Joke of the day.

[2dumb2kwit]

Oh, and don't forget.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqi0DwNLJdM

[2dumb2kwit]

Is this one a blonde???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtjW7...eature=related

[BENESSE]

That was funny!

[Pal334]

Simple but Brilliant and full of Truths! Enjoy!
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage the U.S. ever has known.

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . . Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

[Rick]

Oh, man. This is too funny.....No comments please, I don't want this to go political but it is funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6sNl...layer_embedded

[Pal334]

Should have warned me, now I have to clean my coffee off the screen

[2dumb2kwit]

Oh, man. This is too funny.....No comments please, I don't want this to go political but it is funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6sNl...layer_embedded

AAAAaaaahahahah.....I'll be back, in a minute. I've got to go share this! LOL


...Ohhhh Justin........

[hoosierarcher]

Two men walk into a bar.
The third man ducks.

[hoosierarcher]

A clown walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this some kind of Joke?"

[Sarge47]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other: Does this taste funny to you?

[Ken]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other: Does this taste funny to you?

Don't give up your day job.

[BENESSE]

If you ever feel a little stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

Q: If you could live forever, would you and why?
A: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[hoosierarcher]

A cannibal keeps being approached by missionaries. He eat one after another. He eats a catholic, a Methodist, an Episcopalian, a Mormon, a Baptist and a Nazarene, then even a Pentecostal and a Muslim and lastly a Buddhist and Hindu. Greatly engorged and bloated from his huge feast he heads to his "facilities" and has an Ecumenical Movement.

[Winnie]

Redneck Computer terms

Backup; What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
Bar Code; Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
Bit; A wager, as in, "I bit you cain't spit that chaw acrosst the porch longways."
Bug; The reason you give for calling in sick
Byte; Whut them flys do; First word in a kiss-off phrase;
What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
Cache; Needed when you run out of food stamps
Chip; Munchies fer the TV; Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
Crash; When you go to Junior's party uninvited
Cursor; What some guys do when they're mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
Digital; The art of counting on your fingers
Digital Control; What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
Diskette; Female Disco dancer
Dot Matrix; Ole Dan Matrix's wife
Download; Getting the farwood out of the pickup
Edit; Whut ya did with dessert
Enter; Northern talk fer "y'all c'mon in"
Fax; What you lie about to the IRS
Floppy; When you run out of Polygrip.
Floppy Disk; Whatcha git from trying to carry too much farwood
Hacker; Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
Hard Drive; Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
Hardcopy; Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
Internet; Where cafeteria workers put their hair
Keyboard; That thing with hooks to hang your truck keys.
LAN; To borrow, as in, "Hey, Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
Laptop; Whar the kitty sleeps
Log Off; Don't add no more wood
Log on ; Making a wood stove hotter
Mac; Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Main Frame; What holds up the barn ruf
Megahertz; When yer not careful getting the farwood or any time I get offended, someone will;
How your head feels after 17 beers
Micro Chip; Whut's left in the munchie bag
Modem; What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
Montior; Keeping an eye on the woodstove
Mouse; Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
Mouse Pad; Where Mickey and Minnie live
Network; Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line; Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
Online; Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
Packet; What you do to a suitcase or Wal-mart bag afore a trip.
Port; Fancy flatlander wine
Prompt; Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
RAM; That thing whut splits the farwood
Random Access Memory; When ya cain't member whut ya paid fer yer rifle when yor wife asks
Reboot ; What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
ROM; Delicious when you mix it with coca cola; Where the pope lives
Screen; Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SCSI; What you call your week-old underwear
Serial Port; A red wine you drink with breakfast
Software; Them plastic forks and knives
Superconductor; Amtrak's Employee of the year
Terminal; Time to call the undertaker
Window; Place in your truck to hang your guns
Windows; Whut to shut when it's cold outside

[Old GI]

Two men walk into a bar.
The third man ducks.

That reminds me. I had an uncle who was a magician ------ he would walk down the street and turn into a bar.

[Sarge47]

Don't give up your day job.

What are you talking about? This IS my day job!

[Rick]

Four friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an ten-point buck.

"Where's Billy Bob?"

"Billy Bob had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

"You left Billy Bob laying out there and carried the deer back?"

"A tough call," nodded the hunter "but I figured no one, in their right mind, is going to steal Billy Bob."

[Rick]

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for deer hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six deer. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your deer, you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"

[Rick]

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[2dumb2kwit]

The day after his wife disappeared in a boating accident near Marsh Island, Louisiana, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Wildlife and Fisheries agents. "We knowit's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the agents."Tell me! Did you find her?"The agents looked at each other.
Finally, one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the husband said "Give me the bad news first."
The second agent said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The agent continued, "When we pulled her up, she had six twenty-five pound blue point crabs and four dozen good-size crawfish clinging to her."
Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The agent answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."