Oh, man. I hate higher math. Sheeesh.
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Oh, man. I hate higher math. Sheeesh.
I was told there would be no maff....
(I get it...... a "V" right?....like Roman numeral 5? ....yeah, that's it....Got it....)
Bhohahahaha
The other day someone asked me to go see how full something was. I came back and said it was about 3/4 full. They were bewildered. Didn't know what I meant. Kinda sorta got mad at me, saying "don't use all those complicated numbers and math and stuff. Don't nobody around here know any fancy fractions, who uses fractions??". They were serious. Weren't joking. Really had no idea what I meant by 3/4 full. So I said it's over half full, hoping like heck that they at least understood that. They did, saying "ok, that's better, now I know what you mean."Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Yeah well don't feel bad......Lady at the Dish TV Customer Service ask be how far the down load was along...told her the same thing, about 3/4's.....she said she doesn't DO fractions.
So told her, "If the load bar was a dollar, we are at 3 quarters"......She says, "Oh yeah"
You GOT to be kidding. Rather, we GOT to be kidding. 'Cept we're not. And that's just crazy.
Not as crazy as handing $5 dollar bill to the kid at the till at Menards (big box home improvement place)in the garden center....for a $2.49 cent item.....Quote:
Originally Posted by WalkingTree
He stood there looking at it.....He had been ringing up everything up on peoples credit/debit cards....
Told him, "That's a $5 dollar bill US currency, and as far as I know is still legal tinder"....
So he take it, rings it up and put it in the till......closed it.
I ask him about my change?.....Again he looked at me with the "Huh?? eyes".....
Well the till isn't going to reopen till he had a supervisor keys in a code....
Get my change, and he was giving me the "stink eye" like it was my fault he was a Dumas.....as I was walking away I was listening to the folks in line muttering.
Heck if I would have know that..... I would have gotten out my change purse....and counted out the change to the penny.....
What a Richard Cranium...
Now That IS a Joke........
So, dude, I was like at work today and this really, really old guy, must have been 50, hands me, get this, money. I'm like what century are you from?
Seriously, man, that is just wrong. Bitcoin should have an old folks "get a life" coin.
For real.
Some years ago, I talked to the bank manager about getting a debit card for someone in Guatemala. Out or curiosity, I guess, she asked me where that was at because she didn't know too much about Europe. I replied that it was in Central America. The look on her face told me she was still confused, so I said, "south of Mexico". It's a lack of education, no doubt. She had the graduation papers, just didn't know nothin.
Well, now down here in South Florida we might have some immigrants and ignorant. LOL
You get your Cubans hating you Puerto Ricans. And damn near ever black hating every other black regardless.
But, my redneck breathern are the wisest of all. They refer to all latinos as South American's and Puerto Ricans as damned foreigners!
My favorite is when Mexican's are considered South American!
Just to be an advocate for a certain fairness...There's something that we all don't know. Ok there, I said it. I mean, a smart-butt can jump up and give me some calculus and challenge me to show that I know what it is. However...
...some stuff is just basic. Or should be. Three freaking quarters? Knowing what a 5 dollar bill is? It must've finally happened - that day we warned ourselves about that would come about from using pocket calculators too much. The day when someone really doesn't know what 3/4 is or a 5-dollar bill and doesn't know to give change from 2.49...to see this happen in reality is just really weird. Reminds me of another incident a while back when somebody didn't know that birds lay eggs and don't nurse their young with mammary glands, and another person defend it by saying that they went to a pretty good school but never once heard anything about birds and eggs.
What's that thread? - "When does it stop being primitive?"
This is when:
Quote:
...said it was about 3/4 full...They were bewildered...got mad at me, saying "who uses fractions??"
Or, is this when it instead got really primitive?Quote:
...handing $5 dollar bill...for a $2.49 cent item...looked at me with the "Huh?? eyes"
Just stand in Line at Micky D's........See how many people buy $6 dollar meal( or just a coke)......And swipe their card....
WE doin' need no stinking fractions.....
Wait! What? Back up. What's this bird thing. They lay eggs?
A TINY CABIN IN ALBERTA
A social worker from a big city in Ontario recently transferred
to the prairies of Alberta and was on the first tour of her new territory
when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" she asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the social worker, (thinking that surely she will
need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door.
"This is the outhouse!"
Government workers are so very smart.
Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial,
educational and medical needs?
Here I thought eggs always came from momma! I love them fried with a little bit of cheese!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
SENIOR TRYING TO SET PASSWORD
WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.
