Jimmy Buffett in the 21st Century...
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Jimmy Buffett in the 21st Century...
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One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for
a living.
All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman,
doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he finally replied, 'Okay...my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with
some guy and stay with him all night for money.'
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'
'No', the boy said, 'He actually works for the Democratic National Committee
and helped get Barack Obama elected President last year, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class.'
:sneaky2::sneaky2::sneaky2: , :blushing:
Subject: When you marry a Jersey Girl
Three friends married women from different parts of the country….
The first one married a woman from California. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second one married a woman from Utah. He told her that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he did not see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third guy married a girl from New Jersey. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything. But by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out f his left eye, his arm was healed enough that he could fix a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has difficulty when he pees.
The recession is hitting everyone. Just last week, a Washington lobby organization had to lay off seven congressmen.
TWENTY DOLLARSOn their wedding night, the young brideApproached her new husband and askedFor $20..00 for their first lovemakingEncounter. In his highly aroused state,Her husband readily agreed.This scenario was repeated each time they madeLove, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was aCute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals thatShe needed.Arriving home around noon one day, she wasSurprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained thatHis employer was going through a process of corporateDownsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of depositsissued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
:laugh::lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by nell67
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet, New
York scientist found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and
came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone
network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a
California archaeologist dug
to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read:
California archaeologist, finding of 200 year old copper wire, has
concluded that his ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network a hundred years earlier than the New
Yorkers.
One week later, a local newspaper in Myrtle Beach stated
that after digging as deep as 30 feet in his Horry County backyard,
Bubba, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Bubba therefore concluded that 300 years ago, South Carolina
had already gone wireless.
Just makes you proud to be a
Southerner, don't it.
LOL LOL GOOD ONE !!! :smash:
As I'm sure all of you know, Gary Coleman recently passed away. He was laid to rest in a specially designed, stainless steel coffin with his name engraved on the side.
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http://cache.gawker.com/assets/image...ted-cooler.jpg
I know, I know. That's pretty bad. But you have to admit it's pretty funny, too.
Oh Rick,, you are gonna go straight to hell for that one ! :innocent:
Though this may not be a joke per say, it made me laugh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GTfq2m-SnY
LOL LOL,, made me laugh too !Quote:
Originally Posted by woodsman86
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
:innocent:
Confucius say ?Quote:
Originally Posted by 2dumb2kwit
....or maybe Rick.:innocent: LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Justin Case
Although this is not a joke, I decided to put it here rather than start a new thread.
As a "nod" to the agreed upon forum rules, where ever you see ****** please insert the word or phrase of your choice :)
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
I Am the *******’S Worst Nightmare.
I am an American.
I am a ******* and believe in God.
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some ****** governmental functionary be it ******* or ******!
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
Get over it !
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you!
I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country!
This is AMERICA .
We like it the way it is !
If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.
I think it's good.... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause.
Get a Job and do your part!
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
Amen from another Bad American.
(I apologise to all the ladies in advance for this one!)
Why do women suck at skiing?
Because theres no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom!
Amen Pal!! Nothing I could add to that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pal334