A little advise please?

[oldsoldier]

Hey Everybody I need some advice. Quick story. Back in 1988 when me and my first wife were still together we found out she was pregenant. ( we had only been together 3-4 months) and we hadn't gotten married yet. Well anyway we were not financially stable enough to support ourselves much less a child. So we decided for the sake of the baby ( a little girl) we put the baby up for adoption. About a year later we divorced due to her (ex-wife's) infidelity and drug habit. The family that adopted her is an extremely well off family from Indianapolis. She would/ did have things we could never have provided.

Since then I was wounded while in the army and can't have anymore children. So I accepted I would not have any children. Well I recieved a letter from an Indianapolis Lawyer yesterday asking me to contact them. I called this morning to see what they wanted and found that the child we put up for adoption ( she's now like 22) is wanting to find me/us. Her mother (my ex) is now deceased, but she still wants to meet me. My question is.........

Do I tell the lawyer YES? I'm kinda unsure here. Part of me wants so badly to meet her and possibly have a relationship with her. Or do I say no? What if I say yes and end up being a disapointment to her? Will the fact that I'm just a truck driver and not ______________________ be something she doesn't want any part of?

I myself was adopted and know the curiosity someone who's adopted has about their biological family.

I value the advise of all my friends here. Most of you here are a LOT smarter than I am. Several of you have give me great advise in the past, and I value it greatly.

Sorry for the long post but I would appreciate any advise either way.

Thanks everyone

Don

[crashdive123]

Don - I think you need to listen to your heart on this one. The part of you that wants to meet with her and develop a relationship is your heart part. All of the trepidations that you have about it is the head part. I would certainly involve your current wife in the decision process.

[oldsoldier]

Don - I think you need to listen to your heart on this one. The part of you that wants to meet with her and develop a relationship is your heart part. All of the trepidations that you have about it is the head part. I would certainly involve your current wife in the decision process.

Thanks crash discussed it this afternoon with wife. She's all for me meeting her if I want to. knowing I'm adopted she ( wife) knows from me talking about it the curiosity of an adoptee.

[2dumb2kwit]

First...let me say that I agree with crash......you have to listen to your heart.

Second....come here so I can smack you in the back of the head. (Like Gibbs, on NCIS does.) What the heck is wrong with working for a living??? If you choose to meet her, and she is disappointed about what you do for a living, then she really does need you in her life.....to teach her what things are important, and what things aren't.

Whatever you decide, I/we wish you the best.

[Rick]

Don, you're a good man. I can't imagine your daughter being disappointed in you at all. Being a truck driver is no disgrace. My dad did it for 38 years and I hold him pretty high on the all time great list.

I'm with Crash on this one. We can sometimes out think ourselves. I'd go with my heart as well.

It might not be a bad idea to run this by your attorney too. There may or may not be some legal implications for you down the road. You might consider leaving her an inheritance for example. Just a thought.

Good luck and I hope you're happy with your decision what ever it is.

[hunter63]

Don, I think the fact that she is seeking you out says a lot.
I'm sure she has the same questions and feeling both ways, as well, but still is wanting to meet you.

DD and SIL have just adopted, a little boy, a grandson if you will.
DD/SIL, as well as everyone in the family knows each other, so there arent any questions.
But only time will tell how he will react when he is told the whole story, when old enough.

If it was me, I would do it in a heartbeat, but your answer has to come from you.
Good luck my friend, it's funny how life works, sometimes..................

[nell67]

I say do it,you want to,she wants to meet you, i'm betting she is smart enough to realize and understand your choice to put her up for adoption was a tough,heart felt decision made with HER best interest at heart given the circumstances.

The job you do should have not impact one way or another,and in no way should you ever be ashamed of being a truck driver,that is an honest job,and every truck driver I know lives better than most other people I know.

I wish your family well!

[COWBOYSURVIVAL]

I don't see the choice in this matter. I'll be blunt, you owe it to her.

