Women.

[ibosserman]

This isn't the regular thing to talk about but marriage is a hard one to survive. It seems that the harder I try the deeper in dirt I get. Open mouth insert foot as they say. Women are so hard to understand. now I'm by myself sitting in self pity and guilt. This is a survival situation. Not good. Now I don't know what to do. Sorry I,m off subject.:angry: I just say the wrong things. I thought as you got older the stupid gene would where off us men. Apparently not.

[crashdive123]

Hope things work out OK for you. I've learned two short phrases that have helped - I'm sorry and yes dear. Not trying to make light of your situation. Everybody says or does something from time to time that causes "issues". Don't let it get you down. Don't try and fix things if you are angry.

[Winter]

I have had my girl troubles Brother. A Paratrooper shouldn't cry, like a baby who dropped an ice cream cone, for a week.

Make a plan, work the plan.

Women have a tendency to make decisions faster then men. They do this because they make the decision with their feelings instead of "men's" reality.

Do not try to understand them. Focus on understanding yourself.

The stupid gene is what women call "Machismo". No manly man I know gets along real well with woman. The super wise of these manly men do know how to live amongst them with relative relaxation.

[cowgirlup]

Well, not sure just what happened but I hope it passes quickly. I'm not very emotional for a female and my husband can be on the emotional side. I tend to be direct. So, I try to think before i speak. Doesn't always work.


Winter, I can see where your troubles lie already! I bet you are stepping in it all the time. LOL ;)

[ibosserman]

thanks all. you all give good advice. It will all work out. I have to think before I speak.

[Winter]

Well, not sure just what happened but I hope it passes quickly. I'm not very emotional for a female and my husband can be on the emotional side. I tend to be direct. So, I try to think before i speak. Doesn't always work.


Winter, I can see where your troubles lie already! I bet you are stepping in it all the time. LOL ;)

True, been married 20 yrs.

[ibosserman]

I hope we make it that long. We have been together for 6 years married two.

[hossthehermit]

Closing in on 20 years, here, too. 'Course it's taken 4 different wives to get there.

[carbean]

Did a 23y stent with the first wife, pushing ten with the second. Step one, try to make love to her. If that doesn't work then chances are it is something more than hormones. Does she want to work it out? Do you? Does she have someone else? Do you? I try to rule out the worst stuff and then if it appears salvagable I go back to step one. Good luck man.

[kyratshooter]

I have absolutely zero advice to give.

Because I have absolutely zero information to work with. Who did what to which in what order then who said want and did this that or the other is critical in these situations.

And believe me that preceived injuries are more critical than the real ones. Espically at the "If you don't have enough sense to know what you did why should I tell you!" stage.

If you know what you did you are toast.

If she did something and thinks she is justified you are toast.

Just remember;

Dogs bite you,
bosses fire you,
women leave you,
good trucks are forever.

Maybe you should consider buying a new truck.

[shooter_250]

What Ratshooter said...X10

Lee

[oldsoldier]

'Course it's taken 4 different wives to get there.

Man I thought I was bad I'm on my third... Been together 12 years in june. But in may case third time is the charm. Never been happier or more content in my life. With the health issues, family illness and accidents, home damage and everything else I don't know if I would have kept my sanity without my loving wife. iboss hope every thing works out for you.

[Seniorman]

iBosserman, you should take "The Real Man Test." If you pass, and your wife understands the importance of your answers, you'll soon have true peace, happiness, and tranquility in your marriage.


The Real Man Test

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives if they carefully review the "C" answer.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.


3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Vikings called a draw play on third and seventeen.


6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?


7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"


8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real man checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.


9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Colt’s Govt. Model .45 ACP.

Good luck. :)

S.M.

[BENESSE]

To all "real men" who answered C:
Hope you're real happy in your man cave with your inflatable doll.
Just sayin'.

[Winter]

Inflatable dolls can't make sammich's.

