I'm Back
And for you wise acres (you know who you are) yes, I've been gone. We spent three days in Jackson, Wy and a couple of weeks in Yellowstone. We had some side excursions including hiking Red Canyon in Montana and Craters of the Moon in Idaho. I'll spare you the touristy pics. You can look those up on the net if you need to see what Old Faithful looks like but I do have some that's I'll post that are either unique, funny or just good overall pics. We traveled 5000 miles, had perfect weather except of a couple of brief instances (including a tornado warning in Idaho while driving) and no major injuries so all in all it was a success.
I found the people in Yellowstone to be far more ... how do I put this ... interesting (I'll be nice) than just about anything else there. I told my wife it would be terribly selfish of me to want to see Yellowstone while no one else is around but there were some generally stupid folks there. More on that in a minute.
Yellowstone, if you haven't been there, has to be one of the most unique geological places on earth. If you like the smell of hydrogen sulfide and bubbling mud you'll be right at home there. I was surprised to learn that it's not one caldera but actually seven stretching back into Idaho and southwest of Boise. Pretty incredible. To know you are actually driving through a volcano's caldera is pretty humbling. Especially when you realize how large it it.
If the U.S. every wanted to invade China they should have done it last week. Every Chinese man, woman and child was in Yellowstone. All 1.3 billion of them. Crammed in buses until they ran out of buses and then they crammed them in cars. No offense to the orientals on here but I'm convinced they are the worst drivers in the world. Okay, they are in a foreign country, we drive on the wrong side of the road and the signs are in English...sort of...but still. I thought I was going to have to get a cow catcher installed on the front of the van. That's a bit tongue in cheek so don't flame me. But just a bit. I'll share more on this in another post.
For now, let me share what you won't find on the internet about Yellowstone.
What’s not in the brochures.
I have coined a new law of nature…the Synergy of Stupid. If you put enough people into a small enough area the level of stupid will extend far beyond the sum of all the stupid people in that area. Sort of the fission version of stupid. Here are some actual examples…some we saw multiple times…of really stupid stuff.
1. Passing on a double yellow blind curve is perfectly acceptable. Day or night, clear or foggy doesn’t matter a whit. Give ‘er the gas and go. The reason we didn’t see a head on collision is proof that God watches over babies and fools.
2. When parking you should take up as many parking spaces as possible. Yellowstone must have given out bonus points on this because I saw vehicles taking up as many as 3 parking spaces. I’m not sure how you can determine you should park sideways in a parking space but they did it none-the-less.
3. If the parking lot is full feel free to park in the right turn lane. The cars behind you will soon get the message that you have abandoned your vehicle and they will do the same.
4. If the parking lot AND the right turn lane are full feel free to park in the road. The good folks in Yellowstone were smart enough to put in two lanes. Since only one lane is needed for traffic the other will serve just fine as a parking lot.
5. Allow your child to walk on the edge of walls or other steep terrain. But only when the drop is of 50 feet or more onto rocks or hot thermals. There have only been three deaths in Yellowstone this year so the odds are in your favor.
Two people died while we were out there. A 22 year old park employee was rafting and in violation of the rules and drowned. An eight year old girl fell 550 feet to her death. We still saw multiple examples of kids taking huge risks with the parents right next to them. Frankly, they scared the bejeesus out of me.
6. Feel free to leave the path and stand on the very edge of a hot thermal so your picture can be taken. We saw at least one gentlemen do this very thing. He knelt down beside a sign that had a man with a circle and a hash mark through it. I don’t care what your native language is that’s pretty universal. He was very fortunate the ground held him.
7. If you see an animal you should stop your car immediately. If you are on a blind curve all the better. The screeching tires behind you will cause the animal to look up from grazing and you’ll get a much better photo.
8. If you see an animal you should jump out of your car and go running toward it, preferably with a 7 or 8 year old child in tow. Remember, the closer you get the better the photo will be. This one scared the bejeesus out of me too. I did not want to witness a kid getting trampled. I can’t imagine what a 500 pound elk or a 1200 pound bison must think when they see people running across a field or into the woods after them. It can’t be good though.
9. Always remember the 45 mph speed limit is only a suggestion. Feel free to drive whatever speed you choose. Your inertia when slamming into a bison at 60 will probably move the animal out of the way and you’ll sail right through. Probably. The park rangers ran radar a LOT and they had folks pulled over a LOT.
10. Feel free to park where ever you choose. In front of a No Parking sign is generally open and you can park in front of those just about anywhere. One guy was getting a ticket for this very offense even though the sign was RIGHT THERE. Hello? Here’s your sign.
I'm working on the pics so much more to come!
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Rick?
I can't believe people are that ignorant in a park of that nature, enough to make me not want to go there.
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