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Thread: Boy, was I stupid stories...

  1. #1

    Default Boy, was I stupid stories...

    Anyone have their story? Here's mine:

    Mark H. and I have this great idea. We skip school to go white water rafting. After our raft purchase from K-mart... We head to the lake where there is a damn and river. Just as we arrive a group of folks take off down the river in their nice raft with life jackets and helmets. Looks like fun! After getting our raft inflated and the plastic paddles put together we find out the two-man raft will only work if we sit facing each other. Oh, well. Off we go. No jackets or helmets in a cheap raft. After about 10 minutes we hear a claxon. Bong, bong, bong and a roar. They just released water from the damn! Now we're moving and we can't get out. Cliffs on both sides. After about 15 minutes the river gets wider and slower. There is also a roaring sound that gets loader with each turn. It's not an echo from the damn but, a waterfall. It's about 40 feet. Mark H. and I are about to have a fight to see who goes over the fall backward. Anyway, I end -up looking at Mark with these huge eyes as we go over the falls. Then, there is this huge wall of water triing to keep us in the falls. Thank God for guardian angles! Got any good stories? Any been there done that? There I was...?


  2. #2
    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Oh, yea. Where do I begin? There are just so many. I was....or 17, maybe (several thousand years ago) and was a pretty decent shade tree mechanic. Not much I wouldn't tackle. I drove home one winter's day and noticed a rattle coming from beneath my car. It sounded like the muffler was loose. A bracket, I figured. No big deal. Got to my parents house and parked the car, bent down on one knee and reached under the car. Ya'll know what's coming don't you? I sure did. Put my big fat hand right on the muffler for about 2/10's of a second. That's all it took to turn the inside of my palm and all my itty fingers into one giant blister. My hand went straight into a pile of snow and I was praying that snow could suddenly be much much colder. It took a long time to get over that one. But to this day, I've yet to touch a hot muffler. I did the exact same thing with an iron when I was about 4. Took me twice to learn. I'm a bit slow.

    The really cool part about doing really stupid stuff is that fraction of a moment between when you actually did it and when the pain sets in. There's this flash of "Oh, da*n! This is really gonna hurt" that runs through your mind followed by that wave of intense pain.

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    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    One that happened to a buddy. We were out drinking one night, many many years ago, and he was driving. He was hammered and I was lit. We're driving down a country road when the red lights pop on behind us. By buddy stops and the cop walks up to the car and says,"

    (tap)(tap) "Sir, could you roll your window down?"

    Nothin'.

    (tap)(tap) "Sir, could you roll your window down?" again.

    Nothin'.

    cop: "Sir, could you step out of the vehicle?"

    "What are you gonna do if I don't?" he asked.

    cop: "Sir, have you ever had your a** drug through a vent window?"

    My buddy looks at me and I told him you better step out. You're gonna look funny goin' through that little whole. So he steps out.

    cop: "Sir, you are really drunk aren't you."

    buddy: "Nope."

    cop: "Yeah, I think you are. You just closed your hand in the door."

    My buddy looked down at his fingers jammed inside the closed door and looked back up at the cop.

    buddy: "That's really gonna hurt tomorrow aint' it?"

    cop: "I wouldn't be surprised."

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    My first car at 16 was a used 1968 Plymouth Fury 3 station wagon.....a 22' long beast with a kick azz 8 track stereo. Five buddies and I were cruising around town at 3:00am with nothing to do do but drink a few wobbly pops and look for trouble. We ended up drinking at the local campground that was adjacent to the town pool, curling rink and hockey rink. It had a huge parking lot which they piled all the snow into a few gigantic piles to clear the lot. One of my buddies suggested it would be a cool idea to do a Starchky and Hutch move by driving into the pile of snow and getting a bit of air for sh*ts and giggles. Well thats where everything went terribly wrong. I lined up the big Fury 3 from the farthest 20' pile of snow, revved the engine, shifted into gear and pinned it to the floor. At or around 60 mph I started to second guess the logic of the situation but with all the "Yee Hawws and Ya Hoo's!" being yelled from the back seat I kept her staight and steady. With a gigantic thud we hit the pile of snow........and came to an immediate stop. Absolutely no air time but instead went straight into the pile tunneling it. Last thing I remembered was the sound of the jaws of life cutting the roof off and the paramedics comforting us as making sure we were all still alive.

    Instead of jumping the mound of snow like they do in the movies, we ended up pushing the windshield into the car and filling the car completely with snow and ice trapping us inside of the the car for over a half an hour.

    Neadless to say my picture was on the front page of the local newspaper the next morning, with out the mighty Fury 3, $400.00 worth of fines and 50 community work hours.

    Years later we all still talk about that night and laugh our azz off for being so frikken stupid....

  5. #5

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    You guys spin a good story. I had a few giggles. If nothing else maybe someone will learn from our mistakes.

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    Tracker Beo's Avatar
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    I learned you guys didn't do as many dumb things as I did, I had to repeat grades 10, 11, and 12 at the school of hard knocks. Too embarrased to post them here.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

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    Senior Member bulrush's Avatar
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    I was 16 or 17 with my first car, a 1979 Chevette. It was winter and I was taking my younger sister to school, she was in the front passenger seat. We hit an ice boulder and I hear a "clunk" under my feet. My sister starts screaming "AAHHHHHH! There's no more floor! You're going to die!!"

