So I hang out on a mountain biking forum. It's pretty active, with members from all round the world and there are literally hundreds of threads on every topic under the sun - many of them not related to mountain biking.
Recently, some twit started a thread asking for recommendations on which knife to buy (sound familiar?) . His scenario was that he regularly rode his bike through a sketchy neighborhood and some of the "shady looking characters" had been "looking at him funny." So he wanted a knife in order to defend himself and his bike should they get too close. He also told us that he had to ride his bike through the neighborhood because he wasn't old enough to drive.
Fortunately, most of the responses were along the lines of "Don't even think about buying a knife" and "If you really believe you're in danger, stop riding through that neighborhood" or "Please learn the legal implications of what you're proposing".
But, before too long, the Rambo types showed up and began posting pictures of the "Survival Knife" they carry "everywhere they go." You can guess the type of thing they were talking about. Hollow handles, saw blade edges, "Lest we forget" 9/11 tributes engraved on the blade, that sort of thing.
There were also lots of war stories, mostly beginning with something like "I was once at a convenience store in a really bad neighborhood at 3 in the morning and these illegal immigrant types were ahead of me in line. They just bought coffee and left but I sure am glad I had my Bowie knife in my backpack..."
But my favorite was the guy who bragged that he carried a Swiss Army Knife everywhere he goes. No problem there, I carry one myself but get this: The clown was firmly convinced that by having a Swiss Army Knife in his saddlebag, he was now fully protected from everything. Bears, mountain lions, street thugs, the lot. He actually claimed "No matter what my environment, I have no fear because I'm fully prepared to defend myself and my property."
Yep, I'm sure a mountain lion, bear or biker gang will think twice before bothering a lycra-clad yuppie once they see him brandishing a nail file.
So...can anyone top that one?
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