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Thread: 5 types of customers since the “rona”

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Default 5 types of customers since the “rona”

    My sister sent me this. She knows I'm a survivor.

    Alan



    From an anonymous UPS delivery driver...

    5 types of customers since the “rona”:

    1) Steve:

    He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.

    Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.

    2) Brad:

    He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.

    Brad will not survive.
    Steve will probably eat him.

    3) Nancy:

    She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.

    She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.

    4) Karen:

    She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.

    Karen will not survive longer than Brad.

    5) Mary:

    Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.

    Mary will survive and marry Steve.
    Together they will repopulate the earth.
    May God have mercy on us all.


  2. #2
    Senior Member WolfVanZandt's Avatar
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    Nope, I'm going after Mary right now. How old did you say she was? Where is she?
    True enough, my final home is still out there, but this is most certainly my home range and I love it. I love every rock I fall off and tree I trip over. Even when I am close to dying from exhaustion, a beautiful sunset doesn't lose it's power to refresh and inspire me and that, in itself, is enough to save me sometimes.

  3. #3
    Member DCorlando's Avatar
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    That was good for some laughs :-) Very much needed at this crazy time! Thanks

  4. #4

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    Everyone has a little "Steve" in him And you will find great payday loans online opportunities at our site
    be more like Steve and you will survive everything
    Last edited by samll; 12-07-2020 at 07:54 AM.

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