[Justin Case]

I say go for it,, She wants to meet her Daddy.

[oldsoldier]

Thanks Everyone, You all have echoed my own feelings. Just wanted to hear it from friends who's opinions I respect. I'm calling the lady at the lawyers office tommorow, she told me today she'll be working tommorow and tell her we ( wife and I ) would be happy to meet her. ( daughter) man that's gonna take some getting use to. Imagine an old fart like me having a daughter and maybe grandkids

[Justin Case]

Its never too late

[Ted]

Man Don, I'm so happy for you!!!!

I feel even if either of you were to be disapointed, it couldn't be nearly as painful as never knowing!

[rwc1969]

That sounds great. I'm glad you decided Yes.

[cowgirlup]

Excellent news!

She wants to know you. Not your career path. You made the best decision back then because you wanted the best for her.

I hope you have a really good reunion. I'm sure like most adopted kids they have a lot of unanswered questions and I know you have wondered how things turned out for her too.

I think it's great.

[wareagle69]

i too am adopted and grew up watching montel williams when he did his showa on adoption and people meeting families, would kind of bring a tear to my eye, i would always wonder about my family, mom dad siblings and such.
montel should have done follow up shows, to show 6 months later what had transpired.
In my situation and several others that i have talked to, it has eneded very bitter disappointment, take this for example
in 96 i get a phone call from an adopted sister saying the adoption agency has contacted her about me and my real sister, so i call them and give them some info, they tell her that i travel for a living, in her mind she thinks i am this successful saleman-in reality i am a rodeo bum living out of my truck trying to make a living riding bulls, big difference.
so anyways many years later we meet back in canada, i do allot of research on my family and meet some of them, for me none of this works out, just as i am about to head back to arizona i meet my now wife, so something good did come out of it.
i too have a daughter and now a grandson both of whom i have never met, but thanks to facebook her mother found me last year, but i am not the same person i was at 18, and for that matter neither is she, some hold onto the past and only remember what makes them feel good.
dissapointments are boud to happen as expectations are not met.
i sincserly hope it works out for you, at best it will answer some questions for both of you.
my advice- go in with no expectations
WE

[oldsoldier]

WE Know what you mean. As I said I was also adopted. Back in early 80's I located my birth family all but my grand father lived in Michigan. My grandfather live only a few miles from my home. When i was in from the army I met him and spent as much time as I could when home up until he died in late 80's. It was worth finding him at least. As for the rest of them............... lets just say haven't kept much contact with them. So I know what it means to be curious.

[doug1980]

Good luck and I hope you both have a wonderful relationship after meeting. For what it's worth, I think you are making the right decision.

[tipacanoe]

I know two guy's here in town and neither one knows his father, or even who they are. Their mothers aren't telling them (no relationship between the guy's)for what ever reason, and it just chews these two guy's up. I really think you are making the right decision and respect you for going through with the meeting.

[randyt]

I wasn't going to chime in on this but I have been there in a similar situation.. so I thought why not tell my story, maybe it'll help a bit. I think it's a good thing that this is happening for you and her. there will be no what ifs and the sooner the better.

my situation is different. I have a son in west ky. It's a long story but in a nut shell I tried to develop a relationship when he was a toddler but his mom wouldn't allow it. I was weak and didn't press it. when the friend of the court gave me a letter to give to the sheriff [which I personally knew] when ever I wanted to see him it was to much to bear. I should have persisted, it is my one greatest regret in life. it took twenty years before I could go to that town and not get ill.

I received a call from one of his relatives when he was a teenager that he wanted to meet me. I told them that I wanted to meet him to. anyways the meeting happened and all is good. we talk on the phone every so often. I visit him when I go there to visit my other relatives. it is a very positive thing.

there is a lot I would like to say but I'm not real good at the written word. good luck

[Rick]

Don - Keep us posted if you don't mind. Let us know when you plan to meet her and how it goes. We care!!