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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1101
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nell67 View Post
    Yea,well the women of Wilderness-Survival forum are developing their own FART team (WOWSF-FART) to take care of him is he does not stop posting it.....
    I'm just glad nobody is starting up the Senior Members Eloquently Living Like Yesteryear Fairly Agile Response Team.
    Can't Means Won't

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  2. #1102
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crashdive123 View Post
    I'm just glad nobody is starting up the Senior Members Eloquently Living Like Yesteryear Fairly Agile Response Team.
    How about if they were "elegant" instead of "eloquent?"
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

  3. #1103
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken View Post
    How about if they were "elegant" instead of "eloquent?"
    hehehehehehehe - hope she is doing well.
    Can't Means Won't

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  4. #1104
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    he he he he

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  5. #1105
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Justin Case View Post
    he he he he

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    Did you both have a good time on your date last night, Justin?
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

  6. #1106
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    It was Late and i could see that she was Hor,,,,,, um,, Nevermind

  7. #1107
    Senior Member BENESSE's Avatar
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    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

  8. #1108
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    what do dogs do to the cars they catch ?

  9. #1109
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  10. #1110
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    Lol,, Yikes !

  11. #1111
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    Quote Originally Posted by nell67 View Post
    The cop seems to be enjoying it as much as the dog.

  12. #1112
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    "Vegetarian" - "veg-eh-tare-ian" : Indian word means BAD HUNTER !!!
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  13. #1113
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    Politicians have no moral fiber - they're all acrylic.

  14. #1114
    Senior Member 2dumb2kwit's Avatar
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    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
    Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
    Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..
    Writer of wrongs.
    Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid. (Jake- Sweet Home Alabama)
    "Stop Global Whining"

  15. #1115
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    You just summed up my life in four lines. And I'm content. Go figure.

  16. #1116
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    Cool Well...

    Joe, an avid outdoors-man & hunter, was in his favorite bar, knocking back a cold brew, when in walks a very good hunting buddy he hasn't seen for awhile.

    "Bill!" he exclaims, "Where ya been ole' pal? I haven't seen you in a coon's age!"

    "Well," Bill says, " I was out deer hunting last year when a large Black Bear came out of the bush, seemingly from no where, knocked my gun out of my hands, and started attacking me. I grabbed my hunting knife and managed to fight it off. Ut ran away & I found myself in the hospital for awhile & I've been healing ever since."

    "Wow!" Joe says, "Have a scar?"

    "No thanks," Bill replies, "I don't smoke."
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

  17. #1117
    Senior Member 2dumb2kwit's Avatar
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    Chicken...

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was,and I said,''FRIED CHICKEN.''She said I wasn't funny,but she couldn't have been right,every-one else in the class laughed.My parents told me to always be honest,and I am.Fried chicken is my favorite animal.I told my dad what happened,and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.He said they love animals very much.I do,too.Especially chicken,pork and beef.Anyway,my teacher sent me to the principal's office.I told him what happened,and he laughed too.Then he told me not to do it again.The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.I told her it was chicken.She asked me why,just like she had asked the other children.So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.She sent me back to the principal's office again.He laughed,and told me not to do it again.I don't understand.My parents taught me to be honest,but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.Today,my teacher asked us to tell her what Famous person we admire most.I told her,''Colonel Sanders''.
    Guess where I am now....
    Writer of wrongs.
    Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid. (Jake- Sweet Home Alabama)
    "Stop Global Whining"

  18. #1118
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    Garage Door

    The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

    As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

    He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

    She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..


    An elderly gentleman... .
    Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
    The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

  19. #1119
    Hall Monitor Pal334's Avatar
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    I owe my mother




    1.. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    " Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ..
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16.. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23.. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    And my favorite:
    25.. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"
    .45 ACP Because shooting twice is silly... The avatar says it all,.45 because there isn't a.46

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6a...eature=related

  20. #1120
    Hall Monitor Pal334's Avatar
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    Default Not a joke, but interesting

    TWO WOLVES

    One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

    "One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

    "The other is God - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

    The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
    .45 ACP Because shooting twice is silly... The avatar says it all,.45 because there isn't a.46

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6a...eature=related

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