Joke of the day.

[Rick]

Please let me add one. I don't want to push any button for English. There shouldn't be a choice. It should only be in English. Period. End of discussion.

[Pal334]

I have to agree with you. Although my household (and me by default) is multi lingual (English, Spanish, Thai and Laotian), everyone speaks english. Even in Puerto Rico which is a Spanish speaking Common Wealth, all official business is conducted in English.

[Sarge47]

I have to agree with you. Although my household (and me by default) is multi lingual (English, Spanish, Thai and Laotian), everyone speaks english. Even in Puerto Rico which is a Spanish speaking Common Wealth, all official business is conducted in English.

Aww, c'mon Pal...you live in New jersey, nobody there speaks English!

[Pal334]

Alright Sarge, I confess, I speak Joiseian or some such. If I go to the northern part of the state, I take a translator

[Sarge47]

Now that's funny, I don't care where Pal's from!

[Sarge47]

WOMEN'S BUTT SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their butts;
the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their butt is too fat.............
10% of women think their butt is too skinny.......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man
and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

[crimescene450]

this is a sign my brother in law has in his garage.

sorry its sideways, i canty get it to turn without making it take up the entire screen.

[Winnie]

Does your brother know Sourdough?

[2dumb2kwit]

Does your brother know Sourdough?

Now, that's funny! LOL

[BENESSE]

first Book Of Democrat

Obama Is A Shepherd,

I Shall Not Want.

He Leadeth Me Beside Still Factories.

He Restoreth My Faith In The Republican Party.

He Guideth Me In The Path Of Unemployment..

Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Bread Line,

I Shall Not Go Hungry.

Obama Has Anointed My Income With Taxes,

My Expenses Runneth Over My Income,

Surely, Poverty And Hard Living Will Follow Me

All The Days Of My Life.

And I Will Live Forever

In A Rented Home.

But I Am Glad I Am An American,

I Am Glad That I Am Free.

But I Wish I Was A Dog

And Obama Was A Tree.

[oly]

Gosh,
I'm rich!


Silver
in the Hair

Gold
in the Teeth

Stones
in the Kidneys

Sugar
in the Blood.

Lead
in the ***


Iron
in the Arteries

And
an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.


I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

[Ken]

Eavesdropping...‏

http://media.mtvnservices.com/player...ive.com&geo=US

[2dumb2kwit]

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for
over a year and so we
decided to get married.

There was only one
little thing bothering me...
It was her beautiful
younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Pal334]

The Pastor's A**

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race
and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again
and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
A** OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to
enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S A**.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.


The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun
in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news,
posted the following headline
the next day:


NUN HAS BEST A** IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN
SELLS A** FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey
and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES
HER A** IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . .
being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . .
even shorten your life.


So be yourself and enjoy life.


Stop worrying about everyone else's a**
and you'll be a lot happier
and live longer!

Have a nice day!

[2dumb2kwit]

These are just for humor, not political discussion.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

--Conan O'Brien



The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and
think 25 to life would be appropriate.

--Jay Leno


America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

--Jay Leno


Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

--Jay Leno


Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to
society. The other is for housing prisoners.

--David Letterman


Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean
and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!

--Jimmy Fallon


Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

--Jimmy Kimmel


Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

--David Letterman

[mountain mama]

2dumb, where's the joke?

[Sarge47]

FW: poor choice of words for a headline‏:

Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6622I420100703

[Ken]

FW: poor choice of words for a headline‏:

Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6622I420100703

No big deal. It was only the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League meeting. Wait until the Olympics. You'll see. Gay may blow a few, but he won't choke on the big one.

[2dumb2kwit]

I was testing the children

in my Sunday school class

to see if they understood the concept
of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale , and gave all my money , to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy,
would that get me into Heaven?

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile.

Hey, this was fun!

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals
and gave candy
to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?'

I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.
'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'


A five-year-old boy shouted out,
'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'

[Justin Case]

Ha ha ha,, Good one !