Apathy....

[Winnie]

Well I'm not going to add much more, this thread is getting a wee bit much to read.

I will say I hope very much that you start to feel more like yourself very soon and you have my very best wishes that your hurt soon stops

[smhg]

Originally Posted by hoosierarcher

My depression is more than a "dang, my life sucks!" teenage angst. I know it's not genetic in my case because I'm the only one in my extended family I know of having it.
I have had insomnia since I got out of the Corps. Partly because of some things that happened while in, mostly because I didn't have the regimented lifestyle anymore. The late night study sessions for college and the working two jobs(because The Corps no longer paid) while going to college full time. Part of my insomnia is probably genetic as my mother suffered from it as well. I have studied insomnia to the point that I know more about it then most doctors. I haven't had the drive to do what is nessacary to beat it of late. I've been running on 1 -2 hours of sleep or less a night. You see when the quiet dark surrounds me the self recriminations fill my mind. I have a genius IQ. I'm college educated. I'm a chef with 30 years experience not just that I'm actually a good cook and creative in the kitchen and have worked in 700 dinners a night restaurants. I'm a published poet and short story author. I've got skills in management and logistics. It is just hard to fight the shadows off and stay enthused after placing over 1000 resumes in person and online in 6 months without a single reply.
I'd take that Survival show host gig if I wasn't so danged unphotogenic(aka fugly).
Can you tell just getting all this off my chest has made me feel a bit better?

HA, many times since we were married, my husband has said to me that desperate times require desperate measures.

If things are not working where you are, move somewhere else and start fresh and simple. Do your best with your house, but if it forecloses due to circumstances you cannot control, that only means you are free from the mortgage and can start a less expensive life somewhere else. I am not saying walk away from it irresponsibly, but I am just showing you that some good can come from a difficult situation. Credit history is not the end-all, be-all (that being said from someone who worked in corporate banking for 10 years!)

Regarding the depression, get help. Use medication if you think necessary, but get help from someone who can counsel you so you can get to the root of this and not need meds, because meds may not always be there for you like they are today.

There is truth in the comment I've heard that by forcing ourselve to change our thinking and doing, our feelings eventually follow. So, get into a routine, start thinking success, and start making yourself do what you know needs to be done - after some time, you will start feeling better too.

HA, the middle of the night, after not having slept for some time, can be the hardest. If it gets to be too hard for you some nights and you think you could get to the point of hurting yourself, CALL SOMEONE to come stay at your house with you. I spent a few nights at a friends house some years back. She'd call me at all hours of the night to come over the sleep in her same room because she was afraid she may hurt herself those nights when she sunk deepest. I was MORE THAN HAPPY, as her friend, to help her through those nights. She did not abuse my friendship, she knew I really was there for her in those moments.

You can do the same - call on your friends.

Finally, as you seek help through this time, try to remind yourself that this will work out for good. The things you are learning right now will be helpful in any economic situation (reaching out to people you trust, etc.) Regardless if the economy gets better or worse, the important thing is to somehow figure out how and when this depression started, then work on not letting those things control your mind and feelings now. Whatever lies you believe about your skills, talents, etc. are just that - LIES.

The TRUTH is that you have a purpose! Maybe part of your purpose will be helping others overcome what you are overcoming.

[rwc1969]

Originally Posted by hoosierarcher

Well I was starting to pull myself up by my boot straps from all the positive re-enforcements and then Sourdough went and stuck a pin in my baloon.

Well, you still have a sense of humor so all isn't lost yet.

[AVENGED]

Just Curious. When I'd Apply For Welding Jobs, I'd Have To Do Some Welds To Show My Quality. Do You Do The Same For Applying As A Cook? Showcase Your Talents. Show Peopel(Or Taste) What You Can Do. Sure, You Can Go And Apply As A Cook. But If They Taste How Good You Are Thats A Whole Different Story. Everyones A Sucker For A Good Meal!!!

