Mountaintrekker and the invention of the "crap strap" Pat Pending:)

Hello all,
I'm fairly new to this sight and I think this is a wealth of information, cudos to all those who participate and run this wonderful place! :D
I have not however heard too much regarding some basic bodily functions that we all deal with. I would like to recount a story that happened to me a couple of years ago hiking in the Colorado mountains if I may...
Here goes... I was alone and hiking to Conundrum Hot Springs outside of Aspen. This is a brisk 9 mile hike with a 4000 or so foot elevation gain along the way. The nice part is, you have some wonderful hot springs to soak in when you get there. I have never done this hike before and was really excited about it. I parked at the trail head a bit on the late side and figured it will be an easy trail to follow if it gets dark (I do have a headlamp after all and I'm no slouch in the woods).
After several hours it starts getting dark and I pass a few young 20 something girls coming down the trail and they tell me I should have the place all to myself as they were the last ones out. Fantastic I say to myself, then I think that having these 20 something cuties up by a hot spring as soaking buddies would have been pretty fantastic too! But I digress... (sigh)
So I get there in the dark and the springs don't seem to be close as I cannot see them or hear them and I'm bushed. I set up my tent and eat and notice that the temp is hovering in the teens. I figure I'll wake up at first light and take a dip when I can see and not risk falling in a hole or off a cliff.
I get in my sleeping bag and drift off for a bit. I wake up suddenly... what was that! A bear? Some other hiker? No... my stomach and a flatulent that would have killed Ron Hood. No bother I say, I'll deal with it later.
(Later) Ok, so now I need to go and take care of business. It's serious! Mission critical! Oh God! Where is the damn little shovel and the TP?! Ok, I have my essentials in hand, now for a spot. But where, it's totally dark and there are camp sights spread around and I don't want to be one of those people, SO WHERE! I run off into the woods like I'm on fire or something and I find a spot near some fir trees and heave my little plastic garden shovel like It's Excalibur and "clink" What the? Oh great, the ground is nice and frozen! PANIC!
I frantically look for plan "B" and spot a small cluster of trees with a sizable rock in their midst. YES! I run over and pull the rock over and center myself over my instant cat hole and hold onto the trees for some moral support. It's cold out and I don't realize what I'm actually holding onto until it's time to wipe. SAP! Tons of syrupy frickin sap!
You can use your imagination from here on out. I did find the hot springs shortly after and was able to clean up in the lowest one (thank God).
Now I go into the back country with a piece of tubular webbing and a caribiner. I now have a "crap strap" I can loop around a tree and my torso and keep my hands off of the sap. :D Hands free poopin!
So, I hope this is a piece of practical advice some of you could use. Always be aware of what your hands are on before you wipe! Also a reminder that just because a mountain stream looks clean, there could be a dork like me up 9 miles cleaning off you know what! :D

Sounds like you made the best of a sticky situation :eek:

What a crappy deal. Butt, I'm glad everything came out okay.

Har Har Har!!! :)

Keep laughing,I dont think you've heard the end of it yet :D

Im glad you were able to finish the paper work.

He set himself up to be the butt of a few more jokes.

I'm just glad you guys won't leave me behind... I think I just fragged myself... :)

It's a good idea. Lets all do the may pole.

Sounds like everything worked itself out in the end.

You'll just have to grin and bare it, I guess. After all, that's what happens when you post crap like that.

True, so true. Just move on and make the best of a crappy situation.

Funny story...way to build up suspense...I just knew you were going to say you fell right into the hot springs while looking for a place to ease your heavy load.

Must have been quite a burden alright, but did you really have to dump it on us? Just a crappy situation all around

Lot's of good advice here Mountaintrekker - I wouldn't poo poo any of the ideas just yet.

Crash is absolutely right! and I was thinking if you manage to sell any of your inventions you could wind up quite flush.

OK, I may have strained the subject too much with that one

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by trax

Crash is absolutely right! and I was thinking if you manage to sell any of your inventions you could wind up quite flush.

---

...and if you give it a go, we'll all be pulling for you. We'd hate to see you end up (dare I say it) down the crapper.

With his luck he'll have a sh** load of money but no pot to p*&& in. Just wipe that smile off your face and keep plugging away. The more you strain the more you gain, so they say.

Of course, if the invention really takes off, then you're best to just relax and go with the flow.

Make sure you use a reputable manufacturing facility. If the product picks up steam you don't want to become backed up and have your orders pile up.

If things get to smoking you might have more paper work to do butt that shouldn't happen if you aren't sitting down on the job.

I wonder how many straps can be made on each of the runs?

You guys are real slick :eek:

Every now and again we cling on to an idea.

Like stink on...er never mind:D

well that didn't work. Must have wiped the data clean.

Data?? never heard it called that before LMAO!!!!!:D

Actually I was trying to do the smiley faces to follow your previous post. Didn't work - that's what I meant, but you may be onto something......."Honey! There's dog data in the kitchen!" Nah, probably not.

Lets, see. Make one while searching for the holey place. While conducting business one hand is engaged in clinging to yon tree while the other is taking care of the paper work. Make one on the way back to the tent. That's two by my count. Yes, number two.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by crashdive123

Sounds like everything worked itself out in the end.

---

Hey Crashdive, did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

:D:D:D:D:D:D

Mountaintrekker, you mention in the post that you were "hands free" but actually you were holding onto the rubber/wrap aroudn the tree. You should devise a way to make it attach to your belt. Then you can read the paper while dropping the kids off at the pool. Just a thought...

:D

Or attach a mouth guard to it. Then you could use both hands. (Aurelius - His belt would be on the ground. Hello.....:rolleyes:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rick

Or attach a mouth guard to it. Then you could use both hands. (Aurelius - His belt would be on the ground. Hello.....:rolleyes:)

---

d'oh! You're right... a mouthpiece would fit nicely! :D

You guys are too much! I made the strap big enough to fit around my torso and the tree = hands free.
I think I'll take a break from defecation related topics for a awhile. :)

By the way, the Mrs. threatened to ban me from posting anymore... crap. :)

A torso strap? Hmmmm. A storso? A torap? We need to include an emergency break away in case the tree falls over while using it or a bear wanders up while you are.....indisposed. Something like a rip cord. And of course warning labels. Lots of warning labels.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rick

A torso strap? Hmmmm. A storso? A torap? We need to include an emergency break away in case the tree falls over while using it or a bear wanders up while you are.....indisposed. Something like a rip cord. And of course warning labels. Lots of warning labels.

---

Just don't want the cord to make you fall backwards into the poo. Nothing like stepping in your own feces. I've always said that. In fact, it's one of my mottos.

It's true. I've heard Aurelius say that a lot. In fact, he'll just say it for no apparent reason. You can be talking about baseball or survival or brewing beer and he'll just up and say, "Nothing like stepping in your own feces".

Nothing like deadpan, huh? :)

What's that about a bedpan? Don't even mention those or everyone will be asking how to fit them in their backpacks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by trax

What's that about a bedpan? Don't even mention those or everyone will be asking how to fit them in their backpacks.

---

No Trax, you got it all wrong! You keep your bedpan in your buddy's pack!