My Mom passed away
My Mom died yesterday around 2 pm. I was able to hold her hand and be with her.
This started about a year and a half ago with a lump that was diagnosed as lymphoma. She went through a year of chemo and radiation. It turned out to be melanoma. This metastasized into her brain and liver. She underwent brain surgery and two gamma knife surgeries to remove the brain tumors. Nothing worked. The last two months were spent trying to keep her comfortable. She wanted to stay at the house with the hospice help. So, that's what we did. Fortunately, we were able to save up some money and be home as was needed.
As a survival guide to you for a similar situation:
Interview the various hospice care givers. Don't settle for what they send. We went through several. I guess the job doesn't attract the best. They like to sell the fluff when what you need are the basics.
There will be several things that will be needed that will not be provided and there will be several things that can be provided but you will not know about because you may not know to ask. Hospice has been through the process and should know what you need. However, they will not ask you. So, query them. Examples are: egg crate pads, watering sponges,...
My Mom went through stages. One week she was walking, the next using a walker, then a wheel chair and finally bed ridden.
Her ability to help her self was the same. One week she could feed her self and the next she couldn't.
For meals we worked hard at keeping things varied and interesting. However, her tastes changed and with the added inability to converse this made feedings a trial and error method. She started with big meals like a meat and sides. Then it went to finger type foods that she could feed herself. Then, back to big meals when we feed her. She gradually stopped taking food of any kind. When chewing became difficult we went to soft food and then soup. Eventually she stopped everything except small amounts of water, juice and fruit cups. The last four or five days was just small amounts of water.
The last couple of days her breathing became course and labored. We had liquid pain medicine at this point because of her ability to swallow. She didn't require morphine as is usually the case.
The last ten minutes she had labored breathing that would stop for about 15 seconds before resuming. Her pulse was rapid and week. At 1:57 she let out her last breath and her pulse faded.
Not only was she my Mom but also my friend. She wanted me to make the container for her ashes. I made it out of red oak. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She sacrificed for others. She knew how to ride, butcher, can, grow, sew, cook, teach and put a foot up your arse. Her name was Sharon and I'll miss her.
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