And here's me thinking the Democrats were in power:whistling:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Printable View
And here's me thinking the Democrats were in power:whistling:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Yeah, and we do have an election coming up. Hmmmm. Maybe....nah, that would be unAmerican.
Abdullah called this morning and wanted to know if the boats were satisfactory. I told him the only thing that could make them better would be a couple of pounds of bacon. He said he'd check with the FDA and see what he could find. Imagine that. Our government must have lots of money to give away.
On a bitter note, I did call the ATF and asked about them replacing the "lost" shotgun. I don't think I've ever heard so much laughter in my life. He even put me on speaker phone and asked me to repeat my request. When I did everyone broke out in laughter. He thanked me over and over for making their day. I didn't see what was so funny so I asked 'em again. He finally asked me if I had a hammer and of course I told him yes. Then he wanted to know if I had any sand and I told him I could probably get some from the beach down at the marina. He told me to get a great big bucket and use the hammer to pound sand up my ... well, he wasn't very nice about the whole thing. I think I need to report him to Abdullah. Maybe Homeland Security can straighten them folks out.
Ooops, edited, thought it might be too political!
As your ATF were so unpleasant, I contacted the HMRC to see what could be done concerning arming the F.A.R.T boat. I spoke to a very nice lady. She said we could have one of these.
http://i1186.photobucket.com/albums/...od1/images.jpg
But I was to make sure the protective equipment that was being provided with them must be worn as she could not be held responsible for any injury.
http://i1186.photobucket.com/albums/...44625_41_b.jpg
http://i1186.photobucket.com/albums/...chwood1/B1.jpg
She said to apologise for the lack of matching protective clothing, this was the best that could be done at such short notice.
Now we're talking. That cork looks like it would fit perfectly on the whiskey bottle. I sure wish I hadn't left the top on the first boat. In that second picture - well - let's just call it British ingenuity. On those cold days the can between the two strings would stick to our ears, but I can see the brilliance of this newer communications device. Thanks. Not sure about the third picture though. If Sourdough still had his geese..... The only trick was to make sure they were calm before trying to fasten the buttons together just below their chins. Is it called a chin on geese?
I was told the third item is protective headgear. It's main use is to protect your ears and eyes when operating the Weapons system. In this mode the hole is to the back of the head and buttons secured firmly at the nape of neck.
You F.A.R.Ts are pretty clever yourselves. Item #2's primary function was to be worn on the hands to prevent nose picking(your own or anyone elses). I spoke to the nice lady at HMRC and she said well done you colonial type chaps. She said she will pass on your communtication device idea to those who need to know. She even mentioned an award!
Ixnay on the ovglas. I tried those on once. It took four fireman and six paramedics to get them unwrapped around my neck. I was without oxygen for nine minutes. I was without oxygen for nine minutes. I was without oxygen for.........
Just a reminder. LOL
Attachment 6995
2Dumb, I'm just so upset I could spit. After we went to all the work of hoisting those two boats out of the water to spin 'em around I found that @#$# mule of yours using the propeller to slice spam. Now I'm like the rest of you in figuring that's a right ingenious use of both the prop and spam especially considerin' the "accident" the mule had. But the truth of the matter is that flea bitten jackalope wouldn't share none of the spam. That's just not....well....F.A.R.T. like. I swear your mule is a regular *** and if you can't straighten him out I'm afraid we'll have to vote him out free rides or no free rides.
Who's the Captain of this operation?
We don't have titles. If we had a captain then we'd have to have commanders and admirals and generals someone would be pulled under by all the medals, braids and hoopla. We sorta just drive 'till we hit something then someone else takes a turn until he hits something and so on. I reckon if we had titles they would be more appropriate if they were "bacon fixer", "spam eater", "beer tester" and things like that.
We've really had a time with the new boats. We've had 'em out of the water for two weeks now trying to get 'em pointed in the right direction. We spun 'em around and set back in the water but they were still pointed wrong. So we pulled them back out, spun around and put 'em back in and they were STILL wrong. We're talkin' to the marina about spinning the dock around now.
