Joke of the day.

**hunter63** · 09-15-2015, 09:33 PM

An old, tired-looking dog wanders into a man's gated yard one day. The man is a dog lover, so he lets him in. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly, coming to the conclusion that the dog has a home.

The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and immediately falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.

The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep.

After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.

This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day."

The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

"Can I come with him tomorrow?'

**Grizzlyette Adams** · 09-15-2015, 11:02 PM

HOW TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN

Whatever you give to a woman,
she will make greater.

If you give her a house,
she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries,
she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile,
she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges
what is given to her.

So, if you give her any bull,
be ready to receive a ton of crap.

**hunter63** · 09-15-2015, 11:08 PM

No Ship.........

**nell67** · 10-04-2015, 06:08 PM

posting this in the joke thread, however this is an actual ad on a facebook buy/sale/trade page:

"F/s Jeep Wrangler yj 4x4 with title. V6 automatic 166,000 miles. It's rusty but it Runs, drives, ****s, turns and wheels good. No top or doors included. Located in new Albany just north of Louisville. $2500. C/p more pics under my profile under a public folder. If you send me a pm please post that you did, so I can recieve it."

as you can see, WSF filtered out the word here, which I am guessing was SUPPOSED to be shifts, but the seller forgot the "f"

**natertot** · 10-05-2015, 02:47 AM

That is funny, Nell. Nobody wants a constipated Jeep now, do they?

**kyratshooter** · 10-30-2015, 10:17 PM

call came through on the scanner from the sheriff's department.

Deputy; We have a situation here, a little old lady just shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped.

Dispatcher; Have you arrested her?

Deputy; No, the floor is not dry yet!

**hunter63** · 10-30-2015, 11:11 PM

Ain't that the truth.....

How about....

I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it.
I said, "Left Tackle?”

That's when the fight started.

**Rick** · 11-12-2015, 06:58 AM

Just Little Larry....

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Larry?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself".

Larry watched, fascinated, As his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter," asked Larry "Giving up?"

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Larry quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. Larry pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."'
Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Larry, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

**Rick** · 11-23-2015, 07:47 PM

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**Rick** · 12-10-2015, 08:02 PM

I was gonna invent a pencil with an eraser at both ends. But then I realized it was pointless.

My memory is so bad. (How bad is it?) How bad is what?

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten tickles. Get it? Tenticles?

How does Moses make coffee? He brews it?

My ipod is named Titanic. At the moment it's syncing.

Fish are easy to weigh. They have their own scales.

I hated my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I fell off a 28 foot ladder yesterday. Fortunately, I was only on the first rung.

Anyone know the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Know what you call a fish with no eyes? A Fsh.

Know why the mushroom gets invited to all the parties? 'Cause he's a fun guy.

Two shows nightly. 7 and 9. Get your tickets early.

**crashdive123** · 12-10-2015, 09:19 PM

Oh.....you said ten, not test.

**Batch** · 02-08-2016, 11:23 PM

A guy walks into a adult books store and says he wants to buy an inflatable doll.

Male or female asks the clerk.

"Why female of course.", says the man.

"Black or white?" asks the clerk.

White.

"Muslim or Christian?" asks the clerk.

This question confused the man, so he asked, "What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"

"Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

**ClayPick** · 03-17-2016, 10:50 AM

How to speak Irish....

Whale

Oil

Beef

Hooked

(Say it fast).......

**Rick** · 03-21-2016, 08:05 PM

It hasn't made the news yet but female aliens have invaded earth and are kidnapping sexy, virulent, good looking men. None of you have anything to worry about. I just posted to say goodbye.

**Wildthang** · 03-22-2016, 12:29 PM

A blonde lady caught her kitchen on fire while cooking dinner, and she promptly called the fire department.

She said help my kitchen is on fire, then she just stopped talking. Then she said hurry up get here before my house burns down, then just stopped talking and sat on the phone.

The dispatcher said, wait...........how do we get there??

The lady said Oh Duh..............just drive the big red truck!!!