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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #2061
    Senior Member alaskabushman's Avatar
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    Having been a maintenance man for several years myself...the struggle is real.
    There ain't too many problems you can't fix with $500 or a 30-06.

    Him-"Whats the best knife for survival?"
    Me-"the one that's in your pocket."
    Him-"I don't have one in my pocket."
    Me-"Exactly."


  2. #2062
    Senior Member WalkingTree's Avatar
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    The pessimist complains about the wind;
    The optimist expects it to change;
    The realist adjusts the sails.

    - William Arthur Ward

  3. #2063
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Don't know if this a joke or real advice......But have to agree...

    > TOAST WITH A GLASS OF WINE
    >
    > TO MY FRIENDS WHO ENJOY A GLASS OF WINE AND THOSE WHO DON'T AND
    > ARE ALWAYS SEEN WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER IN THEIR HAND:
    >
    > AS BEN FRANKLIN SAID: IN WINE THERE IS WISDOM, IN BEER THERE IS
    > FREEDOM, IN WATER THERE IS BACTERIA.
    >
    > IN A NUMBER OF CAREFULLY CONTROLLED TRIALS, SCIENTISTS HAVE
    > DEMONSTRATED THAT IF WE DRINK 1 LITER OF WATER EACH DAY, AT THE END OF
    > THE YEAR WE WOULD HAVE ABSORBED MORE THAN 1 KILO OF ESCHERICHIA COLI,
    > (E. COLI) - BACTERIA FOUND IN FECES. IN OTHER WORDS, WE ARE CONSUMING
    > 1 KILO OF POOP ANNUALLY.
    >
    > HOWEVER, WE DO NOT RUN THAT RISK WHEN DRINKING WINE & BEER (OR RUM,
    > WHISKEY OR OTHER LIQUOR) BECAUSE ALCOHOL HAS TO GO THROUGH A
    > PURIFICATION PROCESS OF BOILING, FILTERING AND FERMENTING.
    >
    > REMEMBER: WATER = POOP, WINE = HEALTH. THEREFORE, IT'S BETTER TO
    > DRINK WINE AND TALK STUPID THAN TO DRINK WATER AND BE FULL OF SHIP.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
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  4. #2064
    Senior Member alaskabushman's Avatar
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    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

    I couldn't help myself.
    There ain't too many problems you can't fix with $500 or a 30-06.

    Him-"Whats the best knife for survival?"
    Me-"the one that's in your pocket."
    Him-"I don't have one in my pocket."
    Me-"Exactly."

  5. #2065
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    I called an old college buddy and asked what he was doing.

    He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,
    aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

    I was impressed...
    Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  6. #2066
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    Can't Means Won't

    My Youtube Channel

  7. #2067
    Resident Wildman Wildthang's Avatar
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    What do you get when you mix Rogain and Viagra?

    Paige down!




    Wait for it!





    You know you want to know!





    It's kinda funny!






    Here we go!







    Answer: Don King hair!
    Sir Knife Collectin, Rocket Ridin, Girl Crazy Post
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  8. #2068
    Senior Member hunter63's Avatar
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    Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
    Evoking the 50 year old rule...
    First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much
    Member Wahoo Killer knives club....#27

  9. #2069
    Senior Member WalkingTree's Avatar
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    This is my hair. I do what I want with this hair. I wash this hair, I brush this hair. I mess this hair up if I want to mess this hair up.
    The pessimist complains about the wind;
    The optimist expects it to change;
    The realist adjusts the sails.

    - William Arthur Ward

  10. #2070
    Grubbin fer food Durtyoleman's Avatar
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    A giant rabbit died on a United flight.
    One man is suspected of foul play.
    We tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy qwiet.

  11. #2071
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the heck was that all about?’

  12. #2072
    Senior Member Wise Old Owl's Avatar
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    Was he delivering Snail Mail?
    "Never work against mother nature"--Caesar Milan.

  13. #2073
    Senior Member Wise Old Owl's Avatar
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    "Never work against mother nature"--Caesar Milan.

  14. #2074
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.

    Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Georgia, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us”. Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Georgia ."

    They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and....."

    "The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from Georgia, ain't ya?"

    "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come ya'll knowed that?"

    "Because this is a Dry-Cleaners."
    Can't Means Won't

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