[Seniorman]

To all "real men" who answered C:
Hope you're real happy in your man cave with your inflatable doll.
Just sayin'.


:lol:

S.M.

[RangerXanatos]

Sorry for what you're going through. Here are two quotes I think sum up a lot of relationship woes.

Some deserve second chances, some don't.
The one that can't forgive you is often the one who doesn't deserve you.

Time and patience will tell. Best of luck to you.

[Beans]

THE three magic phrases,
Yes Dear
Of Course dear
You are right and I was wrong

I know these work :surrender: because I have been married 34 years. ( 10 years the 1st time, 17 years the 2nd time and now 7 years)

[tsitenha]

Been married just short of 38yrs, known her over 51yrs, still one of the best things that happened to me :)
The other was birth of my son:)

Probably will move in together next year or so.....did I say that :):):)

[1stimestar]

One word of advice. Do not think that because we have a strong opinion about something or that we are mad at you is because we are "hormonal". We have strong opinions because we have brains. We are mad at you because you probably did something stupid.

[BENESSE]

Amen, sister.
Insecure men have a problem with it. The rest have been happily married for a long, long time.

[Beans]

In my 67 years of learning I have made the following observations. and in my opinon

Women from birth are taught how to get along with men and each other, to be compassionate, to be forgiving, and to be understanding. By whom, their mothers, their older sisters, their other girlfriends. And with those lessons they become mentally strong.

Men however were never taught how to get along with women and sometimes not even other men. We were taught to be physically strong, fixers, warriors and protectors.

So in our unlearned state we treat women just like we treat other men or we error in the other extreme and treat women as if they are fragile.

There are exceptions but on the whole these are my observations

In todays world that leaves a lot more to be learned in a very short time.

[BENESSE]

A very astute observation, Beans.

[hossthehermit]

It's simple. Women are a superior species.

[finallyME]

I thought my wife could be hormonal. Now I have a 10 year old daughter. :scared:

Here are a few rules that you might consider:

1. Never, ever, ever, tell her that her cooking is bad.

2. Tell her that you love her every day, more than once a day.

3. Never raise your voice to talk to her.

4. Serve her. This one is the most important. This means to do things for her, which mostly entail housework. It is really, really hard to have hard feelings for someone whom you are serving. The more you serve her, the more she will reciprocate. If the two of you are busy doing this, then all the little annoyances seem to disappear.

I am not a marriage counselor. From my little observation, the biggest problem I see in marriages that fail is the "me" problem. Infidelity falls into this category. Either one partner, or both are concerned that the other is fulfilling their needs. They say "He/she doesn't care about me and doesn't fulfill MY needs". However, I have seen that couples who do the opposite, and always look for how they can help the other, generally have a long happy marriage. Of course, they have problems, but they aren't that big, and they learn to just ignore the unimportant stuff. I have only been married 10 years, but it has helped a lot.

[finallyME]

For the real man test, I didn't answer C on #5 and #6, but I did on all the others. Guess I am not a real man. :(

[cowgirlup]

I thought my wife could be hormonal. Now I have a 10 year old daughter. :scared:

Here are a few rules that you might consider:

1. Never, ever, ever, tell her that her cooking is bad.

2. Tell her that you love her every day, more than once a day.

3. Never raise your voice to talk to her.

4. Serve her. This one is the most important. This means to do things for her, which mostly entail housework. It is really, really hard to have hard feelings for someone whom you are serving. The more you serve her, the more she will reciprocate. If the two of you are busy doing this, then all the little annoyances seem to disappear.

I am not a marriage counselor. From my little observation, the biggest problem I see in marriages that fail is the "me" problem. Infidelity falls into this category. Either one partner, or both are concerned that the other is fulfilling their needs. They say "He/she doesn't care about me and doesn't fulfill MY needs". However, I have seen that couples who do the opposite, and always look for how they can help the other, generally have a long happy marriage. Of course, they have problems, but they aren't that big, and they learn to just ignore the unimportant stuff. I have only been married 10 years, but it has helped a lot.

