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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1081
    Hall Monitor Pal334's Avatar
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    The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
    stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
    light by accelerating through the intersection.

    The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
    frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
    dropping her cell phone and makeup.

    As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked
    up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered
    her to exit her car with her hands up..

    He took her to the police station where she was searched,
    fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

    After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened
    the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the
    arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

    He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up
    behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy
    in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What
    Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate
    holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the
    chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I
    assumed you had stolen the car.''
    .45 ACP Because shooting twice is silly... The avatar says it all,.45 because there isn't a.46

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6a...eature=related


  2. #1082
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Default I was drugged by my parents

    The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question,
    Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?
    I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:... See More
    I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
    I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
    I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
    I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults, when I disobeyed my parents,
    told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
    I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
    I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and the cockleburs out of dad's fields.
    I was drug to the homes of family and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood.

    Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place.
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  3. #1083
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nell67 View Post
    The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question,
    Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?
    I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:... See More
    I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
    I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
    I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
    I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults, when I disobeyed my parents,
    told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
    I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
    I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and the cockleburs out of dad's fields.
    I was drug to the homes of family and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood.

    Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place.
    There's a whole lot of truth in those words.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  4. #1084
    Hall Monitor Pal334's Avatar
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    Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true.

    Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60
    and heading towards 70!

    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

    3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

    4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

    6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

    7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

    8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

    9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

    10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

    11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

    12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

    13. You sing along with elevator music.

    14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

    15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

    16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

    17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

    18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

    19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

    And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

    And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    .45 ACP Because shooting twice is silly... The avatar says it all,.45 because there isn't a.46

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6a...eature=related

  5. #1085
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land". Nearly 40 years ago, Lyndon B. Johnson said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land". Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the promised land!
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  6. #1086
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Dear Friends,
    My neighbor was recently in the hospital for a small surgical procedure, a butt lift. She didn't have the most pleasant of experiences. I wanted to show you how it turned out. I think something went wrong. I don't recommend having this done.

    Attached Images Attached Images
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  7. #1087
    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    That's almost as bad as THAT Rick picture, Nell!!
    Last edited by Winnie; 05-31-2010 at 04:16 AM. Reason: Typo
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

  8. #1088
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winnie View Post
    That's almost as bad as THAT Rick picture, Nell!!
    It's thong boys cousin.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  9. #1089
    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    Ahhh, it all makes sense now.
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

  10. #1090
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winnie View Post
    That's almost as bad as THAT Rick picture, Nell!!
    Sorry Winnie!
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  11. #1091
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    I just threw up a little.
    Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.

  12. #1092
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    I just threw up a little.
    Now you know how us ladies feel when that other picture gets posted.
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  13. #1093
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Hey! Talk to Justin. He's the one that keeps posting it.
    Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.

  14. #1094
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    Hey! Talk to Justin. He's the one that keeps posting it.
    Yea,well the women of Wilderness-Survival forum are developing their own FART team (WOWSF-FART) to take care of him is he does not stop posting it.....
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  15. #1095
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nell67 View Post
    Yea,well the women of Wilderness-Survival forum are developing their own FART team (WOWSF-FART) to take care of him is he does not stop posting it.....
    You can PM Crashdive for Justin's address. Just sayin'.
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

  16. #1096
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken View Post
    You can PM Crashdive for Justin's address. Just sayin'.
    LOL Thanks Ken!
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  17. #1097
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    Hey! Talk to Justin. He's the one that keeps posting it.
    Sure , Throw Poor Justin under the bus

  18. #1098
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    It looked more like a dive to me.
    Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.

  19. #1099
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    Now This is a Hell of a way to wake up,, Y'all are lucky I haven't had any coffee
    yet !

  20. #1100
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Justin Case View Post
    Sure , Throw Poor Justin under the bus
    Sarge wants to be the busdriver.
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

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