Page 6 of 106 FirstFirst ... 456781656 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 120 of 2118

Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #101
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    LMAO - wish I could have seen it.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel


  2. #102
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Southern Indiana
    Posts
    7,609

    Default

    no video,only audio with it,sorry.
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  3. #103
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    No - I wish I had been there to see it.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  4. #104
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Southern Indiana
    Posts
    7,609

    Default

    I know,and you know that someone somewhere has this on their cell phone,now if only they'd put it up on youtube
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  5. #105
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    I can just picture somebody like Larry the Cable Guy doing this.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  6. #106
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    The People's Republic of Illinois
    Posts
    9,449
    Blog Entries
    38

    Talking Yo-Ho-Ho....

    A man named Bill ran into a guy he knew from High School only to find him quite changed. He was dressed in a pirate's outfit, had a peg-leg, his right hand had been replaced with a hook, had an eye-patch over one eye, & a parrot on his shoulder. "Jim," he said, "what's up with you? You look like a pirate!"

    "That's right matey!" Jim snarled in his best pirate's voice. I joined up with a pirate crew right after high school!"

    "Wow!" Bill replied, "How'd you lose the leg?"

    "Well we attacked this ship & during a sword fight with a guy I made a blunder & he cut off my leg! So I replaced it with this peg!" Jim answered.

    "Man, that's tough! How'd you lose the arm?" Bill asked.

    "Well in the next sword fight I had after I'd put the peg-leg on, I slipped with it because I wasn't used to it and the guy I was fighting cut off my right hand! So I replaced it with a hook!"

    "Wow!" Bill said, "And what happened to your eye?"

    "Oh, that. Well I was in the Crow's nest & I looked up at a seagull & he crapped in it!"

    Bill got a puzzled look on his face. "Seagull poop makes you go blind?" he asked.

    Jim looked a bit embarrassed. "It does when you forget you're right hand is a hook!"
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

  7. #107
    Senior Member erunkiswldrnssurvival's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Smoky Mountain National Park
    Posts
    1,651
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    let us learn how to use our hands when among seagulls.
    God lives in the Mountain, Serve the Master, The Mountain also serves the Master. Serve the Mountain,
    The Mountain Breaks you.
    http://www.youtube.com/trapperjacksurvival
    http://s567.photobucket.com/albums/ss113/erunkis

  8. #108
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    ......or not look up......and be real glad that cows don't fly.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  9. #109
    missing in action trax's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    yonder
    Posts
    6,809

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by crashdive123 View Post
    ......or not look up......and be real glad that cows don't fly.

    they don't? what about buffalo wings? huh? huh?
    some fella confronted me the other day and asked "What's your problem?" So I told him, "I don't have a problem I am a problem"

  10. #110
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    I concede your point.

    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  11. #111
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    The People's Republic of Illinois
    Posts
    9,449
    Blog Entries
    38

    Talking "roar!"

    There was a lion who was drinking at a watering hole in Africa when a chimpanzee spotted him, noticing that the Lion had his hind parts sticking up in the air. Quickly the Chimp ran up to the lion and kicked him really hard in the butt! The Lion let out a roar & chased the Chimp across the meadow. The Chimp ran as fast as he could while the lion chased him, gaining ground a little at a time. The Chimp quickly climbed up a tree, but the lion followed. The Chimp climbed higher to some of the weaker branches & gained some distance as he jumped from tree to tree; but the Lion was still on his trail. Suddenly the Chimp spotted a hunters camp set up in a clearing & quickly ran through a tent, grabbing a Pith Helmet as he went through. He quickly put the helmet on, jumped up & sat in an empty chair, grabbing a newspaper he pretended to read.
    The lion leaped into the middle of the compound, only to get a confused look on his face. "Has anybody seen a crazy Chimpanzee run through here?"

    The Chimp couldn't resist and said: "Is that the chimp that kicked that big dumb old lion in the butt?"

