I must have had some reeeeeeaaaaaallly slow brain cells 'cause I'm sure I have plenty of slow ones left.
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I must have had some reeeeeeaaaaaallly slow brain cells 'cause I'm sure I have plenty of slow ones left.
You need to drink more.
Actually you have to have some brain cells in the 1st place before you go measuring their rate of speed! :innocent::sneaky2::cool2:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
This is a real "Oh Crap" moment!
His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the Door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, `Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . . You're NOT my Flight Instructor?
That would be bad. But THIS is an "Oh, crap!" moment. It makes me sad just looking at it.
http://www.funnychill.com/files/extr...r-accident.jpg
"Hello, boss? You remember when you told me to make certain the trailer door was locked? Weeeeeeell......"
Not actually a joke, but I laughed until I cried! Now that was comedy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2dumb2kwit
2dumb? Did you hear what that lady called you? :innocent:
Hey, watch it!!! I'm not little!:smash:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
Subject: A lawyer with a kind heart?
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate..
He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
'Sir, you are too kind.' 'Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place."
'The grass is almost a foot high.'
haha that is awesome! Was not expecting that...
Activity to pass the time....
The School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see
if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over
50 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is fifty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
and I betcha' you cannot resist passing it on . .
Boating Related Death
Not for the squeamish!
SECONDS before Death (CHILLING).
WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE
(CHILLING!)
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http://sn101w.snt101.mail.live.com/a...BE0FA96C07DD0|
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going o n five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60 You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, =C 2REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. < /span>The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The t ears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away.
I have edited this a bit, to be PC, but it still pus the point across
I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare.
I am an American.
I in God.
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized,and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G. Davidson that makes the Awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake, and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
I believe if you don't like the way things are here,go back to where you came from and change your own country!
This is AMERICA ...We like it the way it is!
If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.
I think it's good.... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in this country for the next four years.
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a Job and do your part!
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
I found a video, of Rick and Crash, working their side job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1ehMrK3itM
I didn't know Rick could sing......and who would've figured crash could move like that???:innocent:
We practice a lot.
REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES
Juggling Knives is Easy
Where To Find The Toys In The Oven
Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
101 Games to Play in the Road
Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub,a Blowdryer,and a Fork
POP, Goes The Hamster and Other Fun Microwave Games
Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
Monsters Killed Grandpa
Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
All Guns Squirt Water
When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
101 Recipies To Make With Dog
If It's Storming Out The Best Place To Keep Shelter Is Under A Tree
Your Nightmares are real
Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis
The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender
Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap
Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar Get a Flamethrower
Grampa Gets A Casket
Dad's New Wife Robert
The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refridgerator
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
Missed these:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
Running with Sharp objects is Dangerous; & Other Urban Legends.
Playing Cowboys & Indians With Daddy's Revolver is Best.
Making Slingshots out of Mommy's Underwear!
The 2nd Grade Teacher & the Single Student.
Why Children Should Avoid Considering "Being a Lawyer" as a Career.
:sneaky2:
And that old time classic.
Bus Drivers Love a Wet Finger in the Ear.
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE...
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14.. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Rick: I now feel my life crumbling around me :(
May I provide two answers?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
It's just the cracker crumbs. Vaccuum once in a while, will ya?
Banana....ban button.....banana....ban button. It's so hard to keep these things straight with my limited brain capacity. Ooooooo. The red one! I like red.
Ooooo....Philosophy. You mean like....
..if Ken, falls in the forest, and there is no one there to see it...is it still funny?
Or if vegetarians eat only vegetables.....what do humanitarians eat?
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2dumb2kwit
RICK! RICK! HIT THE RED BUTTON NOW! BAN THIS GUY! BAN 2dumb2kwit!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2dumb2kwit
Oh, come on. You have to admit, that that one was pretty clever. LOL:innocent:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
my wife and my tennant wreak my car and didnt report it, i tried to call police and she had me arrested! thats funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gene, you need to add one of these to your PSK:Quote:
Originally Posted by erunkiswldrnssurvival
http://www.netforlawyers.com/sites/d...ket_lawyer.jpg
And in light of your YouTube clips, maybe one of these:
http://store.vitalsource.com/product...28/150-225.jpg
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
The Godiva Diet. :innocent:
Ok so this may go overboard but it was sent to me and I thought that it was funny...
An elderly couple,
Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled,
'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'
Without changing her expression,
Margaret replied,
'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat.'
Something to brighten your day....
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j1.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j10.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j11.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j12.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j13.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j14.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j15.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...e_zone/j16.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j2.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j3.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j4.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j5.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j6.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j7.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j8.jpg
http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q...fe_zone/j9.jpg
....and brighten my day they did.
does anyone here know how to tel when a lawyer is lieing?
its easy his lips are moving:innocent:
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::c lap::clap:
Quote:
Originally Posted by wareagle69
Wow was that a funny one! Let me buy you a cup of coffee, WE!
http://www.kissthisarse.com/assets/t...sshere_mug.gif
Tssk, tsk,, play nice. And that is a nice coffee mug :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
uh no thanks i quit coffee a couple of months ago
Maybe a soft drink instead?Quote:
Originally Posted by wareagle69
http://wtfoodge.com/wp-content/uploa...soda-thumb.jpg