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Hey I resemble that remark.....finally someone appreciates me

Thank you, Thank you kindly :)

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM this morning.
Can you believe that, 2:30 AM!?
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "Are ya mad?" says Mick,

"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind!?!"

Now thats funny:FRlol::FRlol::FRlol:

Ok NCO, I can't wait anymore,

who did go outside?

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of...

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I...

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, “What’ll you have?”

The seal replies, “Anything but Canadian Club.” :smash:

this Is A Story About A Couple Who Had Been Happily Married For Years.

The Only Friction In Their Marriage Was The Husband's Habit Of Farting Loudly Every Morning When He Awoke. The Noise Would...

An attorney arrived home late after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at Midnight.

His last minute plea for clemency to the...

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he
pulls a chicken.
Lars grasps the chicken by...

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs.
He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hey, Ole....

Sven & Ole

Two Minnesotans, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them....

BLONDE AGAIN

a blonde is on a bus, when she suddenly farts. Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time she farts, she times it with the music.
When she starts making her way to the door as...

Car Wreck:


One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took...

20 to Life!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with...

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to...

A blonde in trouble

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone
bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she
decides to ask God for help.

She...

Boudreaux and Fonteneaut are walking down a street in Houston when and they see a sign on a store that reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair." Boudreaux says to his...

The Half-Wit

A man owned a small farm in Michigan.

The State claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees...

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16 .

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo...