“Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
W. Edwards Deming
"Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
General John Stark
In an effort to fufill the requests of forum members (it should be noted that this practice is not an "on demand" service) here goes.
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was there, having a bad day because heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven: They each had to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thought for a second, and then replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?" St. Peter let him through the gate.
Next, St. Peter turned to the garbage man, and figuring that heaven didn’t really need all the stink that this guy would bring in, decided to make the question a little harder. "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guessed 1228, to which St. Peter said, "That happens to be right. Go ahead."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "What were their names?"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Last edited by Ken; 03-15-2009 at 06:23 PM. Reason: Just following the Super Moderator Code
“Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
W. Edwards Deming
"Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
General John Stark
SARGE
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!
They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin
Look, Sarge, I plagerized this joke, OKAY? I substituted the word "maid" for another word in the original joke. I also changed the location where events took place. No need to involve other family members here.......... Besides, I like it here. (Mumbles to himself: The only one who hasn't picked on me yet today is Crash." Makes mental note to check back on thread to see if he gets any sympathy.)
Actually, some suites I've been in DO have dishwashers in the kitchen.
Last edited by Ken; 03-15-2009 at 05:35 PM.
“Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
W. Edwards Deming
"Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
General John Stark
Nice. Real nice. I'm the ONLY one that DIDN'T post a lawyer joke and you go after me. Okay.
Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.
Did you forget about today's post #40 here? http://www.wilderness-survival.net/f...?t=3153&page=2 My feelings were so terribly hurt..........
“Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
W. Edwards Deming
"Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
General John Stark
YOU DOG!!! You changed the source of my quote from "Rick" to "Ken!" Super Moderators can do THAT too, huh? (Ahh, but I changed it back again - this game could go on forever...) Talk about an abuse of power!!! Look, I'm the ONLY one here who's supposed to mess with quoted posts, got it?
Man! Those three stick together!
Last edited by Ken; 03-15-2009 at 06:12 PM.
“Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
W. Edwards Deming
"Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
General John Stark
It's all part of the Super Moderator Code.
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That's true, but can you do this? (he says as he closes thread).....just kidding - thread's open.Ahh, but I changed it back again - this game could go on forever...
Last edited by crashdive123; 03-15-2009 at 06:17 PM.
Wait until we make him disappear for 10 days. Chuckle. Even his girlfriend won't know where he is.
Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.
For the rest of what?
Tracks Across the High Plains...Death on the Bombay Line...A Touch of Death and Mayhem...Dead Rock...The Griswald Mine Boys...All On Amazon Books.
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