Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"! ... WHACK.
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Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"! ... WHACK.
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
Two male hikers were undressing in the shelter. One noticed the other was wearing panty hose.
“Why are you wearing those?!”
“Because they keep my legs warm.”
“Wow, I never would have thought of that. How long have you been using them?”
“Since my wife found them in my backpack.”
Two best friends decide to take a camping trip for a week in the mountains. After three days, they want to kill each other.
So, Bob says, "Why don't we split up for the day. You go up to the north and I'll go down to the south." Al agrees it's a good idea to split up.
After the day is over they meet back at the campfire to discuss the days events. Al goes first. "I had a beautiful day, Bob. I walked to the to top of the hill, found a pond and decided to sunbath there for the day. I saw a deer and it's baby drink out of the pond, a bear and it's cub playing in the grass. It was beautiful. How was your day?"
"Well, AL, it was sort of the same. I walked down to the bottom of the mountain and followed these train tracks when all of a sudden I found a gorgeous woman tied to the tracks. I untied her, gently picked her up and we made passionate love all day long."
All excited now, Al asks "Was she a Blonde?"
"I don't know.....I couldn't find her head!!!"
What did Rick say when he walked into a bar ?
Ouch! @&%* it!
Very dissapointed in you rick, Walking into a public place and shouting that, Tut Tut *Shakes head*Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Sick. Very sick. I like it.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Working With The FBI
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
FBI, Rubbish you need the CIA for that jobQuote:
Originally Posted by crashdive123
hahahahaha, I've heard a version of that and this one is even better.
The one I heard was:
a guy is in jail, and knowing that they would monitor his calls, he tells his wife "honey, don't start a garden in the front lawn yet. I still have all the weed hidden in there." So police go and dig up his front lawn. The next day he calls and says "ok, now you can plant the garden"
Tony - If I walked into a bar, it would hurt.
Hmmmm, Strange, Normaly when people walk into a bar they go up to the counter and order drinksQuote:
Originally Posted by Rick
except when chuck norris walks into a bar; the bar hurts.
Some of the old guys on here could prob relate to this:
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
Tony - There is a difference between walking INTO a bar and walking INSIDE a bar. Get it? Walking INTO a bar would hurt. Smack! (tap) (tap) Is this thing on?
The audience left a long time ago Rick.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
and they unplugged your mic on the way out..
Yo momma so fat...
She makes walking staffs out of California redwoods.
She uses a Mountain Hardware Space Station as an umbrella on rainy days.
When hiking in a group she is the trail breaker and the straggler...at the same time.
When she's out, bears wear bells.
She's got her own Range (with various crevasses, gullies, valleys... runoffs... )...
...and a 500 page guide dedicated to it...
Your mommas so old she taught jesus in the 3rd grade