joke of the day july 11 [Archive] - Wilderness Survival Forums

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wareagle69

07-11-2008, 07:21 AM

so cinderell tom thumb and quasimodo are sitting around haveing a chat, cinderella says she is the most beautiful woman in the world, tom thumb says he is the smallest guy in the world and quasimodo claims he is the uglist most disgusting person in the world.
so guiness world records happens to be in town so in goes cinderella and comes out of the room a few minutes later all smiles and dancing and exclaims i am now officialy the most beautiful woman in the world.
next goes in tom thumb and a few minutes later he comes out jumping for joy i am officially the smallest person in the world he proudly says.
well then quasimodo goes in and a few minutes later he comes out looking sad and rejected his friends quickly ask whats wrong and he says

who the heck is rick?

Sarge47

07-11-2008, 08:03 AM

Now that's harsh!:D:D:D

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 08:19 AM

Filling in for Ken in his absense?

Pict

07-11-2008, 10:00 AM

Ha, Rick's the guy who showed them a photo of Wareagle. Mac

wareagle69

07-11-2008, 11:44 AM

dude thats harsh what i done to you? geeze this is pic on rick month look on your calander

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 11:46 AM

Pick on Rick Month? I thought it was Leonard Day Month. Sheesh. Guess I've got to start taking notes.

wareagle69

07-11-2008, 12:04 PM

nope its just leonard day whichs falls within pick on rick month which happily occurs 12 months out of a whole year so get busy it doesn't leave us much time

nell67

07-11-2008, 12:22 PM

Guy's, I thought you were just kidding about Pick On Rick Month! But nooooooo look at the calender,it's there alright!:D

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 12:31 PM

LMAO - got a hunch those Super Moderator powers are gonna come into play.

nell67

07-11-2008, 12:33 PM

Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!:(:D:D:D

trax

07-11-2008, 12:35 PM

yep, Rick's probably in a phone booth right now changing into his SuperModerator leotards or whatever it is those super hero types wear.

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 12:37 PM

yep, Rick's probably in a phone booth right now changing into his SuperModerator leotards or whatever it is those super hero types wear.

During the summer months they opt for something a bit more comfortable.

http://www.mooncostumes.com/image/956

trax

07-11-2008, 12:45 PM

Oh yeah, way to go, now SuperModerator is going to come crashing through the wall like that giant KoolAid jug and kick some butt. Unless, of course, you're right and he really is dressed like that :D

Pict

07-11-2008, 12:51 PM

http://www.mooncostumes.com/image/956

That came from the fitness club ad that keeps popping up here. Mac

Rick

07-11-2008, 12:57 PM

You are despicable. May the moose mangle your mushrooms, the bears bang around in your beans, the wolverines wollop your watermelons and the squirrels hide your nuts!

trax

07-11-2008, 12:59 PM

Careful there bud, that sounded suspiciously close to an emotional rant, we all know that's Crash's department.

nell67

07-11-2008, 01:08 PM

You are despicable. May the moose mangle your mushrooms, the bears bang around in your beans, the wolverines wollop your watermelons and the squirrels hide your nuts!

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:o

Rick

07-11-2008, 01:14 PM

(soft female computer voice) "The forum is in self destruct mode, Rick. Are you certain you want to do that?"

"Ban, 'em I tell you! Ban 'em all!"

"Very well. The forum will self destruct in nineteen minutes fifty nine seconds."

"That'll show 'em. No one makes fun of my tutu!"

Ridge Wolf

07-11-2008, 01:16 PM

363
That came from the fitness club ad that keeps popping up here. Mac

Naahh.. that picture came from his audition for the 'Americas Got Talent' show. :D

wareagle69

07-11-2008, 03:38 PM

You are despicable. May the moose mangle your mushrooms, the bears bang around in your beans, the wolverines wollop your watermelons and the squirrels hide your nuts!

(my best denero voice) you talkin to me?

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 03:44 PM

Uh, Mac......is it a popular fitness club?

trax

07-11-2008, 04:22 PM

...and popular with whom? (was that grammatically correct? Did I get my spelling right? Because, I know that matters to some folks around here.)

TrappinGal

07-11-2008, 05:08 PM

i dont be knowin iffn it is or naught,lol, but it was funny. lol

crashdive123

07-11-2008, 05:11 PM

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Rick

07-11-2008, 08:09 PM

Here's a few things I've learned along the way....

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Sh**head's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content..

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer Brains. '

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been

crashdive123

07-12-2008, 03:21 PM

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Rick

07-12-2008, 06:13 PM

Wally's Wedding Night

At 85 yrs. of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that she and Wally should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding, Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'Knock' on the door.

Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally - her 85 yr. old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well. Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally.

Again he is ready for 'more action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it........Wally is back again and looking as fresh as a 25-yr. old, ready for even more action.

And..... once again, they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave - his young bride says to him.......

"I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says:............

"YOU MEAN I WAS HERE ALREADY!"

Don't be afraid of getting old. Senior moments have a great many distinct advantages.

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yellowcab

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handsfreetelephone.ru (http://handsfreetelephone.ru)hangonpart.ru (http://hangonpart.ru)haphazardwinding.ru (http://haphazardwinding.ru)hardalloyteeth.ru (http://hardalloyteeth.ru)hardasiron.ru (http://hardasiron.ru)hardenedconcrete.ru (http://hardenedconcrete.ru)harmonicinteraction.ru (http://harmonicinteraction.ru)hartlaubgoose.ru (http://hartlaubgoose.ru)hatchholddown.ru (http://hatchholddown.ru)haveafinetime.ru (http://haveafinetime.ru)hazardousatmosphere.ru (http://hazardousatmosphere.ru)headregulator.ru (http://headregulator.ru)heartofgold.ru (http://heartofgold.ru)heatageingresistance.ru (http://heatageingresistance.ru)heatinggas.ru (http://heatinggas.ru)
heavydutymetalcutting.ru (http://heavydutymetalcutting.ru)jacketedwall.ru (http://jacketedwall.ru)japanesecedar.ru (http://japanesecedar.ru)jibtypecrane.ru (http://jibtypecrane.ru)jobabandonment.ru (http://jobabandonment.ru)jobstress.ru (http://jobstress.ru)jogformation.ru (http://jogformation.ru)jointcapsule.ru (http://jointcapsule.ru)jointsealingmaterial.ru (http://jointsealingmaterial.ru)journallubricator.ru (http://journallubricator.ru)juicecatcher.ru (http://juicecatcher.ru)junctionofchannels.ru (http://junctionofchannels.ru)justiciablehomicide.ru (http://justiciablehomicide.ru)juxtapositiontwin.ru (http://juxtapositiontwin.ru)kaposidisease.ru (http://kaposidisease.ru)
keepagoodoffing.ru (http://keepagoodoffing.ru)keepsmthinhand.ru (http://keepsmthinhand.ru)kentishglory.ru (http://kentishglory.ru)kerbweight.ru (http://kerbweight.ru)kerrrotation.ru (http://kerrrotation.ru)keymanassurance.ru (http://keymanassurance.ru)keyserum.ru (http://keyserum.ru)kickplate.ru (http://kickplate.ru)killthefattedcalf.ru (http://killthefattedcalf.ru)kilowattsecond.ru (http://kilowattsecond.ru)kingweakfish.ru (http://kingweakfish.ru)kinozones.ru (http://kinozones.ru)kleinbottle.ru (http://kleinbottle.ru)kneejoint.ru (http://kneejoint.ru)knifesethouse.ru (http://knifesethouse.ru)
knockonatom.ru (http://knockonatom.ru)knowledgestate.ru (http://knowledgestate.ru)kondoferromagnet.ru (http://kondoferromagnet.ru)labeledgraph.ru (http://labeledgraph.ru)laborracket.ru (http://laborracket.ru)labourearnings.ru (http://labourearnings.ru)labourleasing.ru (http://labourleasing.ru)laburnumtree.ru (http://laburnumtree.ru)lacingcourse.ru (http://lacingcourse.ru)lacrimalpoint.ru (http://lacrimalpoint.ru)lactogenicfactor.ru (http://lactogenicfactor.ru)lacunarycoefficient.ru (http://lacunarycoefficient.ru)ladletreatediron.ru (http://ladletreatediron.ru)laggingload.ru (http://laggingload.ru)laissezaller.ru (http://laissezaller.ru)
lambdatransition.ru (http://lambdatransition.ru)laminatedmaterial.ru (http://laminatedmaterial.ru)lammasshoot.ru (http://lammasshoot.ru)lamphouse.ru (http://lamphouse.ru)lancecorporal.ru (http://lancecorporal.ru)lancingdie.ru (http://lancingdie.ru)landingdoor.ru (http://landingdoor.ru)landmarksensor.ru (http://landmarksensor.ru)landreform.ru (http://landreform.ru)landuseratio.ru (http://landuseratio.ru)languagelaboratory.ru (http://languagelaboratory.ru)largeheart.ru (http://largeheart.ru)lasercalibration.ru (http://lasercalibration.ru)laserlens.ru (http://laserlens.ru)laserpulse.ru (http://laserpulse.ru)