[hoosierarcher]

Originally Posted by rwc1969

Well, you still have a sense of humor so all isn't lost yet.

But it is dark, is it not?

[hoosierarcher]

Originally Posted by AVENGED

Just Curious. When I'd Apply For Welding Jobs, I'd Have To Do Some Welds To Show My Quality. Do You Do The Same For Applying As A Cook? Showcase Your Talents. Show Peopel(Or Taste) What You Can Do. Sure, You Can Go And Apply As A Cook. But If They Taste How Good You Are Thats A Whole Different Story. Everyones A Sucker For A Good Meal!!!

I have had to "audition" in the past. I am fed up with the internet job sites. I've sent countless resumes all over the country with not one response.

[Sourdough]

Originally Posted by Rick

I don't think you toss a rock to someone struggling to stay afloat. A hand works much better in my opinion.

Maybe you missed the last sentence of the Original Post: " and a KICK in my Complacency".

[rwc1969]

they say word of mouth "networking" is the best way to find work these days.

the internet job sites get hit so hard, especially now, that it takes a miracle to get noticed.

If I were srious about finding work I'd walk into places that I was interested in and try to talk to someone. Let them know you're interested and ask for an interview. you could even play it off as an "informational interview". once you get your foot in the door it's much easier to tell them in person what your qualifications are.

So many people just "show up", or don't even show up, for work anymore that employers are always seeking to replace someone. Just because there ain't no sign out front doesn't mean they ain't lookin.

i think it was Bennesse that said to get some regularity in your life and I think that's good advice for someone who is down and out.

Just getting up, cleaning up, doing laundry, cleaning house, yardwork, volunterring, etc. will at least keep your mind occupied and a lot of times exercize alone will give your attitude a boost in the right direction. it's actually scientifically proven to lighten your mood. It releases endorphins or something...kinda like taking drugs without the negative side effects.

[Rick]

HA - RWC is absolutely correct. Networking is the BEST source of jobs under any circumstance. You had a possible job offer just touching base with us. So let your family and friends know you are looking. Often, they will know of a position coming open before it's even posted. And someone posted a week ago that job hunting is your job until you find one. That's so true. It's an 8 hour a day job.

You may already know this, if so I apologize, but most Fortune 500 companies utilize the web because they can automatically scan applications and resume's and reduce the thousands to just a few without human intervention. Tailor your resume/application to exactly what the job description is calling for. If it is looking for "a candidate with at least 3 years experience in survival" then your resume should say you have "3+ years experience in survival". Also include a cover letter that summarizes what they are looking for and why you are the perfect candidate. Something like.....

You are seeking a candidate that excels at killing bears. I have killed 12 bears, bare-handed armed with only a survival knife.

You are seeking a candidate that understands how to locate water in diverse locations. I taught Bear how to squeeze water out of elephant poo.

Sort of corny but you get the picture. Match word for word what they posted and you'll stand a much better chance of getting past the spiders that scan the material and actually getting your application into the hands of a human.

I hope that was of some help. But do let every acquaintance know you are looking for a job.

[AVENGED]

Originally Posted by hoosierarcher

I have had to "audition" in the past. I am fed up with the internet job sites. I've sent countless resumes all over the country with not one response.

I Think With The Volume Of Resumes On Any Given Job Site The Employer Is Probly Overwhelmed With Them. Like Looking For A Sane Person In A Wilderness Survival Forum.

[hoosierarcher]

Something that helps........I have had a Netflix membership since it started. I've had to put it on hold at times because of finances but lately I've been collecting cans for scrap fees of .34/pound to pay for it and the last few days I've watched a DVD collection from the BBC called "Warriors." I highly recommend them for your DVD library as the history is excellent. I found my mood lifted in watching them. I have a BA in History and I have always loved historic things. I also watched an HBO series about John Adams on DVD and it stirred my patriotism quite strongly.
I'm no where near my normal self but your advice and incouragement and watching something other than TV has helped me make in roads to wellness.
I'm making chances to help my insomnia, which should lower my melatonin and raise my seratonin.

