Homeland Security Funding Recieved

[Rick]

More bad news, I'm afraid. The cypherin' guys at Homeland Security tell me that we can neither push nor pull the command center to England. On top of that, they were a little irked when they found out we removed the communications and scuba gear in place of a deep fryer and griddle. I told them we couldn't cook a decent meal as it was so changes had to be made. They still didn't seem too pleased. I did ask if we could fly it to England as Rebel suggested and he told me if we could get it airborne then we shouldn't have a problem. I think we have a project for the week-end!

[Winnie]

I smell a conspiracy.....first they promise a pretty boat, then a vehicle to get you to the pretty boat, then a command centre. Just when they've lulled you into false sense of security...... BAM! you're hit with so many rules and regs, you forgot where the paper and pencils are!

[Rick]

They assured me they have our best interests at heart and they seemed really sincere.

[huntermj]

I take it that the F.A.R.T. boat is not not a swift boat.

[Rick]

Define "swift".

[RangerXanatos]

Blonde, blue eyes, nice figure, pretty voice... I don't think she'd be up to riding with the F.A.R.T. Team on the F.A.R.T Boat.

taylor_swift.jpg

[Rick]

Actually, she did stop by and have breakfast with us the last week-end before we lost the boat. Hey! Has anyone heard from her? If she's joy ridin' in our boat ... Hang on. I'm gonna call her dad.

[huntermj]

And she keeps on cruising till her daddy takes the keys to the T-bird away,

[Rick]

Well, wouldn't you know it. They delivered the "boat" today and it turned out to be some hodge podge welded metal truck. The old boy did have a fancy uniform but I told him to just take it right back. He said he had orders to deliver it. I told him the gas mileage was probably atrocious and I pointed out that you had to climb three danged steps just to get in it. Half of us get vertigo on one step. We'll have guys passin' out all over the place. No sir, I said, just take it right back and bring us our boat. I did get a snapshot of it to put in our scapbook. Ain't it ugly? I'd be battlin' nose bleed tryin' to drive the danged thing.

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[Pal334]

Iwould image it would float about like a rock also

[Winnie]

Iwould image it would float about like a rock also

Well, at least it wouldn't float away when someone lets go of it

[Rick]

The fellah from Homeland Security called and he was a bit miffed. He said he sent the welded metal truck in place of the transit bus on account of they couldn't get the paint off. I apologized something fierce and explained that I thought they sent it in place of our new boat. In any case, they should be returning it sometime next week. He explained that it was bullet proof. I told him not many folks shoot at us but he just laughed a bit. I suppose we could drive it a couple of hundred yards out in the field and hang some targets it on. If it's really bullet proof it shouldn't hurt it none. And if Winnie's mice are as mean as she says we might just need the protection. Perhaps we could haul it over on the new boat. Sort of like a fairy. No, not like the fellah that works at the marina.

[Pal334]

Well, at least it wouldn't float away when someone lets go of it

Now you too eeh?

[Winnie]

Now you too eeh?

Well, if the cap fits..... just sayin'

[Pal334]

Well, if the cap fits..... just sayin'

Unfortunately it fits much too snugly

[Rick]

The Homeland Security fellah called me back and apologized that it's taking so long to deliver the boat. He said they were having trouble getting the oversize permits they needed to transport it to us. I didn't think Homeland Security would need any permits but apparently them D.O.T. boys have to have their i's dotted and their t's crossed. The Homeland Security fellah (His name is Abdullah. Does that sound right to you?) said to make up for the delay he was going to add a Hoover Craft. I asked him if it was expensive but he just laughed and said he was with Homeland Security. Money really didn't matter. So I said go right ahead and send it 'cause I knew some of the fellahs like to bass fish. I just hope they don't suck any lures down in the intake. We'll have pointy things flyin' every direction. He said white was the only color they had. I figured we could spray paint it if we choose too. They got that new Krylon stuff we could use.

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[Rick]

I just gave Abdullah a call and he apologized something fierce. He said there was a huge mix up on the boat they were getting ready to send us. It turns out they were going to send this:

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I told him I was sure glad he caught the mistake 'cause that big rascal had way too many stairs for us. And after the mess 2Dumb's mule made of the airplane it would be a huge mistake to let either one of them near a helicopter. Besides, none of us would know what the big ball is on top and it's way to high for any of us to climb up there and find out. He said he'd get everything straightened out for us.

[crashdive123]

Call him back. We can use the elevator.

[Rick]

He didn't say nothing about no elevator. You reckon' it's got one? Maybe those are escalators like they got over at the mall. We'd still have a problem with 2Dumb and the helicopter, though. You know how he likes to tinker with engines. Everything he sees is a "race car". Remember what he did to the ambulance? We had to tack weld the gurney inside to keep it from flying out the back doors. And that was in neutral!

[crashdive123]

Yeah but if we don't have the helicopter how are we gonna move the boat? Besides - if you remember - 2Dumb was the only one we could get to hang on to the rope while the helicopter was pulling the boat. Granted, he got a little tired when we were practicing going forward and backing up with all that running between the bow and the stern, but he was the only one that would do it. That reminds me that we need to talk to him about running down the halls while I'm trying to take a nap.