Me and some of my redneck friends would like to borrow your boats if and when the Iranian navy makes it to our side of the world. I told the boys that I'd supply the beer if they went out for a "howdy". We could fly the bars and stars and see where it goes from there. It might make for some good video.
That would be fine if we ever get them straightened out. We've had the darnedest time getting those things in their dock. We got permission to take the dock apart, which was no problem but now we trying to figure out which parts fit together. I asked Crash to number the darn parts so we'd know which part fits which part. I thought we were going great guns only to find out he marked all the parts with a 1. Admittedly, my instructions might have been somewhat lacking. All I said was number them, which is exactly what he did.
Sorry about that Rick. I had my headphones on and was listening to a college football game. I kept hearing the crowd chant "We're number one" and thought it was a good idea at the time. Don't worry though - the soap stone markings should wash of with the first rain we get, removing all confusion.
But I......(head slap)
Don't worry. Don't worry. After the rains I'll go out and put different numbers on each piece. First I gotta haul the pieces out of the warehouse so they can get wet, and then I'll put them back inside to dry. After they dry I'll start on numbering them. I think I may need a nap now.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1240/...e702f2.jpg?v=0
Sorry, I may have opened a can of worms pre-maturely. It seems the guys are working on some kind of super potato gun.
A "deliverance weapon". A weapon of " deliverance". I can't make it out. Doesn't sound good. What? No, it ain't purdy.
May I suggest they add multiple sections of fine wire attached to the end of the weapon? That way when the spud comes out it will be cut into French fries. Sort of a cluster bomb effect. If it doesn't kill them at least we can cook the projectiles. If it works really well we could probably use it over at the command trailer for fish night. Nothing better that fish and chips.
Jeeze You know how it is. By the time it's over you're walking out with the "deer in the headlights" look.
We finished nailin' the dock back together. It don't look quite like it did but it's close enough for the women we date. We had some wood left over so we hammered up a couple of picnic table.
http://www.greenpointmarine.com/imag...e_damage01.jpg
It was a lot of work but we finally got them new Homeland Security boats put in the dock pointin' the right way.
Here's a pic of us just finishing up.
http://www.mysanantonio.com/mediaMan...628&height=471
Pal will be all right. Turned out it was just gas. The bad news is the emergency room had to be evacuated for a couple of hours so they could air it out. But alls right in the world now.
Here's a picture of the new boats tied to the dock.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3138/...ec74e989ae.jpg
Oops. Well that's a wrong picture. Crash was supposed to be takin' pics of the boats. Hey, Crash!!!!
Ooops. I thought you said butts, not boats.
That might explain why the dock looks like it does and how come just about everyone had a smashed thumb from hittin' it with the hammer. I think the mule is the only one that came through unscathed. In his defense he can sure strike a tight chalk line.
I told all ya'all that beer and boiled eggs don't go together well!!!!!
Crash kept sayin' you need to blow the ballast but dang I didn't know what he was talkin' about either. He kept going on and on about Boyles Law and gas under a constant pressure blah, blah, blah. I just figured the sun was gettin' to him again. Keep a close eye on him though. He was talkin' about addin' a trim tank to you. I don't know what that was all about either.
Just wait till I get it outfitted with high pressure air, scrubbers and burners.
Fortunately, I snapped a picture of them. That tall metal stuff has got to be cut off. A dang seagull was sittin' on it and nearly pooped on me. The mule slipped in it and knocked 2Dumb down. Poor 2Dumb thought the mule kicked him and they commenced to roll around on the deck in headlocks. I like to never got 'em apart.
Everybody is fishing in this pic. Except the mule. He's at the helm in the boat on the left. If you look real close you can't see him.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3285/...7203097cf0.jpg
As you may well know, things aren't always what they seem to be. Check this out...http://www.fastcompany.com/1742584/f...k-jonathan-out
Unless they've invented bionic bird poop, our was the real deal.
I just got off the phone with Mohamed. That is one nice fellah and he certainly has taken us under his wing. He told me he has several used military motorcycles and wanted to know if we wanted them. Of course, I said yes knowing the chicks love motorcycles and knowing that we need all the help we can get in that department.