[Sourdough]

Hoosierarcher, I thought of you when I read ferfal's Monday blog post. Take care of yourself.

[rebel]

What's your cooking specialty? Sam, another Marine and WSF member is also a chef.
Have you thought about having your own restaurant?

[hoosierarcher]

Originally Posted by rebel

What's your cooking specialty? Sam, another Marine and WSF member is also a chef.
Have you thought about having your own restaurant?

I've actually trained in many cuisine styles french, german, italian,japanese and of coarse American. I was one of the first chefs in America to do fusion recipes.My ribs have won Best in Detroit back in the late 80s and early 90s. My mesquite roasted herb crusted pork tenderloin makes people close their eyes, and bow and shake their heads and tap their forks on the tap. My prime rib has made people drive 250 miles for a slice. I make pork chops that are amzing and fried chicken that makes men slap their mommas. My suausage gravy and biscuits have made women propose marriage....and a couple of men too. LOL
Yes I have wanted to have my own restaurant. I still daydream about it. My credit was first whacked with my divorce and furthered messed up by years of under employment and bad choices. I'd like to have a restaurant like so many you see on "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" small with old favorites both traditional and with a twist and some original stuff that is "off the chain."
I wrote a cookbook when I lived in California and a hacker erased my hard drive and I lot it all. Anyway here's one of the breakfast menu items my restaurant would have. Countryboy Omelette. A 5 egg omelette stuffed with country fried potatoes, sauteed onions, crumbled cooked sage and garlic pork sausage and topped with shredded Pinconning cheese and sausage gravy and served with fresh baked buttermilk biscuits.

[rebel]

Originally Posted by hoosierarcher

I've actually trained in many cuisine styles french, german, italian,japanese and of coarse American. I was one of the first chefs in America to do fusion recipes.My ribs have won Best in Detroit back in the late 80s and early 90s. My mesquite roasted herb crusted pork tenderloin makes people close their eyes, and bow and shake their heads and tap their forks on the tap. My prime rib has made people drive 250 miles for a slice. I make pork chops that are amzing and fried chicken that makes men slap their mommas. My suausage gravy and biscuits have made women propose marriage....and a couple of men too. LOL
Yes I have wanted to have my own restaurant. I still daydream about it. My credit was first whacked with my divorce and furthered messed up by years of under employment and bad choices. I'd like to have a restaurant like so many you see on "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" small with old favorites both traditional and with a twist and some original stuff that is "off the chain."
I wrote a cookbook when I lived in California and a hacker erased my hard drive and I lot it all. Anyway here's one of the breakfast menu items my restaurant would have. Countryboy Omelette. A 5 egg omelette stuffed with country fried potatoes, sauteed onions, crumbled cooked sage and garlic pork sausage and topped with shredded Pinconning cheese and sausage gravy and served with fresh baked buttermilk biscuits.

I think I gained a couple of pounds from just reading about your specialties!

My mom took an early retirement to open a mom & pop style diner. It was something she had wanted to do for a long time. I renovated the building and would help out on the grill, wash dishes, prep, clean and peal potatoes. It was only a breakfast and lunch place. Depending on the day of the week she would have turkey, ham, roast, etc with all the fixings. It ended up being a successful business. I think the key to it being successful was that the food was fresh, homemade and reasonably priced. The food that the chains pump out is nothing but heat and serve garbage that was prepared months in advance. When I have a choice, I dine and shop from the locals.

It sounds like you are competent and enjoy your work. Not everyone can say that. Have you thought about catering from your home? Sometimes that develops into a business. With the holiday season a lot of businesses like to have lunch and dinner catered. Churches have holiday meals. (e): (Most have nice big kitchens). That could get you some exposure. Keep us posted. I know something will work out.