USER:
cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more
than 8 characters.
USER:
boiled cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain
1 numerical character.
USER:
1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces
USER:
50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character
USER:
50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character
consecutively.
USER:
50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveM eAccessNow!
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER:
ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS:
Sorry, that password is already in use
Already in use...yes...ha! Somebody's been there already.
Great to see these videos of chimps and other animals reacting to their own reflections. They react just as human babies do when held up to a mirror - slapping at the reflected image.:devil:Quote:
Originally Posted by WalkingTree
In one, there's a particular moment when a chimp (or gorilla?) is moving his hand funny in the mirror, as if he's testing and recognizing that it's his reflection. I thought that was interesting.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
quote>
Steven Wright
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,
'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say
'1-2-3.'
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want. ?The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,
"How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not
work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
Boys and girls, that is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Bhohahahahahaha.....
Now ain't that the truth......?
My inspiration....You never know....
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y13...psoo0x89dv.jpg
Did you ever drink so much your wife started making sense?
Me neither!
Oh, man. If you weren't like me you'd be in a lot of trouble right now.
Oh, he's in trouble alright. He's just going to have to wait a bit for the frying pan smack.
Yep, I am pretty certain that when I reach the Pearly Gates St. Peter will not have much to say and just let me through.
Upon entry the wife will be waiting and I will get a "talking too"!
'specially for that last joke.
I'll admit that I didn't go through all 102 pages. But I was wondering if Y'all heard that Walmart Greeter Mil Humor?
The Walmart Manager liked hiring Vets, put he had a particular problem with the Oldest Vet he had ever hired and assigned as a door greeter. The Old Guy was beyond reproach at customer service, could tell all the customers where everything in the store was located, every customer gave the Old Guy the highest score possible on every survey, BUT! The Old Guy was 15 minutes late every mourning.
As he had hired many Veterans the Manager knew he would need to counsel the Old Guy. He called him back into the Manger Office and regurgitated the problem. He new the Old Guy had done at least 30 years in the Navy and this 15 minutes late every day stuff wouldn't be tolerated no matter how good the Old Guy performed his duties. After the Old Guy explained that the 15 minutes in the mourning was a work in progress, the Manager wanted to know what it was that the Navy people would say to him if he was 15 minutes late!
The Old Guy deliberated over the Walmart Manger's direct question, pondered his measured response, the spoke softly. Usually if I was delayed 15 minutes in the mourning the Navy people I meet would ask, " Would you like coffee Admiral? "
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
(a masterpiece)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
I was I Tractor Supply the other day and out n one of those moods . I picked up the stuff in needed and went to counter . The women behind the rung up the sale and as sometimes happen the computer ask her to ask for phone number white she did . My reply
Ah women ,first they check you out and then they ask for your phone number .
And her response? Or are you still recovering in ICU?
Well I had chosen my victim carefully . She bit her lower lip trying not to laogh . The Kelly the manager stock her head around the corner with a grin . So what she said was " I only asked for the phone number because the computer told me to " . To which Kelly replied with "sure sure ".
I was in Harbor Freight and the new guy in training asked for my phone number and I told him I was happily married. He didn't get it but his trainer got a deep laugh.
I went into an ace hardware one time, needing denatured alcohol for a wood project. The girl was new and about college age with a more experienced cashier one register over keeping an eye out on her. When she ran up my can of denatured alcohol, she accidentally rang up a quantity of ten. I looked at her with the most serious look and said "I don't need to drink that much". The look on her face was priceless as she was wondering if she should be selling it or requesting ID!
Several year ago...I was having problem at "The Place" our cabin...
It is located on a good size river, and form time to time we get a lot of beaver damage.
Large trees chewed thru dropped in to and across the river....to say nothing of small trees and branches chewed off in a seep area and dragged thru the corn to the river.
Looking for help I called the State of Wisconsin, Nuisance Animal Hot line.
Lady answered the phone....
"Can I help you?"
"Yes. I have a problem with beaver........."
Long silence.....
"You know the kind the swims in river and lakes?"
Pause...
Pause...
Pause...
"Can I put the call on speaker phone?"
I gonna guess the lady has many dull days........?
What was the most se*ually explicit thing ever said on television in the period from 1957 to 1963?
Want to know?
Are you ready?
Wait for it!!!
Answer: Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night! :smartass:
Now wait a second. Rick and Crash would toss me for that. But it was funny.
They may toss me, they just haven't seen it yet!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by madmax
Well, At least I was able to enjoy it before it was deleted as a "Groaner....."