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Thread: Homeland Security Funding Recieved

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    Administrator Rick's Avatar
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    Default Homeland Security Funding Recieved

    As some of you know we had a terrible accident that involved the F.A.R.T.s boat. Someone, and we aren't naming names (Pal) lost it. We have spent countless hours searching for it upstream to no avail. So, we did the next best thing. We asked the government to replace it. They did and in spades!

    The are sending us a 44 foot motor life boat. The one pictured below is not the exact one we are to receive but they assure me that it is very similar. We did ask them to send one that had been treated a little better than the one in the picture and they said they would look around and see what they could find. Them fellahs are mighty nice.

    After much deliberation we've decided to remove the big tall thing on the back end. Most of us a afraid of heights so none of us will be up there anyway. And after a full breakfast of biscuits and gravy we figured bobbin' around that high up would have a detrimental impact on those standing below so that rascal has to come off. Once it comes in we're all headin' over to Bubba's House of Military Surplus and see if we can find some rain suits and galoshes. I'm pretty partial to a Souwestern rain hat. Sure hope Bubba has some.

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    Now, if that right there weren't swell enough of them Homeland Security fellahs they said they had a mobile command center they were willing to just give us. I admit we were a bit skeptical but after some deliberation we decided to accept their offer. We did take ownership of it last week and have been doing quite a bit of work to get it presentable.

    We pulled out the communication stuff and installed a deep frier and griddle. The scuba gear was removed and replaced with an ice box and beer dispenser. We also added a microwave. We did hang on to the generator and lights. We aren't much good after dark any more but it does make it a bit easier to see on the way back to the truck. Last one out turn the lights off.

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    If I forgot anything I'm sure the other guys will remember...I think. We gotta start writin' this stuff down.


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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    In an effort to speed up the search for the boat they also sent us a search aircraft. They said they would include flying lessons with the next one.

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    Fortunately, 2Dumb was uninjured in the mishap. The mule was pretty bruised up, however.

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    Super-duper Moderator Sarge47's Avatar
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    Cool Also....

    They're sending this top-of-the-line transit bus to help get people to the boat and such:

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    Last edited by Sarge47; 09-06-2011 at 07:38 AM.
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    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    I'm still waiting guys..It's been 2, yes TWO years since a promise was forthcoming to help with my rodent problem. The little blighters have just moved in, Bobcat can't do this on his own anymore, his trap-like jaws have had a few teeth removed. It would be the perfect operation to test the F.A.R.T boat and any equipment you may purchase from Bubba.
    Last edited by Winnie; 09-06-2011 at 03:40 AM.
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

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    I stand ready to again provide safeguarding for the equipment. This time I promise to tie the stuff down more securely. Cross my Heart
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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winnie View Post
    I'm still waiting guys..It's been 2, yes TWO years since a promise was forthcoming to help with my rodent problem. The little blighters have just moved in, Bobcat can't do this on his own anymore, his trap-like jaws have had a few teeth removed. It would be the perfect operation to test the F.A.R.T boat and any equipment you may purchase from Bubba.
    We're still formulating our plan. I know we had pencils around here someplace. Anybody see the pencils? They weren't in the boat were they?
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    Well, more bad news. When it rains it pours. I was just on the phone to them Homeland Security fellahs and they told me we would NOT be able to pull the mobile command center behind the motor life boat! We had planned to tow it over there, Winnie, and cook up a good ole American meal or two while we eradicated those furry little monsters with our cute guns. Obviously, this puts a bit of a kink in our plans. We will have to gather the fellahs together and brainstorm on this one a bit more. Off the top of my head I'm at a loss as to what to do. Maybe we can push it instead of pull it. I'll call the Homeland Security folks and run that by them.

    Crash, the last I saw of the pencils Sarge was flingin' em at the dart board. Doing a fair job of getting them to stick, too. You might check the dart board. You know he seldom puts stuff back where he found it.

    Also, I notice on Sarge's latest communication vis a vie the transit bus that it is marked No. 2. When I talk to the Homeland Security folks I'll ask them about No. 1. We could run back and forth to the parking lot. One coming and one going. It's only 100 feet or so but a step saved is a penny earned or something like that.

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    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crashdive123 View Post
    We're still formulating our plan. I know we had pencils around here someplace. Anybody see the pencils? They weren't in the boat were they?
    Formulating, shmormulating. Ya'll just scared of England's Supermice, admit it. A REAL F.A.R.T would have at least got on to logistics by now, calculated how much Bacon was required for the journey, then doubling it, just in case. I can loan you a pencil, but you'll have to come get it
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    OK - that solves the pencil problem. What about paper? Anybody seen the paper?
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    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    Didn't Rick put the paper under the typewriter?
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winnie View Post
    Didn't Rick put the paper under the typewriter?
    By golly I think you are right! Now, all we gotta do is find the boat. I wonder if the typewriter was in the bow or the stern. Maybe we should send search parties further upstream to see if it drifted there.
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    Senior Member Winnie's Avatar
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    Well, if Pal hadn't lost the boat in the first place, you'd be able to use the typwriter to type out your plan on the paper underneath the typewriter, and the Homeland Security funding could be used to buy one of these, go on, you know you want one.... Maybe Bubba has one out back.




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    Last edited by Winnie; 09-06-2011 at 02:58 PM. Reason: 'splin
    Recession; A period when you go without something your Grandparents never heard of.

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Maybe we could use that Zubr class LCAC to find our boat? I wonder if it comes with paper.
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    That would never work. It has one of those high thingies on it too. We don't like heights. Besides, that one obviously has bad brakes 'cause they couldn't stop before they hit the beach. That got some little wrecker thingie trying to push it back out.

    Bad news on the transit bus I'm afraid. The Homeland Security fellahs said the No 2 was painted on the bus in jest because someone thought it was chitty. I told him we thought it looked just fine. He said they'd try to remove the painting before they ship it to us.

    In other news, he said he would have to get back to me on pushing the command center to England. They have some folks that are pretty good with numbers I guess and they are gonna do some cypherin' to see if it can be done. Of course, that conversation took place before I saw Rebel's suggestion of flying it over. We'll just have to find someone besides 2Dumb and that stupid Mule. As it turns out the Mule was flyin' the plane when it went down. 2Dumb was takin' a nap and didn't even wake up until the blamed thing had been hauled to shore. Of course the Mule tried to blame the whole thing on 2Dumb. If there is one thing I can't stomach it's a lyin' Mule. I've since taken the Mule's name off the flying lessons sign up sheet.

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    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    I don't know about moving the command center over to England. I don't think we have anybody that speaks the language.
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    Good News!!! I found the Old F.A.R.T. Boat!!! Bad news is it's gonna' need some repairs......

    minnow.jpg
    Because a survival situation carries an aura of timelessness, a survivor cannot allow himself to be overcome by it's duration or quality. A survivor accepts the situation as it is and improves it from that standpoint. Prologue from Outdoor Survival Skills by Larry Dean Olsen

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    We need to keep this under wraps for a bit. There was some clause in the Homeland Security forms about owning a boat disqualified us from receiving the motor life boat. And quite frankly it's a beauty. Besides. I'm not so certain that's our boat. I don't remember those big ole holes in ours.

  20. #20
    Super Moderator crashdive123's Avatar
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    Is there a typewriter and paper in it?
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