yellowcab

01-10-2026, 01:16 PM

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manualchoke.ru (http://manualchoke.ru)medinfobooks.ru (http://medinfobooks.ru)mp3lists.ru (http://mp3lists.ru)nameresolution.ru (http://nameresolution.ru)naphtheneseries.ru (http://naphtheneseries.ru)narrowmouthed.ru (http://narrowmouthed.ru)nationalcensus.ru (http://nationalcensus.ru)naturalfunctor.ru (http://naturalfunctor.ru)navelseed.ru (http://navelseed.ru)neatplaster.ru (http://neatplaster.ru)necroticcaries.ru (http://necroticcaries.ru)negativefibration.ru (http://negativefibration.ru)neighbouringrights.ru (http://neighbouringrights.ru)objectmodule.ru (http://objectmodule.ru)observationballoon.ru (http://observationballoon.ru)
obstructivepatent.ru (http://obstructivepatent.ru)oceanmining.ru (http://oceanmining.ru)octupolephonon.ru (http://octupolephonon.ru)offlinesystem.ru (http://offlinesystem.ru)offsetholder.ru (http://offsetholder.ru)olibanumresinoid.ru (http://olibanumresinoid.ru)onesticket.ru (http://onesticket.ru)packedspheres.ru (http://packedspheres.ru)pagingterminal.ru (http://pagingterminal.ru)palatinebones.ru (http://palatinebones.ru)palmberry.ru (http://palmberry.ru)papercoating.ru (http://papercoating.ru)paraconvexgroup.ru (http://paraconvexgroup.ru)parasolmonoplane.ru (http://parasolmonoplane.ru)parkingbrake.ru (http://parkingbrake.ru)
partfamily.ru (http://partfamily.ru)partialmajorant.ru (http://partialmajorant.ru)quadrupleworm.ru (http://quadrupleworm.ru)qualitybooster.ru (http://qualitybooster.ru)quasimoney.ru (http://quasimoney.ru)quenchedspark.ru (http://quenchedspark.ru)quodrecuperet.ru (http://quodrecuperet.ru)rabbetledge.ru (http://rabbetledge.ru)radialchaser.ru (http://radialchaser.ru)radiationestimator.ru (http://radiationestimator.ru)railwaybridge.ru (http://railwaybridge.ru)randomcoloration.ru (http://randomcoloration.ru)rapidgrowth.ru (http://rapidgrowth.ru)rattlesnakemaster.ru (http://rattlesnakemaster.ru)reachthroughregion.ru (http://reachthroughregion.ru)
readingmagnifier.ru (http://readingmagnifier.ru)rearchain.ru (http://rearchain.ru)recessioncone.ru (http://recessioncone.ru)recordedassignment.ru (http://recordedassignment.ru)rectifiersubstation.ru (http://rectifiersubstation.ru)redemptionvalue.ru (http://redemptionvalue.ru)reducingflange.ru (http://reducingflange.ru)referenceantigen.ru (http://referenceantigen.ru)regeneratedprotein.ru (http://regeneratedprotein.ru)reinvestmentplan.ru (http://reinvestmentplan.ru)safedrilling.ru (http://safedrilling.ru)sagprofile.ru (http://sagprofile.ru)salestypelease.ru (http://salestypelease.ru)samplinginterval.ru (http://samplinginterval.ru)satellitehydrology.ru (http://satellitehydrology.ru)
scarcecommodity.ru (http://scarcecommodity.ru)scrapermat.ru (http://scrapermat.ru)screwingunit.ru (http://screwingunit.ru)seawaterpump.ru (http://seawaterpump.ru)secondaryblock.ru (http://secondaryblock.ru)secularclergy.ru (http://secularclergy.ru)seismicefficiency.ru (http://seismicefficiency.ru)selectivediffuser.ru (http://selectivediffuser.ru)semiasphalticflux.ru (http://semiasphalticflux.ru)semifinishmachining.ru (http://semifinishmachining.ru)spicetrade.ru (http://spicetrade.ru)spysale.ru (http://spysale.ru)stungun.ru (http://stungun.ru)tacticaldiameter.ru (http://tacticaldiameter.ru)tailstockcenter.ru (http://tailstockcenter.ru)
tamecurve.ru (http://tamecurve.ru)tapecorrection.ru (http://tapecorrection.ru)tappingchuck.ru (http://tappingchuck.ru)taskreasoning.ru (http://taskreasoning.ru)technicalgrade.ru (http://technicalgrade.ru)telangiectaticlipoma.ru (http://telangiectaticlipoma.ru)telescopicdamper.ru (http://telescopicdamper.ru)temperateclimate.ru (http://temperateclimate.ru)temperedmeasure.ru (http://temperedmeasure.ru)tenementbuilding.ru (http://tenementbuilding.ru)tuchkas (http://tuchkas.ru/)ultramaficrock.ru (http://ultramaficrock.ru)ultraviolettesting.ru (http://ultraviolettesting.ru)