I am pretty sure you will have many happy years together. :)

[1stimestar]

Nothing as sexy as a man doing the dishes!

[Sourdough]

Nothing as sexy as a man doing the dishes!

Easy to turn'on a bush-woman...............Hehehehehe

[JPGreco]

I thought my wife could be hormonal. Now I have a 10 year old daughter. :scared:

Here are a few rules that you might consider:

1. Never, ever, ever, tell her that her cooking is bad.

2. Tell her that you love her every day, more than once a day.

3. Never raise your voice to talk to her.

4. Serve her. This one is the most important. This means to do things for her, which mostly entail housework. It is really, really hard to have hard feelings for someone whom you are serving. The more you serve her, the more she will reciprocate. If the two of you are busy doing this, then all the little annoyances seem to disappear.

I am not a marriage counselor. From my little observation, the biggest problem I see in marriages that fail is the "me" problem. Infidelity falls into this category. Either one partner, or both are concerned that the other is fulfilling their needs. They say "He/she doesn't care about me and doesn't fulfill MY needs". However, I have seen that couples who do the opposite, and always look for how they can help the other, generally have a long happy marriage. Of course, they have problems, but they aren't that big, and they learn to just ignore the unimportant stuff. I have only been married 10 years, but it has helped a lot.

Excellent post. The only thing I would say is it's not just serving her. Everyone, male and female, has something that they desire. It very well me doing the dishes and other household chores for your wife. It may be hugging your significant other a lot as well as other small touches. It may be words of encouragement and affirmation. Spending quality time together (this does not include on the couch in front of the tv). And some people like little gifts often (like flowers or other small things). The key is knowing what your significant other desires and construes of acts of affection. Personally, I trigger on words of affirmation and small touches. Couldn't care less about gifts really. I mean, I appreciate them, but thats about it. Quality time goes hand in hand with my main triggers. As for doing things for me, its like a gift, I appreciate it, but not on the same level as my main triggers.

Every one has them, know what they are and it can make life way easier. Especially if you THINK it's one thing cause that's what you desire, but it may not be what they desire.

*all of the above information came from a book written by a certifed marriage counselor

[hunter63]

This isn't the regular thing to talk about but marriage is a hard one to survive. It seems that the harder I try the deeper in dirt I get. Open mouth insert foot as they say. Women are so hard to understand. now I'm by myself sitting in self pity and guilt. This is a survival situation. Not good. Now I don't know what to do. Sorry I,m off subject.:angry: I just say the wrong things. I thought as you got older the stupid gene would where off us men. Apparently not.
Sorry to hear this, hang in there.........


Several of you have it mostly figured out......so here is my list, advice to any man.
1. First thing in the morning, and last thing at nite.......tell her that you love her, and mean it.
2. First thing in the morning, and last thing at nite.......Say I'm sorry...and mean it....(doesn't matter if you did anything wrong or not...you will)
3. Most discussions can be ended with, "Yes dear, your are right, I'm wrong"...not really worth the hassle.

4. Lastly and most important, is the "non-committal grunt" to be used at those times when you just really don't want to deal with it.

DW and I have been married for 42- or maybe 43 years? No, I not gonna ask her, LOL.......

And remember the words of my young son @ about 8 years old, "If Momma isn't happy....Nobody is happy"

[kyratshooter]

It's simple. Women are a superior species.

My late wife blamed these male problems on the fact that we were working with a broken cormosone.

I also found that getting home an hour before she did helped the relationship. I had done a load of clothes, cleaned up a bit and cooked supper by the time she came in.

This thread has turned into one of the most disturbing, funniest, pitiful examples of miscommunication I have ever experienced.

And we still don't know what the OP did to Pee his wife off!

