Joke of the day.

[Rick]

Muhahaahahahahahaahahahahahaha. Now that was funny.

[crashdive123]

Rick - it's arrrrrrrgh that was a good one matey. Sheesh!

[Rick]

Yeah, yeah, that too.

[tsitenha]

Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "Are ya mad?" says Mick,

"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind!?!"

[tsitenha]

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM this morning.
Can you believe that, 2:30 AM!?
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my bagpipes.

[Rick]

Thanks. I got a chuckle out of that last one.

[hunter63]

The dime store romance novel updated for 2011…

He grasped me firmly but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down. I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up to my thighs I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding.

I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders and slid them down my tingling spine.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say…

"Okay ma'am, you’re cleared. You can board your flight now."

[hunter63]

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;

He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.



Husband's Diary:

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

[Rick]

That, sir, is the truth. And the other side of the coin,

Husband: "Honey, what's wrong?"
Wife: "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!"
Husband: "Okay."

[hunter63]

That, sir, is the truth. And the other side of the coin,

Husband: "Honey, what's wrong?"
Wife: "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!"
Husband: "Okay."

LOL, so I just spit coffee....be proud!, LOL

[canid]

I think i figured it out. sex determining chromatids are about pockets and handbags.

upon conception, your standard human is issued a complete x chromosome, one shaped like a y and a piece which looks to be left over, three pockets and a bolt of fabric.

those humans who realize they do not want to be caught without something they might need throughout the course of the day, regardless of it's unknown utility and function err on the side of caution, read the instructions, fashion themselves a handbag and take it with them.

those who can't be bothered to read instructions, or refused to take an interest in fabric arts leave the piece behind in that drawer with all those 'extra' ikea parts and post-rationalize that only weapons, tools and athletic equipment should be carries around in a special bag.

[kyratshooter]

At dawn the telephone rings;

Hello Sinor Rob, this is Ernisto the caretaker at your country house.

Yes Ernisto, what is the problem?

I called to tell you your parrot is dead.

My prize parrot! I paid a fortune for that bird, what killed him?

He died from eating rotten meat sir.

Where did he get rotten meat?

From the dead horse sir, the race horse.

My thoroughbred racehorse, how did he die?

From exhaustion sir, he had to pull much water in the water cart for the putting out of the fire.

What fire!!

The fire that happened when the candle fell over and burned the curtains sir.

There is electricity at the house ernisto, why were candles burning?

They were for the funeral sir. The one we had when your wife died.

My wife is dead? What happened?

She showed up late in the night and I accidentally shot her with your new Kreighoff trap gun.

Silence









Long, Long silence







Ernisto, there better not be a scratch on that gun or you are in big trouble!

[hunter63]

Yeah, priorities....LOL

[Rick]

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!

[Sarge47]

Know how to keep a lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off of his head!

[BENESSE]

This is funny but it's not a joke. I'd say it's right on the money:


**********OH MY!*******************

After I came to I removed the link. PG-13 please.....I still feel feint.

[Rick]

I finally went and got a dang cell phone I know how to work!

cell phone.jpg

[crashdive123]

The latest drink craze...

The Bin Laden Martini. Two shots and a splash.

[BENESSE]

This is funny but it's not a joke. I'd say it's right on the money:


**********OH MY!*******************

After I came to I removed the link. PG-13 please.....I still feel feint.

Just what I was gonna say but you beat me to it.
Now how about those hong pics of Rick?

[Sparky93]

I heard a good one today...

One can not apply an engineers approach to dating, women are not fond of large sample sizes....