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Thread: Survival Jelly!

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    Default Survival Jelly!

    Here in South Texas we have a little plant called Agarita. Mahonia trifoliolata is a plant you do not want to wander into in the dark. It looks like Holly but has five times as many spines that are about five times as sharp. But, once a year they are covered (if the bees do their work and the rains follow) with tiny red berries. They have a wonderful sweet/tart flavor that makes a fantastic jelly. The roots can also be boiled to produce a liquid that is supposed to provide relief for toothache, if you're in a pinch.

    To gather them the generally accepted method is to lay down a tarp under the plant and beat it with a stick. Then gather up the tarp with the berries inside. This works great on a stand alone plant with no underbrush. Madre Nature here is STX is not always so obliging. I take a plastic washtub, hold it under a branch and scrape the branch with a small leaf rake. I then skim off the leaves (wearing thick leather gloves) and pour the berries into another tub. That allows all the bugs to crawl out before I come back with another bunch.

    I gathered about two gallons today and #1 wife and I spent two hours cleaning the bugs, dirt, leaves and assorted trash out of them. Tomorrow she'll work her magic in the kitchen and tuesday morning I expect I'll have homemade biscuits and Agarita Jelly. Life is good when you can survive!

    I also managed to gather enough dewberries to put on the Blue Bell this evening. Don't know how I survived this long without any of that either!


    Alan


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    All that lazy woman did today was boil the berries and strain the juice. She got six quarts of clear juice. I started to complain about no jelly tomorrow, but thought better of it.

    Alan

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan R McDaniel Jr View Post
    I started to complain about no jelly tomorrow, but thought better of it.

    Alan
    Wisdom comes with age and experience. I see that you do not wish to repeat the frying pan incidents of past.
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    Those things worth having are worth waiting for little grasshopper and yeah on that frying pan thingy.

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    I can still outrun her, but I gotta sleep sometime.

    See, back in the day when a man's wife started slowing down and the day to day chores and duties, that once were a joy to perform, become harder, a man would magnanimously take on a second, younger wife to help out around the house.

    I've tried and tried but I just can't come up with a way to put that concept forward delicately.

    I'll keep thinking about it.

    Alan

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    No good deed goes unpunished. Now you know where that saying came from.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan R McDaniel Jr View Post
    I can still outrun her, but I gotta sleep sometime.

    See, back in the day when a man's wife started slowing down and the day to day chores and duties, that once were a joy to perform, become harder, a man would magnanimously take on a second, younger wife to help out around the house.

    I've tried and tried but I just can't come up with a way to put that concept forward delicately.

    I'll keep thinking about it.

    Alan
    Don't think too hard. They have a way of reading your mind.

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    Senior Member kyratshooter's Avatar
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    Listen closely Alan, don't do it!

    Don't mention it, don't even think about it.

    You are about the same age as me and back 14 years ago I went an married a woman a good bit younger than myself.

    The heart attack happened about three months latter! And that was 14 years ago when I was "young" by comparison to now.

    You probably can not take a sudden offering of a batch of fresh jelly.

    You will get your jelly when the time is right, which is whenever she gets ready to make it.

    She has eased you into old age carefully and knows what she is doing.

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    Yes, after some consideration I have come to the conclusion that it would be a roundly bad idea. Whenever there are three, two always gang up on one. I have no doubts who the odd man out would be.

    The Jelly will be all the sweeter for the wait.

    Alan

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan R McDaniel Jr View Post
    Yes, after some consideration I have come to the conclusion that it would be a roundly bad idea. Whenever there are three, two always gang up on one. I have no doubts who the odd man out would be.

    The Jelly will be all the sweeter for the wait.

    Alan
    And your habit of saying "#1 Wife" would probably not help your cause, either.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyratshooter View Post
    ...14 years ago I went an married a woman a good bit younger than myself.

    The heart attack happened about three months latter! ...
    I'm having a really hard time ignoring this straight line.
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    Personally, I would not want to be the cause of any woman having a heart attack! I do try to control myself.

    Alan

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    I think it was he who had the heart attack.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    I think it was he who had the heart attack.
    Ohhhhhhhhh.... right..

    Alan

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    My late wife's reputation points, in every group she was associated with, skyrocketed after I had that heat attack!

    She was invited everywhere, by everyone, and I think she was asked to give speeches for a couple of women's groups on "how to knock off your man". Most were unwilling to put in the time or effort.

    I found out that it is best if one does not take an old car down off the blocks, fill it with gas, and put it directly on the race track.

    Once one reaches late middle age it is best if one moderates what he wishes for.
    Last edited by kyratshooter; 05-03-2018 at 11:35 AM.

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    Senior Member Antonyraison's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyratshooter View Post
    my late wife's reputation points, in every group she was associated with, skyrocketed after i had that heat attack!

    She was invited everywhere, by everyone, and i think she was asked to give speeches for a couple of women's groups on "how to knock off your man". Most were unwilling to put in the time or effort.

    I found out that it is best if one does not take an old car down off the blocks, fill it with gas, and put it directly on the race track.

    Once one reaches late middle age it is best if one moderates what he wishes for.
    hilarious post
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    While this conversation has given me a giggle on a craptastic Monday morning, I wonder if I can recommend a blueberry picker?


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    Quote Originally Posted by 1stimestar View Post
    While this conversation has given me a giggle on a craptastic Monday morning, I wonder if I can recommend a blueberry picker?


    Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.
    https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/sto...iABEgLtYPD_BwE

    I think that would work like a charm. With Agarita the berries cluster along a main stem, and that little contraption would strip them right off. Thanks for the idea. I'll have to make one or order one. There are precious few blueberries hereabouts.

    Thanks.

    Alan

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    IMG_0872.jpg

    Every bit as good as I thought it would be. Two gallons of berries makes ten of these jars. I had my biscuits on Sunday morning and all is well with the world.

    #1 wife kinda sighed when I told her I would keep her. I think it was a sigh of relief.


    Alan

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    You know that commotion you make over your dog when they chase that rabbit out of the yard? When they come back all excited like they are the greatest thing since slice bread and you make a fuss over them and tell them how good they are and what a great job they did? How wonderful they are? Yeah, that was that sigh. We are just two legged dogs. But, hey, what's not to like? We get survival jelly.

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