Same thing but without the horn. They have a flute instead.
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Same thing but without the horn. They have a flute instead.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay
Oh - so you mean the little fella at the end of the rainbow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
No, the guy on the Lucky Charms box.
this is funny, A Rapper named "AKON" :tooth:
Ruger is coming out with a new and intimidating pistol in honor of Senators and Congressmen.
It will be named The Politician.
It doesn't work; and, you can't fire it!
Any of you guys like pepper sauce??Attachment 6954
Not any more. I hear it tastes like crap.
That is just so wrong. Soooooo wrong.
"I never did like you! I hope you eat ****to and die!"
"Dude, you really look bad. You look like warmed over ****to."
"Look how many cases are on the truck. There's just no end to this ****to."
"How did you spill all of it? You know ****to runs down hill."
"This is my sons science project. This is ****to Creek. This is a canoe but he didn't have a paddle."
"I told you not to eat in bed. You've spilled it and ****to'd the bed!"
Really wrong the forum won't even accept it.
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's back side. It's the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me!
Mary had a little lamb.....her father shot it dead. now it goes to school with her...between two slices of bread.
You are a sick puppy. Funny. But sick.
Now that's funny......Jay.
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that m*******a doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the c*****e and e*****y we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children. Your daughter, Judith... PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
You are on a horse, galloping away at top speed. On your right is a sharp drop off, on your left is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind... a lion is chasing you.
...
What must you do to safely get out of this HIGHLY DANGEROUS situation?
...
GET YOUR DRUNK A** OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND and ACT YOUR AGE
And thus was greatness ever rewarded. (But then again...even the folks at school didn't appreciate my creativeness way back when)..I expected better from you Rick. I am shattered, scared for life!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming.
Karma's a b--ch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea....
Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.... no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream
............. truck hadn't come along.
That right there is just freaky. Skinner transformed into Crash. Being the Minister of Science I don't take kindly to folks horning in on my gig.
Ever wonder what Mt. Rushmore looked like from the Canadian side? Wonder no more.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/Rsi0XGB4w...t6Ago1_500.jpg
....or so I've heard. This just might be proof!Attachment 6965
Here's what I think...
We've become a country of free stuff paid for by folks not receiving any of the free stuff who are complaining about those getting the free stuff and not paying for anything.
The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff, can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff, and, the folks who are paying for the free stuff, want the free stuff to stop, and the the folks who are getting the free stuff, want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!
Now... The people who are forcing the people who Pay for the free stuff, have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, are being selfish because they want free stuff themselves but no one knows who will pay for that.
So... the people who are GETTING the free stuff, have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff, by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.
We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff. It's gotten so bad that if the free stuff giving keeps getting given then there's apt to be a free for all paid for by everyone.
That's what I think.
That's pretty much it. Even a caveman can understand it.
Yep. Pretty well sums it up.
Wow! "Free" Advice! Cool! :sneaky2: :innocent: :winkiss:
....And now I've got a headache!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Shoot, you should try it with my brain.
Thanks a bunch...but I think I'll pass!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
A Kentucky marine writes home from boot camp.
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shut now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Shut and brilliance only come with age and experience.
That was a good one Hunter.
In the 70's we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs, now we have no cash, no jobs, and no hope.... I sure hope we don't lose Kevin Bacon....
Oh, noooooooo....No bacon????
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
________________________________
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."
_____________________________
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
________________________________
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
________________________________
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
______________________________
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
________________________________
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
I received this in an email from my wife today. Mykah is my almost 4yo rambunctious son and Pierce is the family cat:
"Last week I went into the laundry room to take the clothes out and fold them. I noticed that the clothes were all on the floor and Mykah doesn't go in there because for some reason he is scared, lol. Well today we were cuddling on the couch and he said mommy you need to make sure to keep all the clothes out of the washer and dryer because they get in the way when I'm trying to wash pierce, lol. I just about died, that poor cat."
awe. that poor cat indeed.
Truly heartbreaking story!
This is awful :)
... Indianapolis - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Marion County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Indianapolis Colts Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Dogs and Cats are better than Children because they eat less, don't ask for money....
.... and if they get pregnant you can sell their offspring!
The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!
I guess it was because of my response to the question:
"List all dependents?"
I replied -
"12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico ; and
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
What? No delete option? Here's your option. ( ten words ).