[1stimestar]

Easy to turn'on a bush-woman...............Hehehehehe

My 20+ year relationship was based on traditional roles for the most part. I for the most part didn't mind. I did the cooking and cleaning. He did the yard stuff (and helped me with the garden) and car stuff. This was while BOTh of us were working 40+ hours a week. When he wasn't working and I was, he did SOME cooking and picked up some, no real organizing or deep cleaning. He was good about picking up after himself at least. We had been together many years when we had children and then things did change. Sorry, if I am working 40 hours a week, coming home and cooking and cleaning AND taking care of the babies, then I just don't have energy for much of anything else. Especially when he came home and sat on the couch, "tired" from work. After all, that's the way his parents did it. But then again, his mother never worked while the kids were young. She stayed home and made everyone's beds and baked cookies. So yea, a man who cared about me enough to help keep me from a constant state of exhaustion, works for me.

[BENESSE]

My 20+ year relationship was based on traditional roles for the most part. I for the most part didn't mind. I did the cooking and cleaning. He did the yard stuff (and helped me with the garden) and car stuff. This was while BOTh of us were working 40+ hours a week. When he wasn't working and I was, he did SOME cooking and picked up some, no real organizing or deep cleaning. He was good about picking up after himself at least. We had been together many years when we had children and then things did change. Sorry, if I am working 40 hours a week, coming home and cooking and cleaning AND taking care of the babies, then I just don't have energy for much of anything else. Especially when he came home and sat on the couch, "tired" from work. After all, that's the way his parents did it. But then again, his mother never worked while the kids were young. She stayed home and made everyone's beds and baked cookies. So yea, a man who cared about me enough to help keep me from a constant state of exhaustion, works for me.

According to a very recent poll, an overwhelming number of women (82+%) preferred that over flowers. (me too, btw) Men who know that are most likely happily married and those who would like to be, well, it's not rocket science. That's what it takes, plain and simple.

[ibosserman]

Thanks for all the info and advice. Everything is A OK now. All back to normal again. I have learned so much about the workings of woman. This is my 3rd wife. And I am still learning. Someday I will get it right.

[BENESSE]

So glad it's working out!
A very wise woman (my grandmother) once told me but it applies to all of us:
God gave you two ears and one mouth; talk less listen more.
We just want to be heard by the one who matters most, that's all.

[hossthehermit]

Thanks for all the info and advice. Everything is A OK now. All back to normal again. I have learned so much about the workings of woman. This is my 3rd wife. And I am still learning. Someday I will get it right.

No, you won't. You may get good enuff to get by, but it won't be RIGHT.

[BENESSE]

No, you won't. You may get good enuff to get by, but it won't be RIGHT.

Getting it right is a moving target. As long as you're halfway there with the person you're with, they'll meet you half way.
It's really not that hard. You just need to care enough to make an effort.

[EdD270]

ibosserman, here's some advice for what it's worth:
If you have a disagreement with your DW, and things later work out to prove that you were right, the first thing you need to do is apologize to her.
When a woman and a man marry, she thinks he's great but not perfect and she can change him into the perfect man, he thinks she's perfect and will never change. They're both wrong.
If you notice a pattern developing, e.g. open mouth - insert foot, do something to interrupt the pattern, such as stop opening your mouth.
Spend time in the bathroom, preferably at work where DW can't hear you, and practice saying with great sincerity "I'm Sorry, dear".
Women want to talk to air their feelings. Men hear that talk and assume the woman want them to do something to fix things. When women want the man to fix things, they won't come out and say so, but expect the man to just intuitively know it. Neither works well.
Good luck to you. We've been married way over 40 years, and I'm still learning.

[EdD270]

One word of advice. Do not think that because we have a strong opinion about something or that we are mad at you is because we are "hormonal". We have strong opinions because we have brains. We are mad at you because you probably did something stupid.

Women do not act the way they do because of hormones, nor because of genetics. It because of chromosomes.

[yellowcab]

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[yellowcab]

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[yellowcab]

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