A little advise please?

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Originally Posted by Rick

OS - it may just be me but I can see the resemblence.

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Yeah I know poor kid. She musta got her better looks from her adopted parents LOL

Beautiful Oldsoldier! May the two of you have many happy memories from now on,DAD!

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Originally Posted by OS

She musta got her better looks from her adopted parents

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Now that right there is funny I don't care who you are.

Old Soldier I too was adopted and yes I think you should try to at least meet her and see where things go. Be proud of yourself for she made the first move and wants to know. She may be wondering why? That question will come so be prepared with what you say. I know for me when I was adopted I wanted to know why my mom didn't fight to get us back. I realized that she didn't care. After I was adopted a year later I saw my biological mother in the check out stand she looked at my sister and I but never said a word I wanted to cry because even with what she allowed done to us. I still loved my mom very much.

I now have lost my adopted mom in 03' and on that day I also lost my adopted dad for he doesn't want anything to do with his adopted children. That is fine but my boys are growing up with no extended family. Just us.

Your daughter deserves to know and only you hold that answer Don. I agree with WE go in with no expectations and just see where things go from here.

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Originally Posted by equus

Old Soldier I too was adopted and yes I think you should try to at least meet her and see where things go. Be proud of yourself for she made the first move and wants to know. She may be wondering why? That question will come so be prepared with what you say. I know for me when I was adopted I wanted to know why my mom didn't fight to get us back. I realized that she didn't care. After I was adopted a year later I saw my biological mother in the check out stand she looked at my sister and I but never said a word I wanted to cry because even with what she allowed done to us. I still loved my mom very much.

I now have lost my adopted mom in 03' and on that day I also lost my adopted dad for he doesn't want anything to do with his adopted children. That is fine but my boys are growing up with no extended family. Just us.

Your daughter deserves to know and only you hold that answer Don. I agree with WE go in with no expectations and just see where things go from here.

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So true and thanks. I as i said was also adopted. know the questions

I must place a different angle on this event, which I hope turns out to the good for all concerned.

My late wife dropped dead at age 52. The corroner asked to do an autopsy due to the sudden nature of death and the fact that she was of normal health until that day.

I consulted with her two grown sons that instant. There were two pregnant DILs standing there crying their own eyes out, and i had already thought of what they had not considered.

She died of an aortic anurism, and it was genetic.

Both the boys are already hypertensive in their mid 20s. Now the girls know what to look for, what symtoms to watch for in the kids and their husbands, and how to deal with the ammount of control over the situation that is available to them.

Your daughter needs to know these kind of things as she goes through her life. She, at the minimum, needs to know she can pick up the phone and ask a question.

And now you may have the chance of meeting the grandchildren you never hoped to have.

Good luck in this endevor.

kyra... So true. When we placed her for adoption we filled out medical history questionaires ( volenteraly) as a just in case. Seems at that time Indiana requested that in the event of an illnes or..... ???

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Originally Posted by oldsoldier

kyra... So true. When we placed her for adoption we filled out medical history questionaires ( volenteraly) as a just in case. Seems at that time Indiana requested that in the event of an illnes or..... ???

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That is good, but you know how it is. Sometimes, when we fill out forms tat age 20, we do not know adult onset diabeties runs in the family when we turn 60, or that blood preasure is going to kick in at 50, we are going to go prematurly gray, or get bald, fat and ugly.

Scratch that last one, I've always been ugly.:burst:

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Originally Posted by kyratshooter

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Scratch that last one, I've always been ugly.:burst:

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Yeah seems to be going around

Don, I'm so very happy for you! (can't say anymore right now.... I'm gonna go cry!)

I was adopted and would love to be able to contact my biological family. But I was abandoned so I can't. That would be a dream come true.

As far as your situation...I think you owe it to her. Not meaning that in a bad way either. It is a child's right to know their parents I just think.

Goodluck bro!

Thanks Rick for the reminder..... Just a quick update on me and Laura.... er Laura and me .... Er .... Laura and I? I weren't never no grammer genius.. LOL

But seriously here, did you hear the one about.....Opps where was I????

Oh yeah. my update..... Laura and I have been keeping AT&T happy and in the black with our phone calls. We talk for a hour or two a couple of times a week. So far we haven't gotten a chance to meet in person, With her working two part time jobs and going to school her schedule is busy and I am now working 2 jobs now ( hoping to get all our bills paid off ASAP so wife can take early retirement, she's getting burned out after 25 years of teaching) plus doing some sudden pop-up home repairs including a roof leak and a hot water heater that died in the middle of the night. I've been super busy. However We hope to get together for a camping trip this spring at the property Wife and I just bought. Hopefully by then ( april or may) schedules will slow down and we can get together.

Good to hear. Thanks for the update.

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Originally Posted by oldsoldier

Hey Everybody I need some advice. Quick story. Back in 1988 when me and my first wife were still together we found out she was pregenant. ( we had only been together 3-4 months) and we hadn't gotten married yet. Well anyway we were not financially stable enough to support ourselves much less a child. So we decided for the sake of the baby ( a little girl) we put the baby up for adoption. About a year later we divorced due to her (ex-wife's) infidelity and drug habit. The family that adopted her is an extremely well off family from Indianapolis. She would/ did have things we could never have provided.

Since then I was wounded while in the army and can't have anymore children. So I accepted I would not have any children. Well I recieved a letter from an Indianapolis Lawyer yesterday asking me to contact them. I called this morning to see what they wanted and found that the child we put up for adoption ( she's now like 22) is wanting to find me/us. Her mother (my ex) is now deceased, but she still wants to meet me. My question is.........

Do I tell the lawyer YES? I'm kinda unsure here. Part of me wants so badly to meet her and possibly have a relationship with her. Or do I say no? What if I say yes and end up being a disapointment to her? Will the fact that I'm just a truck driver and not ______________________ be something she doesn't want any part of?

I myself was adopted and know the curiosity someone who's adopted has about their biological family.

I value the advise of all my friends here. Most of you here are a LOT smarter than I am. Several of you have give me great advise in the past, and I value it greatly.

Sorry for the long post but I would appreciate any advise either way.

Thanks everyone

Don

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I know you don't know me well...and I don't expect you to put MY opinion above anyones here...but here it is.

I'm a daughter of a birth father who wasn't in the picture for most of my life. As much as I love my mother and step father, I always longed to know my birthfather. I felt the need to connect with him and learn more about me. When it finally happened, it was amazing...I saw so much of me in him. I felt complete. I didn't love my step father LESS in any way...I just felt like I knew more about me and had found a new "friend" in my birth father.

Now...HE couldn't handle the dedication it took to have a part in my life...and walked away again. THAT is heartbreaking.
If you decide to meet her and create a relationship of some kind with her...stick to it. Don't abandon her EVER.

I know this is a very hard decision for you...and I am so amazingly proud of you for putting so much thought into this. It's something that will change everything for the both of you...and if you are both committed, it will be for the better.

Thoughts and prayers that you can make this decision with as little stress as possible. ;)

OS - As much as I want this to be a fairy tale ride for both of you I know reality could be a little different. You might want to meet her a time or two before you embark on a camping trip out east. That's a reasonably long trip and a lot of time together getting there, camping and getting back. Even if things are just awkward, and I'd think they will be for a first meeting, it could fix a sour note on the relationship. You know how first impressions can be.

If you meet her a time or two then you'll both know if you want to go on the trip and if you do the stage will be set for a good time by all.

Just some thoughts. You're living it so do what you think is right for you, obviously.

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you two are sailing smooth water so far!!

That's good to hear OS.

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Originally Posted by Trabitha

I know you don't know me well...and I don't expect you to put MY opinion above anyones here...but here it is.

I'm a daughter of a birth father who wasn't in the picture for most of my life. As much as I love my mother and step father, I always longed to know my birthfather. I felt the need to connect with him and learn more about me. When it finally happened, it was amazing...I saw so much of me in him. I felt complete. I didn't love my step father LESS in any way...I just felt like I knew more about me and had found a new "friend" in my birth father.

Now...HE couldn't handle the dedication it took to have a part in my life...and walked away again. THAT is heartbreaking.
If you decide to meet her and create a relationship of some kind with her...stick to it. Don't abandon her EVER.

I know this is a very hard decision for you...and I am so amazingly proud of you for putting so much thought into this. It's something that will change everything for the both of you...and if you are both committed, it will be for the better.

Thoughts and prayers that you can make this decision with as little stress as possible. ;)

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Thanks for your good input Trabitha, I appreciate it. You present a view from " the adoptee's side" We have through phone conversations become good friends, we both wish we lived closer so we could meet sooner. I can imagine your heartbreak of being put up for adoption, finding your birth father and having him abandon you again.Being adopted myself I know how it feels to wonder where you came from. I know I can never be her "dad" but I hope we can continue to be friends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rick

OS - As much as I want this to be a fairy tale ride for both of you I know reality could be a little different. You might want to meet her a time or two before you embark on a camping trip out east. That's a reasonably long trip and a lot of time together getting there, camping and getting back. Even if things are just awkward, and I'd think they will be for a first meeting, it could fix a sour note on the relationship. You know how first impressions can be.

If you meet her a time or two then you'll both know if you want to go on the trip and if you do the stage will be set for a good time by all.

Just some thoughts. You're living it so do what you think is right for you, obviously.

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you two are sailing smooth water so far!!

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Rick thanks for the great advice. The reason for meeting for the camping trip is it's a good part way between area to meet. There will be several others there for the camping trip. Myself, the wife, and about 6 other friends who are coming to help do a little work on "the retreat" and get it a little user friendly. Laura will be coming with her boyfriend/fiance and only have time to stay one night, they will drive down in the afternoon stay overnight and head back late morning the next day.

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