Is this really how we should be raising our kids?

[1stimestar]

Yea, I don't have the energy to deal with this thread. I spend it on my children, who are not spoiled brats.

[Wildthang]

Well, I guess the best advise I could give for kids, is to teach them to ignore the cyber bullies, and the school bullies that just try to intimmidate everybody around them. But you should also teach them that when getting physical is the last resort, do not hesitate! Hesitation will get you hurt or killed! I know that is an over simplified answer but it has always worked for me and my kids.

[natertot]

Well, I guess the best advise I could give for kids, is to teach them to ignore the cyber bullies, and the school bullies that just try to intimmidate everybody around them. But you should also teach them that when getting physical is the last resort, do not hesitate! Hesitation will get you hurt or killed! I know that is an over simplified answer but it has always worked for me and my kids.

+1 on that.

[LowKey]

I think Benesse meant that there are people in prison who thought they were doing the right thing and it's the criminal side of the argument that walked. These days, you take a swing at someone, even provoked and if you don't have witnesses to the precipitating event, you find yourself up on charges of assault and battery. In some states you can still be brought up on civil charges even if you are aquitted of self-defense charges. There's a lawyer for everything.

There is also the element of cyber bullying, as she pointed out, where contact information is given out by the bully that could put the other child in serious danger.

[Warheit]

Victims of bullying don't choose to be victims. That's an absolutely ludicrous statement.

[Winter]

People do choose whether or not their feelings are hurt.

If you are not physically damaged by the bullies, then it's your decision whether or not you are a victim.

"Hey little Susie, you're fat! Hahaha"

What does little Susie do? She can run off crying or she can say; "Hey Bully, go F%$# yourself." or" Hey thanks, I thought my mirror at home was broken" or "Well you are the fat and ugly expert" or "I learned it from your mom" etc etc.

When you raise kids to be pansies, the only option they have is cowardice and hurt feelings.

You raise them to never back down. If it comes to violence, then it comes to violence. Whoopee do.

I can look back at my life and can't find a single instance where less violence was called for. I can, however, see 30 people who I should have punched in the face.

[Rick]

I do agree with you on name calling. Words only have power if you give them power. I also agree in defending yourself. I'm just not a believer in offensive violence. I understand and respect your position though.

[Winter]

I didn't propose offensive violence.

[Rick]

Mea Culpa. Misread your post. Sorry.

[LowKey]

Winter, that's great in hindsight viewed by an adult, but as an adult you have to take an active interest in teaching your kids how to respond to such taunts. Your responses to "you're fat" aren't something a 6-year-old can come up with on their own. A lot of parents just don't take the time. Or they themselves just don't know how.

[Winter]

I agree with you Lowkey. Fortunately(?) my kids are smartass enough to come up with that kinda stuff. I don't know where they get it from, must be their mom....

[Rick]

Yeah, mom.

[intothenew]

A child needs to feel the support of a tribe, a strong tribe. That can be intellectual, brawn, or both. How they emulate that can be suspect.

Pure brawn, we get baby huey or the bully.

Pure intellect, we get the nerd or prodigy.

It is the tribe's responsibility to comfort and care for those personalities.

Reaction to the bully is simply intellectual delay. He/she is looking for instant gratification. A team effort in negative response sends the offender off to different hunting grounds. Interact with a child, in all of their endeavors. The response to physical brawn has been discussed, simply let the offender know that they are going to get hurt, win, lose, or draw.

Baby huey is a joy, simply introduce some intellect.

The nerd can be the most dangerous, creating problems well beyond their years. Make sure they feel the earth, make sure they feel the emotions of those around them.

The prodigy needs the same nurture as the nerd, but with reservation. A gifted child needs to be allowed their own way, within reason.

[BENESSE]

Wise assessment, intothenew.
It really all comes down to the home. Nurturing well adjusted children takes time and attention; so they don't have the need to bully or don't lack self esteem to stand up for themselves. It's a balancing act from cradle to the grave.

[Winter]

That is a wise assessment for sure. Balance in all things.

[Rick]

We tend to parent the way we were parented. It's the only model we know and for most we view our parents as being right so we emulate their behavior. There are exceptions of course especially where that behavior is excessive. But it is the reason that spouse and child abuse carry on from generation to generation. It's important if you are a new parent to objectively assess the parenting you received and ask yourself if you want your children to be raised the way you were raised. If the answer is no then I urge you to seek counseling in order to get help to reshape that model and your parenting skills. Sadly, the two things we don't do well in this country is teach our children how to be parents and how to handle finances. Most learn be trial and error with often tragic consequences.

[Warheit]

Words only have power if you give them power.

Most linguistic anthropologists would disagree with you.

[BENESSE]

Most linguistic anthropologists would disagree with you.

That's probably true. The law also doesn't look kindly on calling someone names as in slander. But I'm sure Rick meant it in a superficial way...sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. And there is some truth to that. At some point we need to distinguish between the relative merits of letting go and taking issue with.

[Rick]

Call me whatever you want. I can only get mad over it if I allow myself to get mad. If I choose not to get mad then your words are meaningless. Unless you call me a linguistic anthropologist, then the fight is on. (Anyone know what that is? I know it can't be good)

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