My soapbox: I am not my father's son

[your_comforting_company]

Ok.. I just needed to vent, and you folks don't seem to mind so much since I usually pass along some ideal or whatever, but this past week has really taught me a lot about myself and how different I am from the people that surround me on a regular basis.

So my dad killed an 11 point buck a few weeks ago when he and I went hunting together. I helped him drag it out of the woods. We came to my house to the "hangin' tree" and I skinned it for him and quartered it up. It's my dad so no charge, right?

Well, I really did it so that I could have the skin and brains. Fair enough.. BUT.
He gave the whole deer away. To quote him, "I gave it to them ni....s at work, hahaha". Didn't offer me or my uncle or my grandmother (his mom too), or anyone in the family the meat. Said it was too tough and gristly and musky from the rut...

Well, you see. I have this idea, that if we live more simply, we don't need as much money to find our "comforts", like supper. I hunt hard during season to stock up on food for the coming year. That reduces the grocery expenses so I am not forced to spend my time making money. My dad knows this.
I also process my own meats. If I had to fork over $100+ for every deer I killed, I would go broke.
Don't you know I would have made room in the freezer for that deer?

The only thing my father wanted off that deer was the horns. He had absolutely no intention of using any other single part of the deer. He had no intention of eating any of it. He killed that magnificent animal for pride and glory, and I'm telling you right here and now that I am NOTHING like my father. These are the kinds of men who need to go to church and ask forgiveness for having absolutely NO RESPECT FOR THE GOOD LORD'S CREATION. Every time I've seen my dad in the last two weeks, he's had to show those horns, and every time he shows them in my presence, I point out "That's way more horns than I can eat in a year".

So I was out in the chop shop yesterday hand stretching the skin I'm making the video's with when he pulled up in the yard. He laughed and made smartass comments about all the work I was putting into it. He said "That's wanting something bad".
I pointed out that it was Sunday and this is my time with the Lord, showing my appreciation for the life of an animal that was taken callously and with no respect.. As if I were performing the penance for his actions. He got a little ill about it and I replied "You spend 5 days a week trading your time to your boss to make a paycheck, when you could be out doing something for yourself and appreciating the world we've been given, only to go home at night and sit idly in front of the tv doing NOTHING. Then you go trade that money for whatever it is you want, no matter the effect it has on the earth because "I won't be around to see it"... newsflash:
I might be.
Your grandkids might be.

You want to know why the world is going to hell in a handbasket?
It's because men like him don't give a damn about anything but 'outdoing the joneses'. "Look what I have. I bet you don't have one as nice as this."
Pride and glory have taken (by force) a front seat and humility and respect have had to move to the back of the bus.

This is the man who raised me, yet we are complete opposites. I don't kill things I don't intend to eat. I take no pride or glory in killing.

I was going to tan this skin out and give it to him as a throw/blanket for his easy chair, or fix it so he could wear it as a shawl for extra warmth. I've decided since he didn't want any of the rest of the deer, that I'll keep it. He didn't have any appreciation whatsoever for the deer and didn't want to keep any of the rest of it, so I'll make use of what little I got to keep.

My uncle is basically the same way (they are brothers). We hunt together all the time. When he kills a deer he get's all excited and giggly. I normally want to cry and usually shed at least one tear for the animal.
I don't know how many deer he has watched me skin, but I promise you one thing.. He had no idea how to skin the last deer he killed. He apparently cannot learn by watching, nor doing, or either he doesn't give a damn either. If you hand him a knife, he's going to scrape bone with it (at 50 yrs old, still don't know how to use a knife), slice the skin to shreds, waste all the meat that isn't easily available, like hams backstraps and shoulders, and the rest is going to the yotes.
Then he's ready to go back and kill another. Always in a hurry to kill more.

Over the last few weeks, I've lost a lot of respect for people that I thought were deserving of respect. Through my growing love of all things primitive (and just doing things for myself) I realize that my affections were seriously misplaced. For 31 years now, I've looked up to the wrong people.

Why is it all these years, whenever they took interest in something, be it boats, or guns, or fishing, or trucks, or (you name it) I tried to show interest in it, yet when I'm knapping or tanning, I'm left all alone. Nobody shows interest and usually make a mockery of me and my ways. I'm left with only my kids and wife to even hold the camera for me.

I've been tanning for a few years now and in those years I've only had two other people come to my house with any sort of interest in any of the things I do. One of them is my wife's brother. My neighbor's adopted kids have come to me this week asking for help with their hides.
They asked me "What do you charge to tan a deer with the fur on"
"I don't charge anything but your time"
"What do you mean?"
"I'd rather show you how to tan your own skins. 'Give a man a fish, and all that."
"We don't have the tools"
"I'll be glad to let you use my tools"

.. I have not seen them since

It would appear that I'm unique. No, I'm not special. I'm different just like everyone else.
I'm not a product of my raising. I am a product of my own experiences.

Thank you for putting up with my little rant.
Be respectful of the world we live in. We all live here with His little creatures, and since they are the closest thing we will ever witness to true freedom, be humble. There is absolutely no joy to be taken in the taking of a life, man nor beast.

