Homeland Security Funding Recieved

[Winnie]

Madam, we may be the colonies but we are a republic not imperial. Thank you very much.

And here's me thinking the Democrats were in power

[Rick]

Yeah, and we do have an election coming up. Hmmmm. Maybe....nah, that would be unAmerican.

Abdullah called this morning and wanted to know if the boats were satisfactory. I told him the only thing that could make them better would be a couple of pounds of bacon. He said he'd check with the FDA and see what he could find. Imagine that. Our government must have lots of money to give away.

On a bitter note, I did call the ATF and asked about them replacing the "lost" shotgun. I don't think I've ever heard so much laughter in my life. He even put me on speaker phone and asked me to repeat my request. When I did everyone broke out in laughter. He thanked me over and over for making their day. I didn't see what was so funny so I asked 'em again. He finally asked me if I had a hammer and of course I told him yes. Then he wanted to know if I had any sand and I told him I could probably get some from the beach down at the marina. He told me to get a great big bucket and use the hammer to pound sand up my ... well, he wasn't very nice about the whole thing. I think I need to report him to Abdullah. Maybe Homeland Security can straighten them folks out.

[Winnie]

Ooops, edited, thought it might be too political!

[Winnie]

As your ATF were so unpleasant, I contacted the HMRC to see what could be done concerning arming the F.A.R.T boat. I spoke to a very nice lady. She said we could have one of these.





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But I was to make sure the protective equipment that was being provided with them must be worn as she could not be held responsible for any injury.


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She said to apologise for the lack of matching protective clothing, this was the best that could be done at such short notice.

[crashdive123]

Now we're talking. That cork looks like it would fit perfectly on the whiskey bottle. I sure wish I hadn't left the top on the first boat. In that second picture - well - let's just call it British ingenuity. On those cold days the can between the two strings would stick to our ears, but I can see the brilliance of this newer communications device. Thanks. Not sure about the third picture though. If Sourdough still had his geese..... The only trick was to make sure they were calm before trying to fasten the buttons together just below their chins. Is it called a chin on geese?

[Winnie]

I was told the third item is protective headgear. It's main use is to protect your ears and eyes when operating the Weapons system. In this mode the hole is to the back of the head and buttons secured firmly at the nape of neck.
You F.A.R.Ts are pretty clever yourselves. Item #2's primary function was to be worn on the hands to prevent nose picking(your own or anyone elses). I spoke to the nice lady at HMRC and she said well done you colonial type chaps. She said she will pass on your communtication device idea to those who need to know. She even mentioned an award!

[Rick]

Ixnay on the ovglas. I tried those on once. It took four fireman and six paramedics to get them unwrapped around my neck. I was without oxygen for nine minutes. I was without oxygen for nine minutes. I was without oxygen for.........

[2dumb2kwit]

Just a reminder. LOL

farts.jpg

[Rick]

2Dumb, I'm just so upset I could spit. After we went to all the work of hoisting those two boats out of the water to spin 'em around I found that @#$# mule of yours using the propeller to slice spam. Now I'm like the rest of you in figuring that's a right ingenious use of both the prop and spam especially considerin' the "accident" the mule had. But the truth of the matter is that flea bitten jackalope wouldn't share none of the spam. That's just not....well....F.A.R.T. like. I swear your mule is a regular *** and if you can't straighten him out I'm afraid we'll have to vote him out free rides or no free rides.

[rebel]

Who's the Captain of this operation?

[Rick]

We don't have titles. If we had a captain then we'd have to have commanders and admirals and generals someone would be pulled under by all the medals, braids and hoopla. We sorta just drive 'till we hit something then someone else takes a turn until he hits something and so on. I reckon if we had titles they would be more appropriate if they were "bacon fixer", "spam eater", "beer tester" and things like that.

We've really had a time with the new boats. We've had 'em out of the water for two weeks now trying to get 'em pointed in the right direction. We spun 'em around and set back in the water but they were still pointed wrong. So we pulled them back out, spun around and put 'em back in and they were STILL wrong. We're talkin' to the marina about spinning the dock around now.

[rebel]

Me and some of my redneck friends would like to borrow your boats if and when the Iranian navy makes it to our side of the world. I told the boys that I'd supply the beer if they went out for a "howdy". We could fly the bars and stars and see where it goes from there. It might make for some good video.

[Rick]

That would be fine if we ever get them straightened out. We've had the darnedest time getting those things in their dock. We got permission to take the dock apart, which was no problem but now we trying to figure out which parts fit together. I asked Crash to number the darn parts so we'd know which part fits which part. I thought we were going great guns only to find out he marked all the parts with a 1. Admittedly, my instructions might have been somewhat lacking. All I said was number them, which is exactly what he did.

[crashdive123]

Sorry about that Rick. I had my headphones on and was listening to a college football game. I kept hearing the crowd chant "We're number one" and thought it was a good idea at the time. Don't worry though - the soap stone markings should wash of with the first rain we get, removing all confusion.

[Rick]

But I......(head slap)

[crashdive123]

Don't worry. Don't worry. After the rains I'll go out and put different numbers on each piece. First I gotta haul the pieces out of the warehouse so they can get wet, and then I'll put them back inside to dry. After they dry I'll start on numbering them. I think I may need a nap now.

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[rebel]

Sorry, I may have opened a can of worms pre-maturely. It seems the guys are working on some kind of super potato gun.

[rebel]

A "deliverance weapon". A weapon of " deliverance". I can't make it out. Doesn't sound good. What? No, it ain't purdy.

[Rick]

May I suggest they add multiple sections of fine wire attached to the end of the weapon? That way when the spud comes out it will be cut into French fries. Sort of a cluster bomb effect. If it doesn't kill them at least we can cook the projectiles. If it works really well we could probably use it over at the command trailer for fish night. Nothing better that fish and chips.

[rebel]

Jeeze You know how it is. By the time it's over you're walking out with the "deer in the headlights" look.