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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #2101
    Senior Member WalkingTree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hunter63 View Post
    Fall driving safety.
    It's that time of years again.....be sure to call you state officials and get those deer crossing signs moved to a safer place.

    Oh...my...god. She has got to be kidding.
    The pessimist complains about the wind;
    The optimist expects it to change;
    The realist adjusts the sails.

    - William Arthur Ward


  2. #2102
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    A robber held up a stagecoach in the Old West.
    He snarled: "If you don't hand over all your money, I'll shoot the men and molest the women."
    A gentleman passenger stepped forward and said bravely, "You shall not touch the ladies."
    Hearing this, an elderly woman passenger yelled out, "You leave him alone - HE'S robbing this stagecoach!"

  3. #2103
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Durtyoleman View Post
    A robber held up a stagecoach in the Old West.
    He snarled: "If you don't hand over all your money, I'll shoot the men and molest the women."
    A gentleman passenger stepped forward and said bravely, "You shall not touch the ladies."
    Hearing this, an elderly woman passenger yelled out, "You leave him alone - HE'S robbing this stagecoach!"
    LOL....There was a "Granny" cartoon in Playboy Magazine...a long time ago.....
    Granny standing there half dressed....with her hands on her hips...
    Robber says.."Honest lady we don't want to violate the women...we just want to rob the durn stage.....
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  4. #2104
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    I can see him giving the cash back just to get away.

  5. #2105
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    Q. What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?


    A. I'll never do that for five bucks again.

  6. #2106
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    ♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
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    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
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  7. #2107

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    Quote Originally Posted by hunter63 View Post
    ♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
    Not when you include Utah.

    Here's one:

    A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

    Probably old, but i just heard it yesterday.
    "The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play." Capt. James T. Kirk

  8. #2108
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    ♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

    I gave him a glass of water.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  9. #2109
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    Once while fishin' the flats in the Gulf, I got caught by the game and fisheries warden with a snook when I had forgotten to get a snook stamp. So I explained that it was a pet snook that I took out for a swim each night and when it was time to go home I just whistled and he would jump back in the boat.

    The man looked incredulous and called me a liar. "Just watch," I said and tossed the snook into the water.

    We sat there for a minute and he said, "Why ain't you whistlin' for your fish?"

    "What fish?" I asked....

  10. #2110
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?


    Two, we had to take turns, and that bulb must have been ---THIISSS BIIIG----!

  11. #2111
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    It's about that time of year. So.....

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  12. #2112
    Senior Member WalkingTree's Avatar
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    hahahahaha!!!!!
    The pessimist complains about the wind;
    The optimist expects it to change;
    The realist adjusts the sails.

    - William Arthur Ward

  13. #2113
    Senior Member BENESSE's Avatar
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  14. #2114
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Buhahahahaha. Now that right there is funny. It's all about priorities.

  15. #2115
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    I don't understand why women like cats...

    Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. They want attention and touching on their own terms... In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

  16. #2116
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    Mary's 86 year old grandmother, after yet another five thousand dollar gift from her granddaughter, asked where she gets all her money. Mary sheepishly admits she does p0rn0graphy to which her grandmother exploded, "Oh thank God, I thought you were going to say you had disgraced the family and gone into law!"

  17. #2117
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  18. #2118

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    Hahaha! Oh man, I spit out some beer.

  19. #2119
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    God, next time he should try a mood braclet

  20. #2120
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    A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat. It didn't take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.

    The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, "drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that Trump supporter."

    After the drinks were handed out the Trump guy gives the CNN guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, "thank you!"

    This infuriates the CNN reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the Trump hat. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, "thank you!"

    So the CNN guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the trump guy. And again the Trump guy just smiles and yells back, "thank you!"

    At that point the aggravated CNN reporter asks the bartender, "what the hell is the matter with that trump supporter? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly *** does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"

    "Nope," replies the bartender. "he owns the place."
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