Page 87 of 107 FirstFirst ... 3777858687888997 ... LastLast
Results 1,721 to 1,740 of 2122

Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1721
    Senior Member BENESSE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Gotham
    Posts
    9,653

    Default

    What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?
    The Location Of The Dirt Bag.


  2. #1722
    Cold Heartless Breed tsitenha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Kanata
    Posts
    979

    Default

    Hey I resemble that remark.....finally someone appreciates me

    Thank you, Thank you kindly
    Bear Clan

    I was born with nothing,
    with hard work and deligence I still have most of it
    this week a lot less...must be a hole in my pocket

  3. #1723
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio (Dunlap's Station)
    Posts
    4,012
    Blog Entries
    42

    Default

    A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop!" Hahaha
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

  4. #1724
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    44,155

    Default

    Two hours into my first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids. Hearing her swear at them, I said, 'Good morning, welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?' The mom answered, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind or stupid?' I replied, 'I'm not blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work!
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  5. #1725
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Southern Indiana
    Posts
    7,691

    Default

    The customer reviews are hilarious! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...eatsoluti0a-20
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  6. #1726
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    44,155

    Default

    I'm sure Amazon is thrilled.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  7. #1727
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    57,956

    Default

    "I'm a covertarian. I just eat egg shells, animal hides, nut shells, corn husks, wheat chaf, brown rice hulls, and other coverings. The fresh whole bunny would be a waste since, at least according to one review, it doesn't come with the hide."

    The next time some proudly proclaims they are vegan (like I give a whoop) this is going to be my retort. This is simply brilliant.



  8. #1728
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    57,956

    Default

    No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, and attended by some of the best linguistics in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese was the clever winner.

    His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished." Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand. His response was:

    When you marry the right woman, you are "complete." If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished." And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished."

  9. #1729
    Senior Member nell67's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Southern Indiana
    Posts
    7,691

    Default




    “I’ll come to your place when SHTF” – no you won’t

    by GLEN TATE on OCTOBER 22, 2013

    (This post is something you can send to your friends or print out and hand to them when SHTF.)
    Dear Friend:
    I love my friends, but I will shoot you if I have to. I’m serious. Here’s why.
    I tried to persuade you to prepare for what’s coming and, in the process, revealed that to you that I’m preparing. You realized that I have food, guns, etc., and ended up saying, half kidding but half serious, “I’ll come to your place when SHTF.”
    No you won’t. I will shoot you. If you threaten me and my family, I will use force to defend against any threat. And showing up at my place hungry and unprepared is a threat to me. You will eat my food and use up my medical supplies, generator, firewood, etc. That’s less of these life-saving things for me and my family. That’s a threat.
    Is this greed on my part? No. I will take care of the truly needy – those who cannot take care of themselves. But you are different. Very different. You had plenty of chances to prepare for yourself.
    But what did you do? You spent the weekends watching football, went on expensive vacations, and never made your spouse mad at you with your “crazy” ideas that something bad was happening. You didn’t do **** because… you would just come to my place. Problem solved, right? You didn’t need to spend time, money, and create domestic strife because I did that all for you.
    Not. Why should I spend my time, money, and stress just so you can waltz into my place and live happily ever after? I’m a nice guy, but – really? – I’m going to spend my (very limited) free time, disposable income, and domestic tranquility just so you can have a leisurely life and more material comforts pre-Collapse while I don’t?
    Why do you think I will sacrifice enormous amounts of my time and money so you can enjoy yourself while I’m slaving away? Would you assume you could come over and leave your broken car at my house? That I would just spend thousands of dollars on parts and several weekends fixing it and then hand it over to you with a smile – just because I’m a “good guy”? Would anyone expect that?
    You do, apparently. You actually expect to waltz over to my cabin and receive – with a smile – thousands of dollars of food and other supplies that took me all my weekends to acquire and store.
    So, my grasshopper friend (as in the story of the grasshopper and the ant), here is your official warning: if your “plan” for your and your family’s safety is to come to my place, you’re wrong. When you show up, I’ll ask you to leave. When you don’t, I’ll point a gun in your face. If you refuse to leave, I will shoot you. You are a threat to me.
    You had years of time and very clear warnings to get ready. But you didn’t. Hey, I love football but haven’t been able to watch a game in a few years; I’ve been fixing up the cabin, buying supplies, and training with the Team. I spent a lot of money doing all these things so I haven’t gone on a long vacation in… forever. I have had several difficult times with my wife because of all the prepping I’m doing; I could have easily done what you did, which is just say “Yes, dear” and not prepare because she didn’t want you to.
    I hope this message jolted you. There’s still some time. Go prep. Please understand that your plan cannot be “I’ll come to your place.” I don’t want to shoot you.
    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    Soular powered by the son.

    Nell, MLT (ASCP)

  10. #1730
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    SE/SW Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,866

    Default

    ....and that, my friends is No Joke.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  11. #1731
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    SE/SW Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,866

    Default

    Guy finds an old lamp.......and of course he rubs it and a Genie appears.
    Genie says, " I will grant you three wishes.....but remember your ex-wife will get double of what ever you wish for.

    So the guy agrees and says," I want a mansion...poof he gets a mansion, DXW gets two...
    Second wish, "I want a million dollars".....poof he gets a million dollars....DXW gets two...

    After thinking long and hard for his third wish.......he says, "I want you to scare me half to death"


    Thank you Kathy Lee Gifford.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  12. #1732
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    SE/SW Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,866

    Default Most Interesting Man in the World

    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  13. #1733
    Resident Wildman Wildthang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    3,825

    Default

    Anybody want to hear a dirty Joke?



































    Rick fell into a mud hole

  14. #1734
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,724
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

  15. #1735
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    57,956

    Default

    I don't get it. It wasn't funny then and it's not funny now. I didn't even have shoes to walk through that snow!!

  16. #1736
    Quality Control Director Ken's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,724
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    I don't get it. It wasn't funny then and it's not funny now. I didn't even have shoes to walk through that snow!!
    I guess I was lucky. I had boots. See?

    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    “Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival.”
    W. Edwards Deming

    "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils."
    General John Stark

  17. #1737
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    SE/SW Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,866

    Default

    Yeah, well ....I had to go home for lunch......
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  18. #1738
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    North Florida
    Posts
    44,155

    Default

    You got lunch?

    I had to make the walk to do my chores.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  19. #1739
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    SE/SW Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,866

    Default

    You had chores?......we were too poor, had to borrow chores, then bring them back when we were done.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  20. #1740
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    The People's Republic of Illinois
    Posts
    9,449
    Blog Entries
    36

    Cool Well, since you mentioned it...

    When I was a kid we had to walk all the way across the living room just to change the channel on the TV!....
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •