Joke of the day.

[Jay]

....or so I've heard. This just might be proof!necess.jpg

[Rick]

Here's what I think...

We've become a country of free stuff paid for by folks not receiving any of the free stuff who are complaining about those getting the free stuff and not paying for anything.

The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff, can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff, and, the folks who are paying for the free stuff, want the free stuff to stop, and the the folks who are getting the free stuff, want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... The people who are forcing the people who Pay for the free stuff, have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, are being selfish because they want free stuff themselves but no one knows who will pay for that.

So... the people who are GETTING the free stuff, have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff, by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff. It's gotten so bad that if the free stuff giving keeps getting given then there's apt to be a free for all paid for by everyone.

That's what I think.

[BENESSE]

That's pretty much it. Even a caveman can understand it.

[crashdive123]

Yep. Pretty well sums it up.

[Sarge47]

Wow! "Free" Advice! Cool!

[Jay]

Here's what I think...

We've become a country of free stuff paid for by folks not receiving any of the free stuff who are complaining about those getting the free stuff and not paying for anything.

The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff, can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff, and, the folks who are paying for the free stuff, want the free stuff to stop, and the the folks who are getting the free stuff, want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... The people who are forcing the people who Pay for the free stuff, have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, are being selfish because they want free stuff themselves but no one knows who will pay for that.

So... the people who are GETTING the free stuff, have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff, by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff. It's gotten so bad that if the free stuff giving keeps getting given then there's apt to be a free for all paid for by everyone.

That's what I think.

....And now I've got a headache!

[Rick]

Shoot, you should try it with my brain.

[Jay]

Shoot, you should try it with my brain.

Thanks a bunch...but I think I'll pass!

[Rick]

A Kentucky marine writes home from boot camp.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

[hunter63]

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shut now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Bull Shut and brilliance only come with age and experience.

[Sparky93]

That was a good one Hunter.

In the 70's we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs, now we have no cash, no jobs, and no hope.... I sure hope we don't lose Kevin Bacon....

[hunter63]

Oh, noooooooo....No bacon????

[Rick]

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

________________________________

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

_____________________________

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
________________________________

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
________________________________

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

______________________________

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

________________________________

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

[woodsman86]

I received this in an email from my wife today. Mykah is my almost 4yo rambunctious son and Pierce is the family cat:

"Last week I went into the laundry room to take the clothes out and fold them. I noticed that the clothes were all on the floor and Mykah doesn't go in there because for some reason he is scared, lol. Well today we were cuddling on the couch and he said mommy you need to make sure to keep all the clothes out of the washer and dryer because they get in the way when I'm trying to wash pierce, lol. I just about died, that poor cat."

[canid]

awe. that poor cat indeed.

[Rick]

Truly heartbreaking story!

This is awful


... Indianapolis - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Marion County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Indianapolis Colts Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Winnie]

Dogs and Cats are better than Children because they eat less, don't ask for money....
.... and if they get pregnant you can sell their offspring!

[crashdive123]

The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!
I guess it was because of my response to the question:
"List all dependents?"


I replied -
"12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico ; and
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

[Rick]

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

[rebel]

What? No delete option? Here's your option. ( ten words ).