LOL....Kinda like ..."I'll only do it a little bit...."
Printable View
LOL....Kinda like ..."I'll only do it a little bit...."
Almost like one of my favorites.
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape." The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you." To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"
Ok, the most random and pointless vid popped up on my youtube. Who knows why, but I watched it. Now I'm posting it here and there, because I'm surprised at how it made me bust a gut, at how outrageous it is. For the full laugh effect, you need to watch the full video to observe the evolution of events properly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq6T5BojXc8
Maybe you can imagine that it's the brain of someone trying to think about something really hard and can't figure it out.
Man, I glad they showed that asa a Whirlpool.........I was waiting to it to "transform back in to the Maytag man...... all beat up.Quote:
Originally Posted by WalkingTree
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adKTI9gwc0A
It's a he...how do you know...don't worry about it. Haha!!
I go on a date, and get to her house, and see that her washer or dryer is old and jumps around a bit, and mention that she ought to get a new one or get it fixed...and she says that she doesn't want to. I go hhmm...
Ok, here's another. YouTube won't stop giving 'em to me now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsTnSIO9Log
The things some people do when drunk, I swear. Only white people, I bet...
This thing cracks me up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGbsm_zcAtU&index=43&list=FL2aBCuWttnkWbJM NZVNC4ow
Heck yea!! That's awesome! Plucking a chicken is a pain in the butt. Not anymore. That's nice.
No animals were harmed in the making of the video.
Stumbled on this. Guess it can go here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pe4cXPWPJWU
My wife got a mud-pack for her complexion, and looked great for two days...
Then the mud fell off.
Hahaha, sooooo good man :D Thanks!
A Woman gets out of her Prius, walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy drinking a beer.
Woman: I see you drink beer.
Man: Yup
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay for each beer?
Man: About $5.00 including the tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: Maybe 20 years, I guess.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
So in one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man: Yup.
Woman: For each year that you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Yup.
Woman: Did you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and, after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
Ain't that the truth...............
After a ****-Hit-The-Fan scenario I realized I desperately needed to take a survival course and immediately signed up...It's titled
Marriage...week 2 and beyond
Fall driving safety.
It's that time of years again.....be sure to call you state officials and get those deer crossing signs moved to a safer place.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GvNpKL3gSg
I shake my head in disbelief and laugh out loud every time I hear that.
The local stations bring it up every year....sorta a public service letting people deer are in rut, go nuts and do some real damage....Quote:
Originally Posted by crashdive123
Next time you go on a Roller coaster
take some spare bolts with you and as the coaster climbs the steep hill, tap the guy in front of you on the shoulder and say "Hey, these just fell out from under your seat"... then sit back and enjoy your ride.
A Priest was passing a group of us young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask us what we were doing.
"Nothing much Father" we said. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their s e x life."
"I'm shocked!" said the pastor "When I was your age, I never even thought about s e x."
We all looked at each other for a moment, then said in unison, "You win!"
Oh...my...god. She has got to be kidding.Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter63
A robber held up a stagecoach in the Old West.
He snarled: "If you don't hand over all your money, I'll shoot the men and molest the women."
A gentleman passenger stepped forward and said bravely, "You shall not touch the ladies."
Hearing this, an elderly woman passenger yelled out, "You leave him alone - HE'S robbing this stagecoach!"
LOL....There was a "Granny" cartoon in Playboy Magazine...a long time ago.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Durtyoleman
Granny standing there half dressed....with her hands on her hips...
Robber says.."Honest lady we don't want to violate the women...we just want to rob the durn stage.....
I can see him giving the cash back just to get away.
Q. What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?
A. I'll never do that for five bucks again.
♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
Not when you include Utah.Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter63
Here's one:
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
Probably old, but i just heard it yesterday.
♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
Once while fishin' the flats in the Gulf, I got caught by the game and fisheries warden with a snook when I had forgotten to get a snook stamp. So I explained that it was a pet snook that I took out for a swim each night and when it was time to go home I just whistled and he would jump back in the boat.
The man looked incredulous and called me a liar. "Just watch," I said and tossed the snook into the water.
We sat there for a minute and he said, "Why ain't you whistlin' for your fish?"
"What fish?" I asked....
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, we had to take turns, and that bulb must have been ---THIISSS BIIIG----!
It's about that time of year. So.....
http://static.onepoliticalplaza.com/...2642424-c4.jpg
hahahahaha!!!!!
Buhahahahaha. Now that right there is funny. It's all about priorities.
I don't understand why women like cats...
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. They want attention and touching on their own terms... In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Mary's 86 year old grandmother, after yet another five thousand dollar gift from her granddaughter, asked where she gets all her money. Mary sheepishly admits she does p0rn0graphy to which her grandmother exploded, "Oh thank God, I thought you were going to say you had disgraced the family and gone into law!"
Hahaha! Oh man, I spit out some beer.
God, next time he should try a mood braclet :D
A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat. It didn't take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.
The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, "drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that Trump supporter."
After the drinks were handed out the Trump guy gives the CNN guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, "thank you!"
This infuriates the CNN reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the Trump hat. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, "thank you!"
So the CNN guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the trump guy. And again the Trump guy just smiles and yells back, "thank you!"
At that point the aggravated CNN reporter asks the bartender, "what the hell is the matter with that trump supporter? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly *** does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "he owns the place."