Tread lightly on the earth.

Those who seek their rewards in this life, shall have them.
Those who are meek shall have their rewards after this life.

People disgust me. Especially my old man.

I was sitting in the stand last week when a little yearling walked out into the area, all alone. I raised the gun just long enough to realize how small the deer was, and I lowered the gun to my lap and said "Today is not your day". I asked the good Lord to keep that baby deer in the area where I was hunting because I knew there were more hunters out there like my dad and uncle who are just trigger happy murderers. I knew the little baby would be safe there with me.
I wondered if it was alone because I killed it's mother the previous week.
I watched the little deer for about 30 minutes before it meandered off into the distance. I bawled like a child as it left and waited all day to hear the gunshot of some hunter who couldn't resist the chance to kill.

I never did hear anyone shoot. Amen.

[Justin Case]

I hate to hear of family discourse,,, But I Understand your frustration and can honestly say I am glad you are your own person and will not pass on the ways of YOUR father to YOUR children ,, YOU are a remarkable person, this is obvious by your posts,, Your outlook on life and the world around you is commendable IMO

[Winnie]

Well, there's nothing wrong in shedding a tear or two when you take a life, it's good to know there are responsible hunters. I can't really comment on your father or uncle. But you've obviously become your own man, as any parent would wish for their child. Personally, I would beam with pride at the person you have become. Just keep doing what you're doing and let others go their own way. Big hugs.

[Rick]

Actually, YCC, you are a product of your upbringing. We all are. Certainly our experiences help shape us and we are capable of making our own choices in life but our formative years are what set the mold, if you will. So there must have been some very good influences there when you were young. If not your father, then your mother.

Embrace your father and respect him because he is your father. You do not have to like what he does but he may have been raised that way, too. Hate the sin but love the sinner. Your anger is your problem to deal with. So let it go. He did not make you angry. You allowed yourself to be angry or disappointed as the case may be. Right now you are struggling with your thoughts about the incident and that's probably a bigger problem than the actual incident. Keep reminding yourself that it's the thoughts that are troubling you and they are your thoughts. Before long you'll find they are gone.

[Justin Case]

@ Rick,,, You could have been a hell of a good psychologist !

[Rick]

No thanks. It just takes stepping back and looking at things objectively. I'm my own worst enemy, too. We train ourselves from a very early age that someone else is to blame (this is no reflection of YCC's post just a comment in general) and it's really hard to break that habit as an adult. I have to tell myself that all the time. "Wait a minute. This is MY problem. These are my thoughts so stop it." The result, however, is I rarely get angry over stuff. And that makes life a lot more enjoyable.

[BENESSE]

YCC, I have a lot of respect for you and your approach to all living things--creatures and plants. I only wish you were not a rarity. Hopefully you'll pass your love and knowledge to your kids and anyone who is smart enough to listen and learn.

Don't feel bad about your old man. He is probably doing the best he knows how. We all have a need to share all that's important to us with our parents--to be understood and encouraged. But for a lot of us it never happens or it happens too late. Just know that you are not alone in the way you feel.

[RangerXanatos]

Besides, Remy (Volwest) took the role of psychologist.

[Rick]

Now that right there is funny I don't care who you are.

[Winnie]

Crikey! now there's a blast from the past! I was never sure whether he was psychologist or just plain psychotic. I remember thinking the latter when he told me to swap out my crisis chocolate for 25lbs beans!

[wildWoman]

We don't get to pick the families we're born into. You are the one and only person you'll have to live with till the day you die, so keep on doing what is right. Trying to change other people or wishing they'd be different is pretty much a fruitless effort. You can only keep walking your talk and thereby show that things can be done differently. People who want to will pick up on it.

[your_comforting_company]

Thanks guys. I do realize that it's my own thoughts that are poisoning me, but I can't help but think that these old men are still capable of respect and still have the capacity to learn.

I also have to recant on the upbringing. I was molded by a lot of bad examples. Therefore I am a product of my upbringing. I learned what not to do.

Their actions are not my burden to bear. All I can do is my best. Try do to what is right.

I feel a lot better now. Thanks.

[Pocomoonskyeyes3]

YCC I can understand your pain. Not many people feel the way we do about our passions. I remember the ostracism I got when a teenager, because of my interests in primitive ways. The big difference between you and I in this, is that I let what others thought turn me away to some degree, where you have held steadfast. Funny but no matter how many times I have "Turned away" I keep coming back.

In a sense Rick is right, There was a LOT of influence on me in regards to these things. But they weren't from anyone I ever met. My influences came from the books I read. I LOVED reading about Mountain Men, and Indians and wanted to recreate their lifestyle. I learned more from the books I read than from the people around me, as my Mother almost raised me singlehandedly. She didn't hunt, nor skin animals. I did have one Uncle teach me to "Case a hide", but that was just one time with an otter hide.