He suggested that we could use them in parades and maybe even have a motorcycle unit like those Shriner fellahs. He faxed over a pic of the bikes and a pic of an outfit he has sent some to.
http://www.governmentauctions.org/bl...7/Kawasaki.jpg
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2003/...1fff8bf4_o.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5_ewoocjMX...690+SMR-01.jpg
I told him I was for sure the guys would opt for a team like that second group. He just laughed. I was serious, though.
Oh, oh, oh....sign me up, for motorcycle duty!
(I think I can remember how to ride.)LOL
Attachment 7113
Hey, Muhamed called again this afternoon and wanted to know if we'd like to have a couple of drones. He said as far as he knew they were in tip top shape and had been used as recently as last week. He said we'd have to fetch 'em. One is some place called Iran and the other is in Seychelles. I'm not sure but I think both of them places is in Iowa. We got that big ole all metal truck he gave us so all we need is a trailer to put 'em on. 2Dumbs mule ain't much of a pilot be he's got more experience that any of the rest of us. Maybe we could just have him fly 'em home for us. He even went out and bought a helmet and flight suit. Looks pretty spiffy if you ask me.
http://pix.crash.net/motorsport/360/PA645817.jpg
Those drones in Iowa have been keeping a pretty close eye on the F.A.R.Ts and have made several lengthy reports. I personally recieved one not so long ago, but have barely managed to make it past the introduction. These Drones really know how to make detailed reports! You're some lucky F.A.R.Ts to get them!
I have two questions:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
1. Youins sure aint trout fishin. What lb test on the line? I wanna make sure I'm prepared.
2. I think you best reconsider the tall thingy, what about BOB? Everybody around here talks about him. I've only seen a pic of him and understand he likes heights.
http://intothenew.smugmug.com/photos.../i-KfRn6mQ.jpg
Nope. Bob is what you do in the ocean. It's not a person. And we've had a morbid fear of heights every since 2D's mule tried to join us in the deer stand. The sight of it raining old men is not a pretty picture and it did leave marks. So the tall thingie has got to go. Your question vis a vie (I've been wanting to use that for some time now) the weight of the fishing line. It really doesn't matter. Anything you have laying around will work. Shoot, even manilla rope will be fine. We generally tie a spark plug on the end and fish that way.
Since I think I have detected a bit of doubt about the physical abilities (or lack there of) of the F.A.R.T. , I thought I would share a video of a recent Physical Training exercise. I will not identify the members in the video.
http://www.wimp.com/grandpashuffling/
You have to suck in a lot of air to be able to do that. Naturally, that air has to come out someplace.
I thought it might be nice this holiday season to share some pictures of past Christmases the F.A.R.T.s have shared. Truly heart warming memories.
http://soccerreviews.com/wp-content/...er-483x320.jpg
The year we tried to play soccer. Off the list of future events.
http://www.nationmultimedia.com/new/...580-01_big.jpg
The year we celebrated Christmas in Chinatown. I think this is the only picture from that event we can post.
http://blogs.westword.com/latestword...kenridge-1.jpg
One year the local mall called and wanted one of us to play Santa. Somehow, communications got SNAFU'd and all of us showed up dressed as Santa. Little kids were freaking out all over the place, security got called and we made a hasty retreat. The mall has never asked again. Well, moving right along....
http://www.stufffundieslike.com/wp-c.../12/santas.jpg
The year we went to the football game. On the list for future events.
http://www.theoriginalnormal.com/sit...nta-arrest.jpg
It was all a big misunderstanding and everyone had a good laugh afterwards.
http://sloblogs.thetribunenews.com/s...ng-santa-2.jpg
The year we tried surfing. Uh, no. Off the list.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x8M0jj64m_...a-Hijacked.jpg
The year we went deer hunting.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JWJJm4Bp6i...ics%2B(35).jpg
The year we went to Vegas. What happens in Vegas...you know.
http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000...ll_xlarge.jpeg
2Dumb is such a practical joker. He had us all laughing that year.
http://static.freepik.com/free-photo...h_21121416.jpg
But we always wind up having a great time.
Merry Christmas from the F.A.R.T.s!
Ooooooo.....is that a Mosin?Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
No - it's santa clause silly.