    I look down by my feet and see icy pavement swishing by at 50mpg, as I had no floor mats and the floor had rusted completely through. Needless to say I installed a floor mat for the winter, and patched up the hole in the spring. Hole was about 10x10 inches.

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    Senior Member bulrush's Avatar
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    I was about 13 or 14 at the time, my friend S and I had cabin fever, as it was early spring. All the snow was now melted and the winds had picked up. We were longing to do something outside. As the parental units refused to let us make black powder we decided to take apart a few model rocket engines.

    So I got a pile of rocket fuel and cupped my hands around it and tried to light it. No luck. I bent down close to the fuel, then finally it ignited and POOF! it burned up in my face. I reared up, startled, and I coughed a puff of black smoke out of my lungs. My friend rolled on the ground laughing because my face was all black and I had 2 white circles where I shut my eyes. Also, all the hair on my face was gone, and the top of my forehead hair was also in little balls of burned hair.

    Luckily I wasn't too burned, just minor first degree burns. We went into the house, his mom went apesh!t, but his dad starts laughing. When I finally saw myself in the mirror I started laughing too. I was lucky nothing worse happened.

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    Senior Member hillbilly1987's Avatar
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    wow funny storys guys great ones

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    Protector Of The Land MedicineWolf's Avatar
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    Got chased by a big azz bear (about 20 yards off the road) I had parked about four feet from a leaning tree, went up the tree and over the SUV and under neath and just lay there, damn bear thought I was in the tree and pounded on it till it up rooted and fell across my car, half hour later it wondered off and there I was with half crushed roof and shattered windshield. Moral of the story never park by a leaning tree in bear country.
    Boss wasn't to happy about that, it was a Forestry Service SUV
    Last edited by MedicineWolf; 03-11-2008 at 03:40 PM.
    Living in the Northern part of the Lewis and Clark National Forest as a Ranger with US Forestry Service... What more could a guy want

  11. #11
    Protector Of The Land MedicineWolf's Avatar
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    Beo won't tell ya this so I will, yup its about him... lol...
    We were in Germany for Reforger, its been pouring down rain for like two three days and we ride up on these female soldiers (oxymoron I know) from the TMC (troop medical clinic) and their nurses, they got a 10k generator trailor stuck azz deep in this mudd and Beo, bless his wittle heart, decides that the four of us are gonna help them and push this thing outta the mudd. So mister wanna impress the girlies grabs the tongue and we go around to the back and push as he pulls and after a minute or two we stop and walk forward, there's Beo face down in the gunk holding his sac screaming about the pain. The TMC gals check him out and his dumb azz got a hernia lifting the tongue of that big generator. we picked him up and took him to the aid station and he left to get his hernia operation. That was some funny she-it for sure. Best part, before we left we pulled it out with our truck... lol... he took crap for that for almost a year.
    Living in the Northern part of the Lewis and Clark National Forest as a Ranger with US Forestry Service... What more could a guy want

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    Senior Member marberry's Avatar
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    ur lucky that bear didnt have a sense of smell medicinewolf.
    This member asked that their user name be changed. They acknowledged that most of what they have posted in the past was less than truthful. Hence the reason for the signature post.

  13. #13
    Protector Of The Land MedicineWolf's Avatar
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    It knew where I was, just stayed up under the truck on the opposite side, guess it got board and then left I didn't ask. Pucker factor was really high though.
    Living in the Northern part of the Lewis and Clark National Forest as a Ranger with US Forestry Service... What more could a guy want

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    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Two bears having a conversation.

    "What you doin', Bob?"
    "Got a Forest Ranger under the truck. Tryin' to get him out"
    "You reckon pokin' him with that tree branch will get him to come out."
    "Works on cats."
    "Good point."
    Last edited by Rick; 03-11-2008 at 04:03 PM.

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    Senior Member marberry's Avatar
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    you should carry around bear mace or one of those bear flares. especcially if your a park ranger...
    This member asked that their user name be changed. They acknowledged that most of what they have posted in the past was less than truthful. Hence the reason for the signature post.

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    Tracker Beo's Avatar
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    He does, big dummy probably left it in the car, lotta good it did ya. And hear ya are my oldest and dearest Army buddy that I'd take a bullet for and your telling my embarressing stories. Had to take care of trooper from doing that now I gotta handle a fat park ranger too.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    That's right - forgot about Trooper telling the story of you planting your backside on the arrow head. Thanks for reminding us.
    Can't Means Won't

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    Tracker Beo's Avatar
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    Don't know what your talking about... never happened... no sir.
    Anyway did the females on here miss MW saying female soldiers were an Oxymoron, come on and get him!!! Give him what for, whatever what for is.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

  19. #19
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    Here is my "stupid story". I thought that the reason for the "Wilderness Survival Form" was to be helpful, and to share real wilderness learning experiences. Man, was I stupid.

  20. #20
    Tracker Beo's Avatar
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    Yeah that's pretty dumb bro, we just come here to spread lies and bash people, wait we can't really bash people so its to spread disinformation and tell whooping tales of how great we survived the rugged wilds of 40 acre park in town.
    There is no greater solitude than that of the Tracker in the forest, unless perhaps it's that of the wolf in the wilderness.

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