Joke of the day.

**Rick** · 03-26-2010, 10:23 PM

A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Ken, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," Ken replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

**Sarge47** · 04-04-2010, 01:17 AM

People in Clackamas County, Oregon have a warped sense of humor.

At a view point just outside Molalla, Oregon, a deer was struck by a vehicle. At the same area, a couch had been dumped there earlier. And thus this story unfolds…

Day two the deer was on the couch.

Day three the end table and lamp showed up.

Day four the TV and TV stand showed up.

On day five a Trooper had to call ODOT because of all the people stopping to take pictures.

The Cardboard caption in front of the couch reads:
"Sorry Hunters. Obama ruined health care. We can't afford to have injured hunters on our conscience, so I'm staying home! Sorry, the Deer."

Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

**Rick** · 04-04-2010, 08:23 AM

Three guys were out fishing when an angel suddenly appeared in the boat with them. The first guy was a bit apprehensive but finally said, "If you're really an angel then you could probably do something about my bad back."

The angel touched his back and he felt immediate relief.

The second guy pointed to his coke bottle glasses and said he had been nearly blind his whole life. The angel took his glasses and tossed them in the lake. As soon as they hit the water everything came into perfect view. His sight was fully restored.

The angel turned to the third guy, "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!!"

**Justin Case** · 04-04-2010, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by Rick

Three guys were out fishing when an angel suddenly appeared in the boat with them. The first guy was a bit apprehensive but finally said, "If you're really an angel then you could probably do something about my bad back."

The angel touched his back and he felt immediate relief.

The second guy pointed to his coke bottle glasses and said he had been nearly blind his whole life. The angel took his glasses and tossed them in the lake. As soon as they hit the water everything came into perfect view. His sight was fully restored.

The angel turned to the third guy, "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!!"

LOL LOL Good one !

**2dumb2kwit** · 04-07-2010, 01:47 PM

The General is a quick thinker..

President Obama was having that one, lone brief conversation this year with General McChrystal about Afghanistan .

Things were obviously not going the way the General had hoped. Obama could sense this, and told him, "I bet when I die, you'll pee on my grave."

To which General McChrystal answers, "No sir, I've always said that when I get out of the Army, I'll never again wait in another line."

**Ken** · 04-07-2010, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by Rick

A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Ken, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," Ken replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Ken wishes it was $800 a week.

**BENESSE** · 04-07-2010, 04:42 PM

Originally Posted by Ken

Ken wishes it was $800 a week.

Would you rather save the money and be with her?

**BENESSE** · 04-07-2010, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by 2dumb2kwit

Pfft! He married that prize...then had to spend all that money to get rid of her.......and he calls me dumb.

He should think of it as a "get out of jail" fee.

**2dumb2kwit** · 04-07-2010, 05:38 PM

Well....since my little yankee buddy ain't here to take up for himself, let's just say that the suffering and expense, was the price he paid, for the kids, that she gave him.

(Hey...... we gotta make him think it was worth it, right?)

**BENESSE** · 04-08-2010, 07:35 PM

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

**Justin Case** · 04-08-2010, 08:02 PM

" FATHER OF THE YEAR "

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle
from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours ? "

He replied, " No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. "

I WISH I COULD THINK THAT QUICKLY!

**Ken** · 04-08-2010, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by crashdive123

Here's one for you know who....

Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?

It comes with all of Ken's stuff

I just read this for the first time. Between you and Sarge, there's gonna' be a lot of changes made to my will.

**Rick** · 04-08-2010, 08:46 PM

Despicable, Ken. That joke is truly despicable....buddy.

**BLEUXDOG** · 04-08-2010, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by Rick

Despicable, Ken. That joke is truly despicable....buddy.

Rick need some Chapstick??

**Rick** · 04-08-2010, 08:57 PM

No. No thanks. His will, will work just fine. But thanks for asking.

**Ken** · 04-08-2010, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by Rick

Despicable, Ken. That joke is truly despicable....buddy.

*note to self: Make sure estate planning lawyer spells Rick's last name correctly.*

**BENESSE** · 04-08-2010, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by Ken

*note to self: Make sure estate planning lawyer spells Rick's last name correctly.*

Could be just me, but I didn't get the Ken & Rick sitting in a tree memo.

**Justin Case** · 04-09-2010, 11:17 AM

Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

**Sarge47** · 04-09-2010, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by Ken

I just read this for the first time. Between you and Sarge, there's gonna' be a lot of changes made to my will.

It's not YOUR will I want to be in, it's your ex-wife's will since she got all of your stuff.So big deal, Rick & I miss out on a couple of Beagles and a yard full of squirrels!