Hunter only you appreciate fine humor.........LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by hunter63
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Hunter only you appreciate fine humor.........LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by hunter63
Latest pallet project.....didn't come out too well...
So...Project Rev 2
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y13...ps4q49xzph.jpg
I've made my fair share of those projects. Wasn't funny then. Still isn't funny.
Yeah but it feel good and warm for a little while...kinda like peeing in a dark suit.
2 seconds before car accident in all over the world
-oh heck !
2 seconds before car accident in Georgia
-look what I will do now...
kind of funny but sad reality :D
Kinda like......
Wake up Leroy....He ain't never seen a wreak this big before?
Hold my vodka and watch this!
Okay, how did you get that picture of Kyratts shootin shed???Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter63
Apparently.........Quote:
Originally Posted by BENESSE
Cooter and Stan were fishing. Cooter said.
"I recon' I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't said a word to me in 2 months."
To which Stan replied.
"Better think about that, Cooter. A good woman like that is hard to find."
Sunday Morning Sex
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along!
Grandma Jones is driving along on her way home from church one fine Sunday morning when she spots a police car in her rear view mirror, the patrol car is following her with it's flashing red and blue lights on and it's siren wailing, Gram pulls over for the officer and he pulls in right behind her.
A few seconds later the officer is at her driver side window, she asks is there something wrong officer, he replies yes Mam, you were speeding, I'll have to see your drivers license, well she says, I'd like to show it to you, but I don't have one, why not he asks, she tells him I lost it a few years ago after four drunk driving arrests, well how about your registration certificate he asks, well sir, the car isn't mine, who does the car belong to Mam, she replies, I don't know the owners name, I stole the car officer, I killed the owner and chopped him up into pieces, put the pieces in trash bags, he's in the trunk if you want to look.
The officer is stunned, he steps back from the car and calls for back up, a few minutes later five police cars show up and box in the old lady's car, the senior officer then approaches her car slowly with his hand on his half drawn service pistol, he asks the old lady to step out of the car and put her hands on the hood of the car, he says, my officer tells me that you stole this car, that you killed the owner and have his body in the trunk, well she says, take a look, the officer opens the trunk and lifts the lid on a perfectly clean storage compartment.
He then says, my officer also said you didn't have a valid license to drive, is that right, the old lady then slowly pulls a card carrier out of her purse and hands the senior officer her valid drivers license and says the car is hers and the registration is in the glove box, the first officers jaw drops in disbelief, but, says the senior officer, my officer said, the old lady chimes in in an aggravated tone, well, it seems he told you allot of things, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding as well.
LOL....
I was gonna put this in the survival thread.....but that been kinda over done....
So, with dat in mind....
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice."
Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There are no fish under the ice."
They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?"
The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
.
Hi :wavey:
Two kids are talking.
- My dad works twelve hours a day, so that I can have a comfortable home and decent clothes. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. However, I can not relax from all the worry.
- But you are living a fairytale life! What are you so worry about?
- Well, what if they try to escape?
What is red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa Claus rolling off your roof.
According to a news report, a certain Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day .... the girls would put them back.
Finally, the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).;
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers...... And then there are educators!"
Having been a maintenance man for several years myself...the struggle is real.
Don't know if this a joke or real advice......But have to agree...
> TOAST WITH A GLASS OF WINE
>
> TO MY FRIENDS WHO ENJOY A GLASS OF WINE AND THOSE WHO DON'T AND
> ARE ALWAYS SEEN WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER IN THEIR HAND:
>
> AS BEN FRANKLIN SAID: IN WINE THERE IS WISDOM, IN BEER THERE IS
> FREEDOM, IN WATER THERE IS BACTERIA.
>
> IN A NUMBER OF CAREFULLY CONTROLLED TRIALS, SCIENTISTS HAVE
> DEMONSTRATED THAT IF WE DRINK 1 LITER OF WATER EACH DAY, AT THE END OF
> THE YEAR WE WOULD HAVE ABSORBED MORE THAN 1 KILO OF ESCHERICHIA COLI,
> (E. COLI) - BACTERIA FOUND IN FECES. IN OTHER WORDS, WE ARE CONSUMING
> 1 KILO OF POOP ANNUALLY.
>
> HOWEVER, WE DO NOT RUN THAT RISK WHEN DRINKING WINE & BEER (OR RUM,
> WHISKEY OR OTHER LIQUOR) BECAUSE ALCOHOL HAS TO GO THROUGH A
> PURIFICATION PROCESS OF BOILING, FILTERING AND FERMENTING.
>
> REMEMBER: WATER = POOP, WINE = HEALTH. THEREFORE, IT'S BETTER TO
> DRINK WINE AND TALK STUPID THAN TO DRINK WATER AND BE FULL OF SHIP.
https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aNeP0zb_700b.jpg
I couldn't help myself.
I called an old college buddy and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,
aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
What do you get when you mix Rogain and Viagra?
Paige down!
Wait for it!
You know you want to know!
It's kinda funny!
Here we go!
Answer: Don King hair!
This is my hair. I do what I want with this hair. I wash this hair, I brush this hair. I mess this hair up if I want to mess this hair up.
A giant rabbit died on a United flight.
One man is suspected of foul play.
We tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy qwiet.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the heck was that all about?’
Was he delivering Snail Mail?
Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Georgia, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us”. Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Georgia ."
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and....."
"The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from Georgia, ain't ya?"
"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come ya'll knowed that?"
"Because this is a Dry-Cleaners."
My wife wanted to role-play "doctor and patient"
But things went south very quickly when I said: "Hello! I'm your dietician..."
Made me laugh....
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y13...psxa5cpop0.jpg
Stole from
http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.co...e/161173411328
Four guys, Jim, Gary, Bob, and John went camping and they had two tents to share. The second morning Gary was still asleep as the other three were gathered at the fire drinking coffee. The two men looked at Jim and said he looked terrible. Jim said, "Gary was snoring and tossing and talking in his sleep...I didn't get five minutes of sleep." He managed to talk Bob into swapping tents with him that night. The following morning Bob was already at the campfire with coffee made as the men awakened and again Gary slept in. He too looked horrible and complained about Gary's horrible night habits. After some arguing and threats John agreed to take a night in that tent. The following morning the men awoke to see Gary looking miserable at the fire and John looking fresh as a daisy. They pulled him aside and asked what happened how he managed to get any sleep ... He replied, I crawled into the tent beside Gary and kissed his cheek, slapped his butt, And HE stayed up all night watching me sleep.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in.'