Mountaintrekker and the invention of the "crap strap" Pat Pending:)

**Mountaintrekker** · 04-27-2008, 06:50 PM

Hello all,
I'm fairly new to this sight and I think this is a wealth of information, cudos to all those who participate and run this wonderful place!

I have not however heard too much regarding some basic bodily functions that we all deal with. I would like to recount a story that happened to me a couple of years ago hiking in the Colorado mountains if I may...
Here goes... I was alone and hiking to Conundrum Hot Springs outside of Aspen. This is a brisk 9 mile hike with a 4000 or so foot elevation gain along the way. The nice part is, you have some wonderful hot springs to soak in when you get there. I have never done this hike before and was really excited about it. I parked at the trail head a bit on the late side and figured it will be an easy trail to follow if it gets dark (I do have a headlamp after all and I'm no slouch in the woods).
After several hours it starts getting dark and I pass a few young 20 something girls coming down the trail and they tell me I should have the place all to myself as they were the last ones out. Fantastic I say to myself, then I think that having these 20 something cuties up by a hot spring as soaking buddies would have been pretty fantastic too! But I digress... (sigh)
So I get there in the dark and the springs don't seem to be close as I cannot see them or hear them and I'm bushed. I set up my tent and eat and notice that the temp is hovering in the teens. I figure I'll wake up at first light and take a dip when I can see and not risk falling in a hole or off a cliff.
I get in my sleeping bag and drift off for a bit. I wake up suddenly... what was that! A bear? Some other hiker? No... my stomach and a flatulent that would have killed Ron Hood. No bother I say, I'll deal with it later.
(Later) Ok, so now I need to go and take care of business. It's serious! Mission critical! Oh God! Where is the damn little shovel and the TP?! Ok, I have my essentials in hand, now for a spot. But where, it's totally dark and there are camp sights spread around and I don't want to be one of those people, SO WHERE! I run off into the woods like I'm on fire or something and I find a spot near some fir trees and heave my little plastic garden shovel like It's Excalibur and "clink" What the? Oh great, the ground is nice and frozen! PANIC!
I frantically look for plan "B" and spot a small cluster of trees with a sizable rock in their midst. YES! I run over and pull the rock over and center myself over my instant cat hole and hold onto the trees for some moral support. It's cold out and I don't realize what I'm actually holding onto until it's time to wipe. SAP! Tons of syrupy frickin sap!
You can use your imagination from here on out. I did find the hot springs shortly after and was able to clean up in the lowest one (thank God).
Now I go into the back country with a piece of tubular webbing and a caribiner. I now have a "crap strap" I can loop around a tree and my torso and keep my hands off of the sap.

Hands free poopin!
So, I hope this is a piece of practical advice some of you could use. Always be aware of what your hands are on before you wipe! Also a reminder that just because a mountain stream looks clean, there could be a dork like me up 9 miles cleaning off you know what!

**nell67** · 04-27-2008, 06:58 PM

Sounds like you made the best of a sticky situation

**Rick** · 04-27-2008, 07:06 PM

What a crappy deal. Butt, I'm glad everything came out okay.

**Mountaintrekker** · 04-27-2008, 07:30 PM

Har Har Har!!!

**nell67** · 04-27-2008, 07:37 PM

Keep laughing,I dont think you've heard the end of it yet

**klkak** · 04-27-2008, 08:27 PM

Im glad you were able to finish the paper work.

**Rick** · 04-27-2008, 08:48 PM

He set himself up to be the butt of a few more jokes.

**Mountaintrekker** · 04-27-2008, 09:02 PM

I'm just glad you guys won't leave me behind... I think I just fragged myself...

**rebel** · 04-27-2008, 11:59 PM

It's a good idea. Lets all do the may pole.

**crashdive123** · 04-29-2008, 07:33 AM

Sounds like everything worked itself out in the end.

**Rick** · 04-29-2008, 07:34 AM

You'll just have to grin and bare it, I guess. After all, that's what happens when you post crap like that.

**crashdive123** · 04-29-2008, 07:37 AM

True, so true. Just move on and make the best of a crappy situation.

**DOGMAN** · 04-29-2008, 11:31 AM

Funny story...way to build up suspense...I just knew you were going to say you fell right into the hot springs while looking for a place to ease your heavy load.

**trax** · 04-29-2008, 11:48 AM

Must have been quite a burden alright, but did you really have to dump it on us? Just a crappy situation all around

**crashdive123** · 04-29-2008, 03:40 PM

Lot's of good advice here Mountaintrekker - I wouldn't poo poo any of the ideas just yet.

**trax** · 04-29-2008, 03:43 PM

Crash is absolutely right! and I was thinking if you manage to sell any of your inventions you could wind up quite flush.

OK, I may have strained the subject too much with that one

**crashdive123** · 04-29-2008, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by trax

Crash is absolutely right! and I was thinking if you manage to sell any of your inventions you could wind up quite flush.

...and if you give it a go, we'll all be pulling for you. We'd hate to see you end up (dare I say it) down the crapper.

**Rick** · 04-29-2008, 03:49 PM

With his luck he'll have a sh** load of money but no pot to p*&& in. Just wipe that smile off your face and keep plugging away. The more you strain the more you gain, so they say.