What can we do?

**your_comforting_company** · 06-03-2010, 12:23 AM

I personally don't think it's postpartem. I think it's what we down here in the south call "new mom" syndrome. It's complicated, but when a baby is born, the mother's brain goes through a chemical wash and get's reprogrammed. It is a baby bonding "rewiring" if you will. I personally think that 1 year will fulfill her commitment, and while it might be tough, the rewards at the end will far outweigh the struggle now.
With the dwindling economy, lack of jobs, etc. I would have to finish out my commitment, just for the job security. New babies can be VERY expensive medically, and if anything were to go wrong (God, forbid) at least you would have the very best medical attention you could get.
Talk about it, and even though you and she might not really WANT to finish it out, I think it is in your families best interest to do so. At 30 years old with 3 kids, I can tell you that doctors are NOT cheap, nor are medicines.
I'm not the military type, myself. I have a bit of a problem with authority figures calling me a pathetic maggot, etc. It could be worse though.. you could be stuck being a roofer.

**doug1980** · 06-03-2010, 12:35 AM

Originally Posted by your_comforting_company

I personally don't think it's postpartem. I think it's what we down here in the south call "new mom" syndrome. It's complicated, but when a baby is born, the mother's brain goes through a chemical wash and get's reprogrammed. It is a baby bonding "rewiring" if you will. I personally think that 1 year will fulfill her commitment, and while it might be tough, the rewards at the end will far outweigh the struggle now.
With the dwindling economy, lack of jobs, etc. I would have to finish out my commitment, just for the job security. New babies can be VERY expensive medically, and if anything were to go wrong (God, forbid) at least you would have the very best medical attention you could get.
Talk about it, and even though you and she might not really WANT to finish it out, I think it is in your families best interest to do so. At 30 years old with 3 kids, I can tell you that doctors are NOT cheap, nor are medicines.
I'm not the military type, myself. I have a bit of a problem with authority figures calling me a pathetic maggot, etc. It could be worse though.. you could be stuck being a roofer.

Thanks for that. Makes perfect sense and is exactly what I think we should do. She'll come around I'm sure just takes time like you said.

**cowgirlup** · 06-03-2010, 07:01 AM

Sorry to hear she's not too happy right now. But, it's only a year and it will go fast. Maybe she just needs to get back in the swing of things. You are working towards a goal. Also, if you focus on the negative things always look worse. Also, if you are at work and dwelling on how much you hate being at work you will probably make a lot of mistakes, then you get in trouble, then you hate your job even more.

I don't know what you do for work but what are you doing at 6am? Could you drop the baby off at the sitter so she can get where she needs to be on time?

**crashdive123** · 06-03-2010, 07:33 AM

Doug - I've got to ask, and I hope I'm not out of line - in many of your posts since you have joined the forum you have indicated that you couldn't wait to get out of Alaska and down to the lower 48 again. Some (only some) of your statements indicated to me that you were having a miserable time. Could it be that some of your attitude about not wanting to be there has influenced her behavior? If so, I think you may control the answer to the problem.

**doug1980** · 06-03-2010, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by crashdive123

Doug - I've got to ask, and I hope I'm not out of line - in many of your posts since you have joined the forum you have indicated that you couldn't wait to get out of Alaska and down to the lower 48 again. Some (only some) of your statements indicated to me that you were having a miserable time. Could it be that some of your attitude about not wanting to be there has influenced her behavior? If so, I think you may control the answer to the problem.

Quite the contrary actually. She is more miserable here than I am. She absolutely hates being here. I think the baby being born, coupled with everything that is going on, finally came to a head. But it's no worries now she will finish her last year of her enlistment and everything will be fine. Luckily I was able to get my boss to let me come in at 0730 instead of my usual 0600 so I can take baby to the sitter. I'll have to work late but it is what it is.

**Alaskan Survivalist** · 06-03-2010, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by crashdive123

Doug - I've got to ask, and I hope I'm not out of line - in many of your posts since you have joined the forum you have indicated that you couldn't wait to get out of Alaska and down to the lower 48 again. Some (only some) of your statements indicated to me that you were having a miserable time. Could it be that some of your attitude about not wanting to be there has influenced her behavior? If so, I think you may control the answer to the problem.

Long, dark winters take thier toll on people. This last one was getting to me too and I have lived here all my life. Cabin fever is real thing that needs to recogonized and dealt with. It affects everybody to different degrees and being around others that can't handle makes it worse. I would think long stays on a submarine would have similar affects. Was this addressed in your training?

**crashdive123** · 06-03-2010, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by Alaskan Survivalist

Long, dark winters take thier toll on people. This last one was getting to me too and I have lived here all my life. Cabin fever is real thing that needs to recogonized and dealt with. It affects everybody to different degrees and being around others that can't handle makes it worse. I would think long stays on a submarine would have similar affects. Was this addressed in your training?

Believe me - I know what it is like to go for long periods without seeing the sun.

**Rick** · 06-03-2010, 03:20 PM

Yeah, but you guys had all those wilderness skills schools like knapping and fire starting to keep you occupied in the sub.

**crashdive123** · 06-03-2010, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by Rick

Yeah, but you guys had all those wilderness skills schools like knapping and fire starting to keep you occupied in the sub.

That and Weapons Systems Readiness Tests (launching the nuclear wessels).

**woodsman86** · 06-03-2010, 07:33 PM

From a NCOs view point, I would say stick it out and make it work. In order for the military to fuction as it does they have to stick to the rules whether she has received some commendations or not, the rules do not change. I personally had to chapter out a decorated soldier who served in Kosovo and the Army for 15 years for misconduct. My soldiers do not get extra time to take their children to the sitter or be allowed to miss PT. A soldier who does not have children has as much responsibility to the military as one who does. I would suggest she dig in and prove her supperiors wrong, that should stop the problems. That or extend again and request to be transfered someplace else. I wish you and her luck

**Rick** · 06-03-2010, 07:37 PM

And the same is true in the civilian world. Absenteeism, for any reason, had to be below 3% or disciplinary action was started.

**COWBOYSURVIVAL** · 06-03-2010, 08:42 PM

I can vouch for the civilian world. I have been a single Dad for a long time. What it means is I make arrangements and get no breaks for being a Dad and Mom. Just try harder make it work...it is what I do.

**your_comforting_company** · 06-03-2010, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by doug1980

Luckily I was able to get my boss to let me come in at 0730 instead of my usual 0600 so I can take baby to the sitter. I'll have to work late but it is what it is.

I'm proud of you for doing that. Good Job brother!