Willie, know that the grief you feel is natural and it is deep and real. It is something one lives through, not deals with.
There is no magic moment when the pain no longer sweeps over you. Time does not heal all things, it only dulls them slightly.
There are no answers why, at least none that have been revealed to me.
My prayers go out for you, and a fatherless child and the young wife that never was and now has only the love and kindness of your family to rest in.