Joke of the day.

[Rick]

Same thing but without the horn. They have a flute instead.

[crashdive123]

Lexcon????? is that like um...related to the Unicon?

Same thing but without the horn. They have a flute instead.

Oh - so you mean the little fella at the end of the rainbow.

[Rick]

No, the guy on the Lucky Charms box.

[erunkiswldrnssurvival]

this is funny, A Rapper named "AKON"

[Rick]

Ruger is coming out with a new and intimidating pistol in honor of Senators and Congressmen.

It will be named The Politician.

It doesn't work; and, you can't fire it!

[Jay]

Any of you guys like pepper sauce??****to-pepper-sauce[1].jpg

[crashdive123]

Not any more. I hear it tastes like crap.

[Rick]

That is just so wrong. Soooooo wrong.

"I never did like you! I hope you eat ****to and die!"
"Dude, you really look bad. You look like warmed over ****to."
"Look how many cases are on the truck. There's just no end to this ****to."
"How did you spill all of it? You know ****to runs down hill."
"This is my sons science project. This is ****to Creek. This is a canoe but he didn't have a paddle."
"I told you not to eat in bed. You've spilled it and ****to'd the bed!"


Really wrong the forum won't even accept it.

[Rick]

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's back side. It's the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me!

[Jay]

Mary had a little lamb.....her father shot it dead. now it goes to school with her...between two slices of bread.

[Rick]

You are a sick puppy. Funny. But sick.

[hunter63]

Now that's funny......Jay.

[woodsman86]

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that m*******a doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the c*****e and e*****y we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children. Your daughter, Judith... PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

[woodsman86]

You are on a horse, galloping away at top speed. On your right is a sharp drop off, on your left is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind... a lion is chasing you.
...
What must you do to safely get out of this HIGHLY DANGEROUS situation?
...
GET YOUR DRUNK A** OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND and ACT YOUR AGE

[Jay]

You are a sick puppy. Funny. But sick.

And thus was greatness ever rewarded. (But then again...even the folks at school didn't appreciate my creativeness way back when)..I expected better from you Rick. I am shattered, scared for life!

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

[BENESSE]

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming.
Karma's a b--ch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea....
Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.... no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

[Skinner]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream

[crashdive123]

............. truck hadn't come along.

[Rick]

That right there is just freaky. Skinner transformed into Crash. Being the Minister of Science I don't take kindly to folks horning in on my gig.

[crashdive123]

Ever wonder what Mt. Rushmore looked like from the Canadian side? Wonder no more.

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