My knife is so sharp..............stories and sayings

**Wildthang** · 07-22-2015, 01:10 PM

My knife is so sharp, "it'll split a floatin' dog t*rd and never ripple the water!"

**Wildthang** · 07-22-2015, 01:13 PM

"Gerber makes the best knives you can buy."
"$350?!?!? You could have got a Gerber for $20 and it will do the same thing."

**hunter63** · 07-22-2015, 01:17 PM

"I can run away into the wilderness with my Harbor Freight Survival knife and live forever"

**Wildthang** · 07-22-2015, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by hunter63

"I can run away into the wilderness with my Harbor Freight Survival knife and live forever"

Buahahahaha how many times have we heard that one?

**Lamewolf** · 07-22-2015, 04:41 PM

My knife is so sharp it will scare the beard off your face !

**Sarge47** · 07-22-2015, 05:51 PM

My knife is so sharp it'll break wind! Or...uh...I mean "cut wind," yeah, that's it.....

**Rick** · 07-23-2015, 12:35 AM

My knife is so sharp it can cut Chuck Norris. (Beat that!)

**Lamewolf** · 07-23-2015, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by Rick

My knife is so sharp it can cut Chuck Norris. (Beat that!)

My knife is so sharp it can cut what you cut off Chuck Norris !

And, and, and my knife is so sharp I swung it at a fly and my buddy said you missed it, and I said, oh yeah, wait til that fly tries to have sex !

**natertot** · 07-23-2015, 08:38 AM

Hey Rick and Lamewolf, Chuck Norris just called and he is not impressed. He asked me to relay the message that he is now coming for you. No one will know it though because the after effects will only be described as a natural disaster. Good luck guys, nice knowin ya!

**Rick** · 07-23-2015, 09:16 AM

Chuck had a good laugh at that. We're going to brunch. We'll be back soon.

**Lamewolf** · 07-23-2015, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by natertot

Hey Rick and Lamewolf, Chuck Norris just called and he is not impressed. He asked me to relay the message that he is now coming for you. No one will know it though because the after effects will only be described as a natural disaster. Good luck guys, nice knowin ya!

It'll be OK, I taught Chuck everything he knows !

**backtobasics** · 07-23-2015, 12:01 PM

My wife is so hot she touched Chuck and he passed out. Chuck actually does buy furniture for his vacation home from my wife and we have seen him at Walmart. Walmart is about all this little town has.

**natertot** · 07-23-2015, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Rick

Chuck had a good laugh at that. We're going to brunch. We'll be back soon.

HAHAHA! Everyone knows that Chuck doesn't go to brunch, brunch goes to Chuck!

**Seniorman** · 07-23-2015, 01:30 PM

My knife is so sharp that when I slice ham, the slice has only one side.

S.M.

**hunter63** · 07-23-2015, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by Seniorman

My knife is so sharp that when I slice ham, the slice has only one side.

S.M.

Bingo....Winner!....Bhohahahaha

**MrFixIt** · 07-23-2015, 03:29 PM

True story:
I once sharpened a knife for an elderly gentleman, an older 2 bladed Case Trapper. I cleaned it up and oiled the joints (included in the service). When he came to pick it up, he tested the edge on his thumb. His eyes got big and he looked at me and said, "Boy, you got this thing sharp enough to cut the stink offa s*@t!!"
I just kinda laughed and asked him to be careful. He was a great customer and I miss the conversations and stories we had together.

**TXyakr** · 07-23-2015, 04:09 PM

Chuck Norris and his family attended our church for a few years, I never asked him about knives. I think they preferred to be treated like normal people, just say Hi. They may still attend but at a different time, I don't pay much attention to "celebrities".

As kids when we were bored we over sharpen our machetes and stropped them with leather until they we could shave our arms etc.

"My knife is so sharp my skin looks like a baby's now after testing it."

I guess toilet paper will work now, no longer need a bidet. :-P