Everything else I have learned about primitive ways is from some small amount of Oral History, and reading. The application all came from me taking that info and going and doing it. I have no where near the knowledge about the primitive ways that you do. However If I had stuck to my guns and not let others dissuade me, I would probably be teaching you instead of the other way around. You just keep doing what you are doing and don't let others bring you down about it.

This is Part of St Francis' prayer for animals, It seems as if it is the way you already feel and may you find some resonance in yourself with these words. I have omitted in this quote the biggest religious overtones so that hopefully no one can find offense with it. It speaks kind of what you seem to feel, as do I. For those who may be offended by religion, just think of the "You" in this as "Nature".

You created the world
to serve humanity's needs
and to lead them to You.
By our own fault
we have lost the beautiful relationship
which we once had with all your creation.
Help us to see
that by restoring our relationship with You
we will also restore it
with all Your creation.
Give us the grace
to see all animals as gifts from You
and to treat them with respect
for they are Your creation.

We pray for all animals
who are suffering as a result of our neglect.
May the order You originally established
be once again restored to the whole world

[crashdive123]

Ycc - who knows - you might eventually influence the way he thinks about things. Don't give up.

[panch0]

YCC I respect your way of looking at the world. I try to see it the way you do, but in this age its hard. I also get upset when some hunters act blood thirsty. Poco thanks for that St Francis Prayer. I just looked up the whole thing and will be putting it up in my shop. He is my and my fathers name sake.

[crimescene450]

I have to say YCC, you are one of the most awesome people ive ever met on the internet.

[DOGMAN]

YCC...I really appreciate your post. It really hits home with me, because I have a very similar father. My dad got me into hunting and dogs and I am thankful for that everyday...but, when I think of the things I have seen him due to animals, and the disrespect he has for life- I cringe and can't believe I am related to him....

However, in his heart he is a good man, and has been great to his family....in the past I tried to change him, but it never worked- we argued, shouted and even threw punches (me first) and rolled around in the kitchen (he was alot tougher than I had figured) but it never sank in....turns out he is just as hard headed as me!

But, over the years now, he has slowly been changing his ideals on a few things...mainly because what he has seen from me....his entire approach to dogs has changed drastically in the past decade because of the results he has seen with my dogs. Before he fed his dogs as cheaply as possible and ruled them with a heavy hand and a charged up shocker....however, now he has seen the rewards of top notch nutrition and steady, gentle, consistent training. He also has started developing a stronger sense of ethics in hunting, because of me just thanking him for teaching me how to hunt, and then casually talking about conservaton (RMEF, DU and TU) and the importance of being able to have wildlife to hunt for future generations.....

I never preach to him anymore, or try to suggest my way is better, or the right way....because I have learned that never works with him because of his competitive, egotistical mind-set....but, if i just do what I do around him- the truth seems to have a way of making itself known and he investigates it further on his own....

I am sure your father has some redeeming qualities- focus on those....Be thankful that he is still alive and that you guys have any type of relationship, because there are many people that don't have even that. Maybe the best thing might be just drop all talk and thoughts about hunting with he and his brother from now on...

Your old man may not appreciate your ethics and lifestyle but I sure admire them. Keep up the good work

[rwc1969]

One thing I've learned is the path least travelled has few people on it, most times it's a lonely road. But, when you do meet someone along the trail it makes it that much better. I'm glad you're one of those people YCC.

My dad taught me at a young age about respect for life among other things. I believe he too travelled the path and paid the price for it as well. His brothers and friends did not have or uphold the same values.

The whole time I sat in my stand hunting deer this season a family of black squirrels would come out and play, work on their nests, store nuts, and as the season progressed, retrieve those nuts from under the snow.

They got used to my big alien but sitting up there in the tree along with them and are no longer afraid. I've been wanting to go back now as I could easily limit out, but I won't, because I feel I've come to know them and take heart in the fact that they too are walking the same path as me. It wouldn't be fair chase.

Their world gets smaller everyday and yet they still come out and play, never seem to have a frown upon their faces.

DOGMAN said something that I feel is spot on:

"...I never preach to him anymore, or try to suggest my way is better, or the right way....because I have learned that never works with him because of his competitive, egotistical mind-set....but, if i just do what I do around him- the truth seems to have a way of making itself known and he investigates it further on his own...."

YCC, at least you have a wife and kids that support you, the rest can either take it or leave it IMO.

[your_comforting_company]

Thank you very much for that prayer poco. It will be going on the wall in the chop shop.

I appreciate all the comments guys and it's good to know I'm not alone in how I feel.
Perdurabo
"I will endure until the end"

The neighbor's kid showed up this afternoon. I was really surprised. We spent all day outside working on his deer skin (I was out there anyway, finishing the video tan). It's the first deer he ever harvested and he wants to make a fur-on vest. I was taken back a step when he showed up. We had a great time getting sloppy, sharing jokes and laughs, and just enjoying each others comforting company. We managed to get the whole thing fleshed, framed, and salted. Next weekend, we hope to brain and stretch it. I was really impressed. Think how special the vest will be for him.
An opportunity to share with a young person is really very special.

[Rick]

I'm genuinely glad Karma stuck around awhile for you.