Page 3 of 8 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 60 of 150

Thread: The Funny Thread

  1. #41

    Default

    Are you sure you asked that right Tony? The version I heard was "What question can you never (truthfully) answer 'Yes' to?"

    But if that's not it, then I don't know either.
    Life is too short to hurry through.
    ~ Kenny Salwey


  2. #42
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Posts
    644

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Catfish View Post
    Are you sure you asked that right Tony? The version I heard was "What question can you never (truthfully) answer 'Yes' to?"

    But if that's not it, then I don't know either.
    What can you never (truthfully) answer 'yes' to? If a woman asks, Am I fat?

  3. #43

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam View Post
    What can you never (truthfully) answer 'yes' to? If a woman asks, Am I fat?
    ROFL! Well technically you can say that, but only once.
    Life is too short to hurry through.
    ~ Kenny Salwey

  4. #44
    non-senior senior member Assassin Pilot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    433

    Default

    this one is a bit long but worth it




    Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

    "Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

    "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

    "Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

    "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

    "Three? When were they?"

    "Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

    "Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"

    "Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

    "I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"

    "Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
    "He who throws dirt is losing ground"

  5. #45
    Senior Member Tony uk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    London
    Posts
    1,579

    Default

    Dont think to hard about this.

    What question can no one ever answer

  6. #46
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    44,818

    Default This one is for Beo

    A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
    But it also lit up her arm, too!

    Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

    A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

    When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  7. #47
    Senior Member Tony uk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    London
    Posts
    1,579

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by crashdive123 View Post
    A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
    But it also lit up her arm, too!

    Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

    A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

    When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."
    He must be the guy with the lowest test score

  8. #48

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony uk View Post
    Dont think to hard about this.

    What question can no one ever answer
    Are you dead
    Any goverment big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have...T Jefferson

  9. #49
    Senior Member Tony uk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    London
    Posts
    1,579

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by beerrunner13 View Post
    Are you dead
    Close but no

    Anyone can answer that, No Im Not Dead...............

  10. #50
    non-senior senior member Assassin Pilot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    433

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony uk View Post
    Dont think to hard about this.

    What question can no one ever answer
    how did you die?
    "He who throws dirt is losing ground"

  11. #51
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    58,806

    Default

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

    The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

    Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

    The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
    Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.

  12. #52
    non-senior senior member Assassin Pilot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    433

    Default

    Rick: very smooth


    Q: How many pot growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

    Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.

    Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift the chair by its legs, one to call an American and to ask which way to turn the chair.

    Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.

    Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
    "He who throws dirt is losing ground"

  13. #53
    non-senior senior member Assassin Pilot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    433

    Default

    A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

    The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

    The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

    The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''
    "He who throws dirt is losing ground"

  14. #54
    reclinite automaton canid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Central California/West Texas
    Posts
    6,622

    Default

    what question can one never answer? is it the one that isn't asked?

    what's the difference between a coke head and a tweaker?
    Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice - Grey's Law.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    To see what's going on in my knife shop check out CanidArmory on Youtube or on Facebook.

  15. #55
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio (Dunlap's Station)
    Posts
    4,017
    Blog Entries
    40

    Default

    Nice one crashdive123, I like it.
    Man goes to the doctor, and after a strenous examination the doctor comes in with his clip board and says: I got good news and bad news which one do you want first?"

    Mans says the bad news.

    Doc says: "Bad news is you got AIDS."

    "What!" the man says, "what can be good news after that?"

    Doc smiles and says: "Good news is you got Alzheimer's so go home and forget about it."
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

  16. #56
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio (Dunlap's Station)
    Posts
    4,017
    Blog Entries
    40

    Default

    What's grosser than gross?
    A 1000 dead babies in a dumpster.
    What's grosser than that? The one on the bottom eating his way to the top!
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

  17. #57
    reclinite automaton canid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Central California/West Texas
    Posts
    6,622

    Default

    dead baby jokes, joy.

    what else's worse than 1000 dead babies in a dumpster? 1 dead baby in 1000 dumpsters.

    how do you know when your baby's dead? the dog plays with it more.

    how do you pick a dead baby out of a crowd? with a high powered rifle.
    Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice - Grey's Law.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    To see what's going on in my knife shop check out CanidArmory on Youtube or on Facebook.

  18. #58
    Scoutmaster Last Mohican's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tremont, PA
    Posts
    161

    Default

    Little Johnny takes his dog for a walk down by the railroad tracks.
    The dog runs across the tracks as a train passes by clipping him in the rear.
    Little Johnny frantically picks up his dog and runs home.
    His mother asks him how this happened.
    Little Johnny recounts his story telling his mother that the train hit his dog in the ***.
    His mother gives him a stern look and says, "Now Johnny! We don't use words like that. Instead of using that word, say rectum"
    Little Johnny thinks about this for a minute then replies, "Recked him hell, damned near killed him"
    "There is a saving streak of the primitive in all of us" - Euell Gibbons

  19. #59
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio (Dunlap's Station)
    Posts
    4,017
    Blog Entries
    40

    Default

    Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

    Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

    Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

    Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

    Yo momma is so fat she got baptized in sea world.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

  20. #60
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio (Dunlap's Station)
    Posts
    4,017
    Blog Entries
    40

    Default

    Yo mama so fat she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

    Yo mama so fat small objects orbit her.

    Yo mama so fat when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

    Yo mama so fat the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

    Yo mama so fat her Uni graduation photo was an aerial.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •