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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1901
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
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    Cool Sarge's PT program!

    Many people have ask how I stay so fit. This is what I did......

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

    Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

    After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
    ( I'm at this level .)

    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag...
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin


  2. #1902
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    This is an actual email I received earlier today. Everyone receives them but this one is just so bad it's funny so I thought I'd stick it in the Joke of the Day thread. And somewhere, someone proof read it and said, Yep, that ought to work. Then hit send. Formatting and all just as I received it.

    JAMES B. COMEY JR EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
    FBI.WASHINGTON DC. ANTI TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION. FBI SEEKING
    TO WIRETAP INTERNET Good Day, We believe this notification meets you in a
    very good present state of mind and health. We the Federal bureau of investigation
    (FBI) Washington, DC in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation
    Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed
    through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have
    a transaction going on with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regards
    to your over-due contract/inheritance payment which was fully endorsed in
    your favor accordingly. We will found a way to fix a schedule for you to come
    to our head-quarter in Washington DC to enable us advise you on what to do,
    but meanwhile you are further advised to be contacting us via email for now
    because we are having various investigations that we are working on now.
    Keep everything regarding to your transaction confidential for security reasons
    and note that we have not informed the local FBI department in your state
    regarding this matter because we want to keep everything secret until your
    fund is received by you to satisfy the requirements of the law.

    The email server I use classifies an email as spam if it scores 5 questionable points (Reply To looks random, Missing To: Header, etc). This one scored 50.9. That's like a home run in center field at Tiger Stadium.

  3. #1903
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Can't say if they are brilliant or just that freaking stupid.....
    Bhoahahaha

    But people bite...OMG.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  4. #1904
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
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    Cool What...?

    Sooooo let me see if I got this straight, the government is really interested in helping you get a ton of money you didn't know anything about...is that right? They're with the FBI but are not telling the FBI in Indiana, even though they are part of the same government organization because that'd be against the law? So when do you leave for Washington?...
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

  5. #1905
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    I will be meeting with the Jr. Executive Director (Or is the Comey Jr?) as soon as they fix a schedule. (I didn't know one was broken).

  6. #1906
    Super Moderater RangerXanatos's Avatar
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    I got the Nigerian money scam a couple of months ago and had fun with them. I saved all the emails just for fun.
    What's so crazy about standing toe-to-toe saying I am?
    ~Rocky Balboa

  7. #1907
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    There are a lot of folks playing with them. One guy even has them post pictures of themselves holding signs to prove they are who they say they are. The signs are a mix of letters that say something obscene but since they are English Second Language they don't understand what it says. Some of it is pretty funny. Of course he posts them all. He posts their phone numbers as well.

  8. #1908
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Haven't had that one in a while.....
    Back a couple of years ago there was ...the "Your cousin Tony, He is in Shi Lanka, in jail, and needs $1300 bucks to get out."....scam.

    Told them that "He" is a "She".....and I never liked her all that much anyway.....Tough beans.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
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  9. #1909
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Remind me not to call you for bail money.

  10. #1910
    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
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    Cool Arf!

    Craig's List: Free to good home.
    My girlfriend doesn't like my dog "Princess", so I appeal to you.
    She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. She's a little high maintenance with her grooming, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as hell!
    So........anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend?
    Come and get her!
    Me and my dog want her re-homed!!...
    SARGE
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein

    Proud father of a US Marine....SEMPER FI!

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
    Benjamin Franklin

  11. #1911
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Default 100 year old Japanese Breaks Swimming Record

    http://olympictalk.nbcsports.com/201...mieko-nagaoka/

    Two sharks swimming around under water.....
    Shark 1 "Hey you think that's still good to eat?"
    Shark 2 "Naw, better smell it first .....doesn't look too good to me......Lets eat tomorrow".
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  12. #1912
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    If I make it to 100 I'll be tickled pick if I can WALK 1500 meters. I wouldn't even think about swimming. Of course there's that whole diaper thing too, so.

  13. #1913
    Not a Mod finallyME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    If I make it to 100 I'll be tickled pick if I can WALK 1500 meters. I wouldn't even think about swimming. Of course there's that whole diaper thing too, so.
    Don't worry, they make swim diapers. I guess the question is, do they make swim diapers in your size?
    I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/FinallyMe78?feature=mhee

  14. #1914
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Umm, I'm not gonna ask you how you know that.

  15. #1915
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Or why he might be curious. It's a brave new world.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  16. #1916
    Alaska, The Madness! 1stimestar's Avatar
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    Dear Ma and Pa:

    I am well. Hope you are.

    Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

    Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

    Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

    We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

    The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

    This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home.

    All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

    Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.

    It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

    Your loving daughter,

    Gail
    Why do I live in Alaska? Because I can.

    Alaska, the Madness! Bloggity Stories of the North Country

    "Building Codes, Alaskans don't need no stinking Building Codes." Sourdough

    Yes, I have wifi in my outhouse!

  17. #1917
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Your laugh for today!

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral.
    A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
    funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.
    A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
    as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the
    heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the
    doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
    At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all
    eyes stared at him, he said, I'm so sorry, I was just thinking of my own
    funeral, I'm a Proctoligist.
    The priest fainted!
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  18. #1918
    Senior Member BENESSE's Avatar
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    Default Can't make it up...

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  19. #1919
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    (Sigh) That would be funny if it weren't true.

    Guy walks into an auto parts store with jumper cables. The guy behind the counter yells at him, "Hey! You can come in here but don't start anything!"

  20. #1920
    Senior Member BENESSE's Avatar
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    Har, har! My favorite type of jokes!

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