A guy goes into a hardware store and asks the manager for a tool to break up the hard ground. The manager shows him a wall of shovels, hoes, and other tools and says, "Take your pick".
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A guy goes into a hardware store and asks the manager for a tool to break up the hard ground. The manager shows him a wall of shovels, hoes, and other tools and says, "Take your pick".
"Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the trouble?" "One night I dream that I'm a car's muffler. And then the next night, I dream that I'm part of the wheel." "Why is that such a big deal?" "I wake up exhausted and tired."
A guy runs into a dentist office on night, Doctor Doctor, Ya gotta help Me, I think I'm a Moth ! The Dentist says,, I cant help you, you need a Psychiatrist, Yes I know, but your Light was On !
Two Atoms are walking down the road, One says to the other, " I dont feel very good, I think I lost some electrons" Are you sure? said the other, "Yes, I'm Positive" !
Tom is obsessed with monorails. All he ever talks about is monorails - especially how amazing it is that they travel with the use of just a single rail. He has a one-track mind.
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
A Guy say "Doc, I have a real problem, every night have this crazy dream, First I'm a tepee, then I'm a Wigwam, Back and fourth, back and fourth" The Doctor says,, "Relax, you're just two tents"
John loves wheat - wheat bread, wheat rolls, wheat muffins - he can't get enough of wheat. Only problem: He's allergic to it. Whenever he eats it, he breaks out with a rash. But does that stop him from eating it? No, he's a real gluten for punishment.
A rancher was taking inventory of his livestock. He figured it wouldn't take him too long because he knew for a fact that he had exactly 196 head of cattle. But then he discovered that he actually had 200 head. How'd he find out? He rounded them up.
A Guy goes to the Doctor with a Banana in each ear and a grape in each nostril, The Doc says " I know what the trouble is, You dont eat right !"
A man heard about a discovery of gold in California. He immediately packed up his possessions and moved out west. Six months later, he gave up and returned home. Why? It didn't pan out.
Hmm,, I dont think I know anymore PG13 jokes :innocent:
Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
My last one... The state Treasurer had to balance the budget, so he sliced a little bit off the proposed funding for schools, parks, and other services. It was the most successful fund razor of the year.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned
Here's one for you know who....
Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
"Sit down and I'll deal with you later."
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together!"
Roflmbo !! Lol