    The Lion got a weird look on his face & said: "Is that in the paper already?"
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

  12. #112
    City Survivalist Proud American's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    California
    Posts
    198
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.


    Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

    The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."
    _________________
    Proud American

    Here lies my great advice from my years of experience......

  13. #113
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    A couple took a vacation to a national park with excellent fishing. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.

    One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. The wife used the opportunity to take the boat out. She did not know (or care) that several areas of the lake were closed to fishing. She rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

    Before long a park ranger in his boat pulled up alongside her and greeted her with: "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

    "Reading my book," she replied as she thought to herself, "is this guy blind, or what?"

    "You're in a no-fishing area," he informed her.

    "But, ranger, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

    "But you have all this equipment, ma'am. I'll have to take you in and arrest you."

    "If you do I'll turn around and charge you with sexual assault," snapped the irate woman.

    "I didn't even touch you," shot back the ranger.

    "Yes, that's true . . . but you have all the equipment."
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  14. #114
    Senior Member erunkiswldrnssurvival's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Smoky Mountain National Park
    Posts
    1,651
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    There was three men that got stranded in the desert, each decided to carry something to help them to survive. The first guy brought with him the radiator from the car. the second guy brought the battery and the stereo,and the third guy carried one of the car doors.After hiking 20 miles they stoped to rest. the first guy asked the second guy"why did you carry the battery"? he answered, so we could hear the weather reports.Wht did you carry the radiator? the first guy said" to drink from when we get thirsty.the third guy poped up and said,"I brought the car door so if it got hot we could roll down the window"!
    God lives in the Mountain, Serve the Master, The Mountain also serves the Master. Serve the Mountain,
    The Mountain Breaks you.
    http://www.youtube.com/trapperjacksurvival
    http://s567.photobucket.com/albums/ss113/erunkis

  15. #115
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    57,112

    Default

    This one is for Coot...

    An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. ?He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

    As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

    The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

    A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

    The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

    The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

    The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's a$$?'

    The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'

    The lessons from this story are:

    1. Don't waste ammunition.
    2. Don't mess with old people.

  16. #116
    Starving Artist
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    285

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Proud American View Post
    A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.


    Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

    The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."
    _________________
    so there was this experiment for military pilots.
    Some doctors were testing the effects of brain damage on pilot's ability to fly a mission. They had developed a machine that would instantly remove a portion of the brain.
    During the testing, they had a USAF pilot in the air, flying along, fully coherent, and singing "off we go, into the wild Blue yonder!"
    The docs activated the machine, which instantly removed 1/3 of his brain. The plane bobbled, but the pilot was fine. The only noticeable difference was that he was now singing "Anchors A- weigh, my boy, Anchors A-Weigh..."
    The docs were truly amazed and again activated the machine, which removed another 1/3 of his brain. The plane bobbled, but the pilot was otherwise fine. Only change was that he was now singing "over hill, over dale...."
    So the docs, just thrilled with the results of their experiment, activated the machine again, removing the last 1/3 of the pilots brain. The plane immediately nose-dived, and the last thing they heard over the radio was "From the halls of Montezuma....
    Dennis K.
    Not all who wander are lost.
    www.AnthemBrass.com

  17. #117
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Not your house
    Posts
    304

    Default

    I know some Recons. that might be mad about that..............
    no wait i forgot they can't read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The maximum effective range of a excuse is.......
    -----------0-----------METERS----------------

  18. #118
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    43,704
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    Slow golfers are ahead of us
    Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

    His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.

    Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired"
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  19. #119
    Senior Member laughing beetle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Adams, ny
    Posts
    619

    Default

    Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!
    Turtle Clan / Coffee Addicts Anonymous

  20. #120
    Senior Member chiye tanka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Cent Flo
    Posts
    1,419

    Default

    That's just wrong Crash!
    The Earth does not belong to us, we belong to the Earth. What befalls the Earth, befalls the sons of the Earth.
    Chief Seattle

    Bear Clan

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •