"Men's Guide to Marriage" by I. M. Woman

Written by a wife.

- If you absolutely MUST fart in bed, it is not necessary to lift the covers up and down.

- If you hear your wife gagging, please take a gas pill.

- If your wife becomes unconscious, please call 911. (i.e. she won't wake up.)

- She'll get you a beer, if you buy her dinner.

- Please send your wife a card now and then, or buy flowers. ("Now and then" means every week.)

- Opening a door then letting it slam in your wife's face is not what women's liberation is about. She appreciates it when you hold the door.

- When your buddies are over, it is not necessary to burp as loudly as possible so the neighbors can hear you. If you must notify the neighbors you have burped, please use the telephone.

- Please don't scratch your sac or "rearrange the furniture" when we have company over.

- If you must scratch your belly button, please don't smell your fingers afterwards. That's just gross.

- I'll get you a beer if you just shut the f*** up about my new shoes.

wow bulrush that is a great post but thank goodness i dont have a wife or girlfrend to worry about hahha

Hillbilly, you are a smart man. Very very smart.

thank i know i can be alot of the time but some times i can get prity goofy but ya that is a prity good thing that i dont have one

hey, i do the door holding chivalry bit and still try to bring her flowers, or take hour out; make her feel like when we where first dating now and then, but nobody, nobody tells me i can't fart in bed.

problem being is if you buy them flowers they think you done something wrong and i've gotten yelled at for opening a door

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wareagle69

problem being is if you buy them flowers they think you done something wrong and i've gotten yelled at for opening a door

---

catch 22,isn't it???:eek:

yup thankfully linda sees flowers as a waste of money so i just give her a massage or foot rub and that shuts her err i mean makes her happy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wareagle69

yup thankfully linda sees flowers as a waste of money so i just give her a massage or foot rub and that shuts her err i mean makes her happy

---

Gonna have me a lonnnngggggg talk with Linda one of these days!!!!!!:D:p

gotta learn to keep my mouth shut

Nah,you're ok,I wont say a word,LOL

The day TDW and I met I set the rules. I let her know she either accepted them or we could go our separate ways right then.

In public:

1. I get all doors.
2. I get her coats.
3. I get her chair.
4. I stand when she enters a room i am in and I stand when she leaves the room.
5. I buy flowers for her 3 times a year. The rest of the year she takes my money and buys them for me to give to her. Same with candy.

The same goes for TGF.

I may not be rich, handsome or funny. But if you see me in public with a woman, you know she is a lady!

Don

Glad you and Linda got that all straightened out.:D:);)

In the words of my hero, Red Green. "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

Hi Dilligaf, I'm glad it works for you. But a man being treated like an ATM is not how I define a healthy relationship.

Most of these I have never heard, pretty smart ones too that I usually don't hear as stereotypes.

"- Opening a door then letting it slam in your wife's face is not what women's liberation is about. She appreciates it when you hold the door. "

Correction - the womans liberation is to avoid the different treatment of women. This would include treating ladies with more courtesy than guys. So if you don't mind slamming a door in a guys face, then slamming it in your wife's face is exactly what the womens liberation is about.

I'm so cruel.

And you've been married how long?

[quote=bulrush;34266]Written by a wife.

- If you absolutely MUST fart in bed, it is not necessary to lift the covers up and down. "





FYI guys,farting IS NOT a mating call:eek:

Maybe that's why I never......awww, never mind.

There are legitimate reason as I'll explain.

The relief valve is a type of valve used to control or limit the pressure in a system or vessel which can build up by a process upset, instrument or equipment failure, or fire. The pressure is relieved by allowing the pressurised fluid to flow from an auxiliary passage out of the system. The relief valve is designed or set to open at a predetermined pressure to protect pressure vessels and other equipment from being subjected to pressures that exceed their design limits. When the pressure setting is exceeded, the relief valve becomes the "path of least resistance" as the valve is forced open and a portion of the fluid is diverted through the auxiliary route. The diverted fluid (liquid, gas or liquid-gas mixture) is usually routed through a piping system known as a flare header or relief header to a central, elevated gas flare where it is usually burned and the resulting combustion gases are released to the atmosphere. As the fluid is diverted, the pressure inside the vessel will drop. Once it reaches the valve's re-seating pressure, the valve will re-close. This pressure, also called blowdown, is usually within several percent of the set-pressure.

As a note of explanation, the elevated gas flare is usually only experienced when a source of ignition such as a BIC lighter is in proximity to the flare header or relief header. This is usually accompanied by a rich source of hops and, sometimes, hard boiled eggs.

It's very scientific.