some advice?

**kyratshooter** · 01-16-2017, 01:27 PM

Anthony, I have 67 years of being screwed over, abused and misused.

Most of that occurred because I did not close out and move on.

If you have found your "soul mate" separate yourself from the pack you once ran with and sort through a new bunch of friends that have the same moral fiber and goals you and your GF/wife share.

The FB problem is your X and your former friends messing with your mind! They are living rent free in your head. Evict them, close the account and quit punishing yourself for living a safe and happy life with someone that loves you for who you are now.

As for the old long term friends. I can only relate that I had a boyhood friend I grew up with. We were closer than I was to my brothers. When he turned 22 he found a new GF, moved half way around the world and I have not seen him since 1973. That is how much he ws worried about me! I survived the loss, came to understand the fact that people grow up and move away.

In fact, you may find that your BF would stab you in the back without hesitation now that his life has become controlled by his vises.

Ever wondered how many times he has been with your X-GF? Bet you have! Bet he has!

Drop them all, close the FB account and move on.

**WolfVanZandt** · 01-16-2017, 02:01 PM

Are they rubbing it in your face? That would cap the issue for me. But then, I've been a loner all my life.

I'm not so sure that FaceBook doesn't belong on that list of the worst things that have happened to society. I've seen way too much damage done by it.

I'm a psychologist and I will tell you plainly that psychotherapy is a way to trick clients into finding appropriate solutions for their problems and, as bad as that might sound, people go to counselors because they can't find those solutions on their own....but the reason they can't find them is that they are blocked by lots of wishful and downright magical thinking. If people look for their solutions in LaLa land, they'll find solutions that will only work in LaLa land.

I've always felt like looking for solutions to personal problems on line is an iffy proposition. Individual's personal problems will almost always require personal solutions. I would say, "Drop your old friends and get some new ones." But I don't know everything about the situation and there's a good chance I'd be wrong. So......don't listen to me.

**Antonyraison** · 01-16-2017, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by hunter63

Just a few comments.....
You seem to be working thru this in your own mind...and have already made the decision to dump the drama and move on.
Continue to follow your heart.........

Personally I don't see much good come from social media when it is being used as a bullying tool.

Yip. You correct I do want to dump the drama. And certainly want to and am moving on.. simply do not need this type of vibe and energis in my life.

**Antonyraison** · 01-16-2017, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by kyratshooter

Anthony, I have 67 years of being screwed over, abused and misused.

Most of that occurred because I did not close out and move on.

If you have found your "soul mate" separate yourself from the pack you once ran with and sort through a new bunch of friends that have the same moral fiber and goals you and your GF/wife share.

The FB problem is your X and your former friends messing with your mind! They are living rent free in your head. Evict them, close the account and quit punishing yourself for living a safe and happy life with someone that loves you for who you are now.

As for the old long term friends. I can only relate that I had a boyhood friend I grew up with. We were closer than I was to my brothers. When he turned 22 he found a new GF, moved half way around the world and I have not seen him since 1973. That is how much he ws worried about me! I survived the loss, came to understand the fact that people grow up and move away.

In fact, you may find that your BF would stab you in the back without hesitation now that his life has become controlled by his vises.

Ever wondered how many times he has been with your X-GF? Bet you have! Bet he has!

Drop them all, close the FB account and move on.

It's great advise I appreciate it

**Antonyraison** · 01-16-2017, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by WolfVanZandt

Are they rubbing it in your face? That would cap the issue for me. But then, I've been a loner all my life.

I'm not so sure that FaceBook doesn't belong on that list of the worst things that have happened to society. I've seen way too much damage done by it.

I'm a psychologist and I will tell you plainly that psychotherapy is a way to trick clients into finding appropriate solutions for their problems and, as bad as that might sound, people go to counselors because they can't find those solutions on their own....but the reason they can't find them is that they are blocked by lots of wishful and downright magical thinking. If people look for their solutions in LaLa land, they'll find solutions that will only work in LaLa land.

I've always felt like looking for solutions to personal problems on line is an iffy proposition. Individual's personal problems will almost always require personal solutions. I would say, "Drop your old friends and get some new ones." But I don't know everything about the situation and there's a good chance I'd be wrong. So......don't listen to me.

No they not rubbing it my face.. They very nonchalant about the situation.. Anyway it's just something I am not used to, and not something I myself would do either.. guess cause I have always chosen my friend over a situation and haven't kept their exes as friends or be familiar with their exes it just seems very bizarre and almost a bit of a slap in face... but I agree.. I too think that dropping them is better.

**Antonyraison** · 01-16-2017, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by WolfVanZandt

Are they rubbing it in your face? That would cap the issue for me. But then, I've been a loner all my life.

I'm not so sure that FaceBook doesn't belong on that list of the worst things that have happened to society. I've seen way too much damage done by it.

I'm a psychologist and I will tell you plainly that psychotherapy is a way to trick clients into finding appropriate solutions for their problems and, as bad as that might sound, people go to counselors because they can't find those solutions on their own....but the reason they can't find them is that they are blocked by lots of wishful and downright magical thinking. If people look for their solutions in LaLa land, they'll find solutions that will only work in LaLa land.

I've always felt like looking for solutions to personal problems on line is an iffy proposition. Individual's personal problems will almost always require personal solutions. I would say, "Drop your old friends and get some new ones." But I don't know everything about the situation and there's a good chance I'd be wrong. So......don't listen to me.

No they no rubbing it my face.. They very nonchalant about the situation.. Anyway it's just something I am not used to, and not something I myself would do either.. guess cause I have always chosen my friend over a situation and haven't kept their exes as friends or be familiar with their exes it just seems very buzzard and almost a bit of a slap in face... but I agree.. I too think that dropping them is better.

**rebel** · 01-16-2017, 02:43 PM

You have to make choices in life. Good choices have rewards. Bad choices have consequences.

**tundrabadger** · 01-16-2017, 04:58 PM

You can't decide for your friends who they associate with or what they put in their bodies. You can, however, choose who YOU associate with and what you put in your body. Which being said, I'm glad you aren't using. Very good decision on your part. If your friends' behavior and drug use is really upsetting you, and I get the impression it might be, or if you are having lingering feelings of betrayal over your exe's drug use and behavior, you don't have to be alone. There are groups out there for people who've had that kind of experience if you look for them, and it can help talking to others who've been where you have.

Whatever you do, try not to let this eat at you.

**Rick** · 01-16-2017, 06:40 PM

Your emotions are your own. No one can MAKE you angry. You can only allow yourself to become angry. Letting someone else MAKE you angry means you have given them control over you and you have given up responsibility for your own emotions. Why do you really want your friends to choose sides? So you can say you won? You really need to think about why that's important to you. There is no reason a person has to choose sides if they do not wish to. As for the social media aspect if something were messing with my head that much I'd have to turn it off. Perhaps you should give it a rest for a month and see how your life goes without the social media and all the bickering. Wish your ex the best and be sincere about it. Then take that wonderful lady that you have found and go live your life. Your ex has no place in your current relationship. You are focusing on something that is past and missing out on what you have now and your future. That's what is really important.

I commend you for walking away from the drug scene. As others have said, no friend would push that on you. They would accept your decision and embrace it. You need to leave them behind. They really are NOT your friends.

**WolfVanZandt** · 01-16-2017, 06:57 PM

I used to regularly ask clients how many friends they had. If they said more than three, I marked it as an indication that they might not have a good grasp of reality. If they said 20, I started looking for more magical thinking that would monkeywrench their life. Good acquaintances are good to have but they ain't friends. Friends - real friends - are so valuable partially because they are so rare.

**oldsoldier** · 01-16-2017, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by randyt

personally I would not be friends with anyone that would try to peer pressure me into taking drugs.

I've gotta side with randy 110% on this one. Anyone that wants to pressure you into drugs IMO is more of a "pusher" than a friend. Nobody needs someone like that in their life.

**walks.in2.trees** · 01-16-2017, 07:51 PM

I think you have the correct idea here, so don't feel guilty about moving on. You don't necessarily need to be obvious about cutting ties... on FB, downgrade them from "following" to only seeing big life events. Since there's already a separation there, just let it drift away on it's own. After a year of no contact, then "unfriend them" Someday, they'll say, hmmm what happened to so-and-so... and when they contact you, be very circumspect and arms length at first, and don't fully engage until you're sure that they've moved on from that lifestyle.

VERY IMPORTANT
Don't be fooled if they ask for "help" to leave that lifestyle either, because they will just suck you into whatever trouble it is they're in. they might ask to stay for a few days, or for money... don't do it!! give them a card to a shelter or a therapist anything but actually letting them into your life until you know they've been away from all that. Sounds harsh, but I know more than a few people that have been screwed over that way.

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**crashdive123** · 01-16-2017, 09:10 PM

Just remember that it is all about mind over matter. Friends that mind your choices don't matter and aren't really your friends. Friends that matter don't mind what your choices are and will support your decisions.

**Phaedrus** · 01-17-2017, 03:12 AM

I would say ditch the drama, get off social media and give your loyalty to the good one that's standing beside you. You seem to know what's important in life so go for it! Don't let anything else become a distraction.

**Antonyraison** · 01-17-2017, 03:39 AM

Thanks all for the really awesome advice, I have read all the replies they all follow the same trend. I am simply ditching the drama and distancing myself totally from them, I have allowed them too much in my head. They grown adults and can make their own choices, my choice is not to be associated with any of that, I feel it's too much of a hindrance and not something I want associated to myself.

I basically already made the decision when I started the thread just kinda wanted outside views.

**druid** · 01-17-2017, 04:30 AM

unfriend them on social media but remain friends aside from that. If you need to explain it to them and they don't understand then the friendship wasn't meant to be.

**Antonyraison** · 01-17-2017, 06:14 AM

mmm, its just sooo much easier hahah that I just hide their posts, ignore their lives, move on.
I am not particularly concerned what they see on my social media, I dont post overly personal stuff really. Just a good space to stay in contact with other old friends and other groups.
So yeah I just quietly fade away from their view and carry on with Me