the geezer club

[hayshaker]

how old do you have tobe to join? do you have to have some malidies i got some of those too.
if i join do i get a free tube of liniment for joint pain or some preperation-H OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
i want to join the geezer club. hunter what's it all about?

[natertot]

I am much too young to have personal knowledge of this. Being that I work in a retirement community, I have discovered that the "ol' geezer club" isn't something that you join. You just look around one day and realize "crap, I'm there".

Although senior discounts and the Golden Coral do sound enticing!!!

[kyratshooter]

You have to meet several prerequisites.

A heart attack gains you automatic admittance. Each stint or balloon angioplasty gets extra points with the zipper chest giving max points over all with no other requirements needed.

Getting up from bed to pee more than three times a night is also an automatic in.

Cataract surgery is an automatic in if combined with any of the other symptoms.

If you have ever taken out your teeth to scare small children you are in.

And speaking of fear, it the last pregnancy scare in the family was one of your grand-daughters you are automatically in.

You are also in if the old saying "I'm not as good as I once was, but I am as good once as I ever was" no longer applies.


Other symptoms are variable in value.

If you make noise when you sit down, stand up, or walk you get points.

If there is a set of points and a condenser for a small block Chevy in your tool box you get double points.

If you ever owned a NEW vehicle with a ford 292 V8 you get triple points.

If you were in Viet Namn, or even if you were a draft dodger during Viet Namn you get points.

If you can not remember the name of your first wife's brother you get points.

If you can't remember your own name you get double points.

If the girl at the drive through window looks at you and automatically adjusts the computer to give you the senior discount you get points.

If you go to the Golden Corral to eat supper before 4pm to catch the Early Bird discount you get points.

If you have to remind yourself that Walmart and Kroger are now open all night you get points.

If you can't drive to either Walmart or Kroger after dark you get double points.

Now this list might expand at any time, and I think there is an upper Midwest list as well as my southern list.

[hunter63]

The way I see it .....
If you have been there and done that......because you had to...but now only do it because you want to...and only when you want to...and don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.......
You are a geezer.

When a younger person brags about pretty much normal stuff that you have done for many years and has lost the ..."Wow cool", factor....and you just think to your self... "proud of them selves aren't we...
You are a Geezer

Then can add "Dumas"...where needed.
You are a geezer.

Enjoy hearing about, seeing and listening to all the adventures, of all the new comers, and their children...and can understand their wonderment and accomplishment....and just feel really good about it....
You are a geezer....

If you can hold a conversation with your buddy, and don't mind if he/she nods off for a while...in the middle of it....
You are a Geezer

If you go to Walmart, check out .22 shells....then retire to the Geezer bench, while DW shops....
You are a geezer
...and the cuties at the service get you a cup of coffee while you are waiting.....
You are a geezer.

[Rick]

The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.

[ClayPick]

Lots of farting belongs on the list.

[hayshaker]

i get up with back pain in the moring and say to to myself i just got up then
realize oh yeah that's from yesterday harvesting wood.i say alot these days
ya know i remember when. saw a pot roast yesterday at walmart 16,59
i remember when a pot roast bigger than that was olny three dollars and change
and you could fill the trunk of a 69 impala for 70 bucks. sight aint what it used tobe
and had 2 surgeries on them. btw is youth wasted on the young damm skippy
i need that youth fer camping and humpin my ruck to and fro and fer chores as well.
aarp keeps sending me stuff to join an it just makes me feel old .

[Mannlicher]

I am not only a geezer, but I've been informed that I am also a curmudgeon. I don't see this as a problem. Other folks may disagree, but then I don't much care what they think in the first place.

[MrFixIt]

The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.

Well, crap...

[Rick]

That happens too.

[kyratshooter]

I have actually been chatting up a nice looking woman, not a kid mind you, and had her eating out of the palm of my hand.

Then had her slip me her mother's phone number since she needed someone just like me!

[hunter63]

I have actually been chatting up a nice looking woman, not a kid mind you, and had her eating out of the palm of my hand.

Then had her slip me her mother's phone number since she needed someone just like me!

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are........

[kyratshooter]

One of the greatest problems with being a geezer in modern times is that they can constantly repair your eyes.

You can get cataract surgery as an outpatient, laser surgery to give your 65 year old eyes the vision of a 20 year old and contact lenses to wear under your specs for magical optical powers.

And since men are visual critters we can now see what we do not need to be looking at until well into our eighties!

[Wildthang]

Two old geezers were talking one day and one of them said, I'm so tired of getting up at all hours of the night to pee and poop, its getting really old! The other old geezer bragged that he never ever has to pee and poop until 8:00 AM every morning. But! he said the only problem is that I never wake up before 9:00 AM!

[hunter63]

Two old geezers were talking one day and one of them said, I'm so tired of getting up at all hours of the night to pee and poop, its getting really old! The other old geezer bragged that he never ever has to pee and poop until 8:00 AM every morning. But! he said the only problem is that I never wake up before 9:00 AM!

What's your point.....?....LOL

[kyratshooter]

Sorry, did I miss anything?

I had to go take a nap.

[hunter63]

Geezers are more concerned with meds than ammo........
.....and with only a 3 months supply, two years worth of food is mostly for your kids.....

[WolfVanZandt]

I grew up in a very different culture (southeastern US) than I'm in now (Midwest). It took some getting use to when, suddenly, young people were respectfully calling me "grandpa." Of course, my hiking attire of choice, overalls, doesn't help much. A very large proportion of people around here are from California.

[Faiaoga]

The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.

You know you are a geezer when the beautiful girl asks you to come over to her place for the afternoon.........because she and her husband are hosting a bible study group.. Somehow, bible study is not what I had in mind, but I will have to settle for what I can get

[Wildthang]

You know you are old if... you remember these Geezer Jokes
Geezer Jokes Source unknown..



You're not old UNLESS you can remember:


Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time. And you got trading stamps to boot!

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed--and did!

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

When women were called, "Mrs. John Smith," instead of their own name.